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Two and a Half Men

Two and a Half Men

Genre: Sitcom

Chiropractor and single father Alan Harper lives in a beachfront house with divorced Internet billionaire Walden Schmidt, who bought the house following the untimely death of Alan's brother, Charlie. As they acclimate to their living arrangement, the tightly wound Alan finds himself taking on a mentor role with Walden, whose lifelong dependence on being taken care of has left him a bit naive. Despite his unsuccessful romantic history, Alan also tries to help Walden overcome his limited experiences with dating. Berta, a sharp-tongued, unapologetic housekeeper, is also featured in the series.
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    Avg. 2.5 (12,263 ratings)
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All Upcoming Times for Two and a Half Men

Episode Air Date Channel

Pilot

S01, E01  (First Aired: Sep. 22, 2003)
Charlie's life turns upside down when his brother and nephew move in; at the supermarket, Charlie discovers he can use 10-year-old Jake to attract women.
  • Sat 5/26
  • 2:00PM-2:30PM
  • 9.1
  • WGNDT

Big Flappy Bastards

S01, E02  (First Aired: Sep. 29, 2003)
Charlie doesn't know how to discipline Jake for luring a flock of sea gulls into his room; Judith surprises Alan when he goes home to fix her sprinklers.
  • Sat 5/26
  • 2:30PM-3:00PM
  • 9.1
  • WGNDT

Go East on Sunset Until You Reach the Gates of Hell

S01, E03  (First Aired: Oct. 6, 2003)
One drink too many emboldens the brothers to stand up to their controlling mother.
  • Sat 5/26
  • 6:00PM-6:30PM
  • 9.1
  • WGNDT

If I Can't Write My Chocolate Song, I'm Going to Take a Nap

S01, E04  (First Aired: Oct. 13, 2003)
Alan offers to help get Charlie's cleaning lady back if Charlie can get Jake ready to go out to dinner with his mother.
  • Sat 5/26
  • 6:30PM-7:00PM
  • 9.1
  • WGNDT

The Price of Healthy Gums Is Eternal Vigilance

S02, E06  (First Aired: Oct. 25, 2004)
Alan denies having shoplifted a toy as a child and fears he has a dark side, until Charlie admits he planted the toy on Alan to stay out of trouble himself.
  • Sat 5/26
  • 10:30PM-11:00PM
  • 9.1
  • WGNDT

I'd Like to Start With the Cat

S06, E15  (First Aired: Feb. 9, 2009)
In an attempt to prove he has changed from his old self, Charlie agrees to go with Chelsea to couples counseling.
  • Sun 5/27
  • 6:30PM-7:00PM
  • 9.1
  • WGNDT

A Kosher Slaughterhouse Out in Fontana

S02, E07  (First Aired: Nov. 8, 2004)
Charlie and Alan hire Berta's sister (Camryn Manheim) to cater a party their mother has conned them into throwing for her.
  • Sun 5/27
  • 11:30PM-12:00AM
  • 9.1
  • WGNDT

The Last Thing You Want Is to Wind Up With a Hump

S01, E05  (First Aired: Oct. 20, 2003)
Charlie and Alan meet several women while attending one of Jake's soccer games.
  • Mon 5/28
  • 7:00PM-7:30PM
  • 9.1
  • WGNDT

Did You Check With the Captain of the Flying Monkeys?

S01, E06  (First Aired: Oct. 27, 2003)
After Evelyn's new beau dumps her, Charlie and Alan enlist Jake to cheer her up; Charlie teaches Jake a lesson about screening telephone calls from women.
  • Mon 5/28
  • 7:30PM-8:00PM
  • 9.1
  • WGNDT

Phase One, Complete

S01, E09  (First Aired: Nov. 17, 2003)
Jake and Evelyn befriend one of Charlie's one-night stands, causing her to stay longer than expected.
  • Wed 5/30
  • 7:00PM-7:30PM
  • 9.1
  • WGNDT

Alan Harper, Frontier Chiropractor

S01, E11  (First Aired: Dec. 15, 2003)
Alan reluctantly agrees to a makeover after running into his ex-wife and her new beau; when the brothers go shopping, they clash over what to buy.
  • Wed 5/30
  • 7:30PM-8:00PM
  • 9.1
  • WGNDT

Camel Filters and Pheremones

S01, E12  (First Aired: Jan. 5, 2004)
The housekeeper's beautiful granddaughter comes to work with her and attracts the attention of the men; Alan tries to convince Judith that Charlie's house is good for Jake.
  • Thu 5/31
  • 7:00PM-7:30PM
  • 9.1
  • WGNDT

Big Girls Don't Throw Food

S09, E03  (First Aired: Oct. 3, 2011)
Alan helps Walden get ready for a date with Bridget (Judy Greer); Jake decides to drop out of school like Walden did.
  • Thu 5/31
  • 7:30PM-8:00PM
  • 9.1
  • WGNDT

Sarah Like Puny Alan

S01, E13  (First Aired: Jan. 12, 2004)
Charlie sets his ailing brother up on a date, then drags him to a steam room to help him get rid of his flu symptoms.
  • Fri 6/1
  • 7:00PM-7:30PM
  • 9.1
  • WGNDT

Nine Magic Fingers

S09, E04  (First Aired: Oct. 10, 2011)
Walden searches for love; Alan encounters a chance to reconcile with Lyndsey.
  • Fri 6/1
  • 7:30PM-8:00PM
  • 9.1
  • WGNDT

If They Do Go Either Way, They're Usually Fake

S01, E07  (First Aired: Nov. 3, 2003)
For a school assignment, Jake draws the tattooed buttocks of Charlie's female friend.
  • Sat 6/2
  • 2:00PM-2:30PM
  • 9.1
  • WGNDT

Twenty-Five Little Pre-Pubers Without a Snoot-Ful

S01, E08  (First Aired: Nov. 10, 2003)
Charlie realizes Jake's classmates know the words to all of his jingles, and he is inspired to craft the fourth-grade musical with unusual results.
  • Sat 6/2
  • 2:30PM-3:00PM
  • 9.1
  • WGNDT

Fart Jokes, Pie and Celeste

S07, E12  (First Aired: Jan. 11, 2010)
Jake writes love songs to woo his ex-girlfriend; Herb and Alan hide their secret friendship from Judith.
  • Sat 6/2
  • 6:00PM-6:30PM
  • 9.1
  • WGNDT

Crude and Uncalled For

S07, E14  (First Aired: Feb. 1, 2010)
A bar fight lands Alan in jail; Charlie worries that Chelsea is interested in the lawyer who takes Alan's case.
  • Sat 6/2
  • 6:30PM-7:00PM
  • 9.1
  • WGNDT

The Salmon Under My Sweater

S02, E10  (First Aired: Nov. 29, 2004)
Charlie is tasked with writing a theme song to one of Jake's favorite comics; things heat up between Alan and Rose.
  • Sat 6/2
  • 10:30PM-11:00PM
  • 9.1
  • WGNDT

Ixnay on the Oggie Day

S07, E18  (First Aired: Mar. 22, 2010)
Charlie has a return engagement with Gail (Tricia Helfer), Chelsea's best friend; Alan has a surprising effect on a female patient.
  • Sun 6/3
  • 6:00PM-6:30PM
  • 9.1
  • WGNDT

I Called Him Magoo

S07, E20  (First Aired: May. 10, 2010)
Alan tries for an intimate night at a hotel with his new girlfriend; Charlie tries his own approach to get the ``girlfriend experience.''
  • Sun 6/3
  • 6:30PM-7:00PM
  • 9.1
  • WGNDT

Last Chance to See Those Tattoos

S02, E11  (First Aired: Dec. 13, 2004)
Jake discovers an angry Web site devoted to Charlie's womanizing ways.
  • Sun 6/3
  • 11:30PM-12:00AM
  • 9.1
  • WGNDT

Round One to the Hot Crazy Chick

S01, E15  (First Aired: Feb. 9, 2004)
Against Alan's judgment, Charlie falls for a seemingly crazy woman named Frankie. Guest star: Jenna Elfman.
  • Mon 6/4
  • 7:00PM-7:30PM
  • 9.1
  • WGNDT

That Was Saliva, Alan

S01, E16  (First Aired: Feb. 16, 2004)
Frankie tells Charlie and Alan why she and her daughter are on the run; Frankie's daughter has a crush on Jake.
  • Mon 6/4
  • 7:30PM-8:00PM
  • 9.1
  • WGNDT

I Remember the Coatroom, I Just Don't Remember You

S01, E19  (First Aired: Mar. 22, 2004)
Judith's sister, Liz (guest star Teri Hatcher), hits on Alan at Jake's birthday party; Evelyn prefers alcohol to cake.
  • Wed 6/6
  • 7:00PM-7:30PM
  • 9.1
  • WGNDT

Hey, I Can Pee Outside in the Dark

S01, E20  (First Aired: Apr. 19, 2004)
After trying a father/son talk, Alan and Judith decide to take a moody Jake to a therapist (Jane Lynch).
  • Wed 6/6
  • 7:30PM-8:00PM
  • 9.1
  • WGNDT

No Sniffing, No Wowing

S01, E21  (First Aired: May. 3, 2004)
Charlie jeopardizes Alan's divorce settlement by sleeping with his attorney, Laura (Heather Locklear).
  • Thu 6/7
  • 7:00PM-7:30PM
  • 9.1
  • WGNDT

A Giant Cat Holding a Churro

S09, E05  (First Aired: Oct. 17, 2011)
Alan tries to come to terms with Lyndsey's past; Walden throws a party at the house.
  • Thu 6/7
  • 7:30PM-8:00PM
  • 9.1
  • WGNDT