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Two and a Half Men

Two and a Half Men

Genre: Sitcom

Chiropractor and single father Alan Harper lives in a beachfront house with divorced Internet billionaire Walden Schmidt, who bought the house following the untimely death of Alan's brother, Charlie. As they acclimate to their living arrangement, the tightly wound Alan finds himself taking on a mentor role with Walden, whose lifelong dependence on being taken care of has left him a bit naive. Despite his unsuccessful romantic history, Alan also tries to help Walden overcome his limited experiences with dating. Berta, a sharp-tongued, unapologetic housekeeper, is also featured in the series.
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    2.5 / 5.0
    Avg. 2.5 (12,263 ratings)
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All Upcoming Times for Two and a Half Men

Episode Air Date Channel

A Pot-Smoking Monkey

S04, E04  (First Aired: Oct. 9, 2006)
After their split, Alan wants to gain custody of his and Kandi's dog.
  • Tue 3/28
  • 12:00PM-12:30PM
  • 40
  • FX
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  •  
  • 767
  • FX HD

A Live Woman of Proven Fertility

S04, E05  (First Aired: Oct. 16, 2006)
Herb (Ryan Stiles) and Jake's relationship threatens wedding plans with Judith, so Alan and Charlie take action.
  • Tue 3/28
  • 12:30PM-1:00PM
  • 40
  • FX
  •  
  •  
  • 767
  • FX HD

Apologies for the Frivolity

S04, E06  (First Aired: Oct. 23, 2006)
Charlie does not realize that his latest girlfriend is a younger version of his mother.
  • Tue 3/28
  • 3:00PM-3:30PM
  • 40
  • FX
  •  
  •  
  • 767
  • FX HD

Repeated Blows to His Unformed Head

S04, E07  (First Aired: Nov. 6, 2006)
Charlie helps Berta confront the man who impregnated her daughter (Sara Rue); Alan satisfies a secret fetish.
  • Tue 3/28
  • 3:30PM-4:00PM
  • 40
  • FX
  •  
  •  
  • 767
  • FX HD

Release the Dogs

S04, E08  (First Aired: Nov. 13, 2006)
Alan takes Charlie's suggestion of a jog on the beach to cure his insomnia; Jake pleads with Charlie not to date the mother of a girl he likes.
  • Tue 3/28
  • 7:00PM-7:30PM
  • 11
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  • 711
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Corey's Been Dead for an Hour

S04, E09  (First Aired: Nov. 20, 2006)
Charlie and Alan go on a double date, leaving Jake home alone for the first time.
  • Tue 3/28
  • 7:30PM-8:00PM
  • 11
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  • 711
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Apologies for the Frivolity

S04, E06  (First Aired: Oct. 23, 2006)
Charlie does not realize that his latest girlfriend is a younger version of his mother.
  • Wed 3/29
  • 11:30AM-12:00PM
  • 40
  • FX
  •  
  •  
  • 767
  • FX HD

Repeated Blows to His Unformed Head

S04, E07  (First Aired: Nov. 6, 2006)
Charlie helps Berta confront the man who impregnated her daughter (Sara Rue); Alan satisfies a secret fetish.
  • Wed 3/29
  • 12:00PM-12:30PM
  • 40
  • FX
  •  
  •  
  • 767
  • FX HD

Release the Dogs

S04, E08  (First Aired: Nov. 13, 2006)
Alan takes Charlie's suggestion of a jog on the beach to cure his insomnia; Jake pleads with Charlie not to date the mother of a girl he likes.
  • Wed 3/29
  • 3:00PM-3:30PM
  • 40
  • FX
  •  
  •  
  • 767
  • FX HD

Corey's Been Dead for an Hour

S04, E09  (First Aired: Nov. 20, 2006)
Charlie and Alan go on a double date, leaving Jake home alone for the first time.
  • Wed 3/29
  • 3:30PM-4:00PM
  • 40
  • FX
  •  
  •  
  • 767
  • FX HD

Kissing Abraham Lincoln

S04, E10  (First Aired: Nov. 27, 2006)
Charlie must choose between his girlfriend and his housekeeper; Alan looks to sell Kandi's condo, but sex keeps getting in the way.
  • Wed 3/29
  • 7:00PM-7:30PM
  • 11
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  • 711
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Castrating Sheep in Montana

S04, E12  (First Aired: Jan. 8, 2007)
Berta learns that Alan has been dating her daughter (Sara Rue).
  • Wed 3/29
  • 7:30PM-8:00PM
  • 11
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  • 711
  • WPIXDT

Release the Dogs

S04, E08  (First Aired: Nov. 13, 2006)
Alan takes Charlie's suggestion of a jog on the beach to cure his insomnia; Jake pleads with Charlie not to date the mother of a girl he likes.
  • Thu 3/30
  • 11:30AM-12:00PM
  • 40
  • FX
  •  
  •  
  • 767
  • FX HD

Corey's Been Dead for an Hour

S04, E09  (First Aired: Nov. 20, 2006)
Charlie and Alan go on a double date, leaving Jake home alone for the first time.
  • Thu 3/30
  • 12:00PM-12:30PM
  • 40
  • FX
  •  
  •  
  • 767
  • FX HD

Kissing Abraham Lincoln

S04, E10  (First Aired: Nov. 27, 2006)
Charlie must choose between his girlfriend and his housekeeper; Alan looks to sell Kandi's condo, but sex keeps getting in the way.
  • Thu 3/30
  • 3:00PM-3:30PM
  • 40
  • FX
  •  
  •  
  • 767
  • FX HD

Walnuts and Demerol

S04, E11  (First Aired: Dec. 11, 2006)
Charlie finds himself throwing an unwanted, unplanned holiday party; Evelyn tries to keep Charlie from sleeping with his party date.
  • Thu 3/30
  • 3:30PM-4:00PM
  • 40
  • FX
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  • 767
  • FX HD

Don't Worry, Speed Racer

S04, E13  (First Aired: Jan. 22, 2007)
When Jake tells Charlie and Alan that he often overhears Judith and Herb (Ryan Stiles) making out, it triggers a repressed memory for Charlie.
  • Thu 3/30
  • 7:00PM-7:30PM
  • 11
  • WPIX
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  • 711
  • WPIXDT

Welcome Home, Jake

S11, E17  (First Aired: Mar. 13, 2014)
Lyndsey finds out about Alan's relationship with Gretchen; Walden has a difficult time telling Barry to find his own place.
  • Thu 3/30
  • 7:30PM-8:00PM
  • 11
  • WPIX
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  • 711
  • WPIXDT

Kissing Abraham Lincoln

S04, E10  (First Aired: Nov. 27, 2006)
Charlie must choose between his girlfriend and his housekeeper; Alan looks to sell Kandi's condo, but sex keeps getting in the way.
  • Fri 3/31
  • 12:00PM-12:30PM
  • 40
  • FX
  •  
  •  
  • 767
  • FX HD

Walnuts and Demerol

S04, E11  (First Aired: Dec. 11, 2006)
Charlie finds himself throwing an unwanted, unplanned holiday party; Evelyn tries to keep Charlie from sleeping with his party date.
  • Fri 3/31
  • 12:30PM-1:00PM
  • 40
  • FX
  •  
  •  
  • 767
  • FX HD

Castrating Sheep in Montana

S04, E12  (First Aired: Jan. 8, 2007)
Berta learns that Alan has been dating her daughter (Sara Rue).
  • Fri 3/31
  • 3:00PM-3:30PM
  • 40
  • FX
  •  
  •  
  • 767
  • FX HD

Don't Worry, Speed Racer

S04, E13  (First Aired: Jan. 22, 2007)
When Jake tells Charlie and Alan that he often overhears Judith and Herb (Ryan Stiles) making out, it triggers a repressed memory for Charlie.
  • Fri 3/31
  • 3:30PM-4:00PM
  • 40
  • FX
  •  
  •  
  • 767
  • FX HD

That's Summer Sausage, Not Salami

S04, E14  (First Aired: Feb. 5, 2007)
Charlie has second thoughts after setting Alan up with their new neighbor (guest star Brooke Shields).
  • Fri 3/31
  • 7:00PM-7:30PM
  • 11
  • WPIX
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  • 711
  • WPIXDT

West Side Story

S11, E18  (First Aired: Apr. 3, 2014)
Walden's ex-girlfriend invites him to her boutique opening; Gretchen hopes to spend more time at Alan's home.
  • Fri 3/31
  • 7:30PM-8:00PM
  • 11
  • WPIX
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  •  
  • 711
  • WPIXDT

That's Summer Sausage, Not Salami

S04, E14  (First Aired: Feb. 5, 2007)
Charlie has second thoughts after setting Alan up with their new neighbor (guest star Brooke Shields).
  • Sat 4/1
  • 10:30AM-11:00AM
  • 40
  • FX
  •  
  •  
  • 767
  • FX HD

My Damn Stalker

S04, E15  (First Aired: Feb. 12, 2007)
Charlie must face his feelings when Rose announces she is moving to London; Alan fudges his online dating profile, only to wind up with a fellow profile-embellisher (Allison Janney).
  • Sat 4/1
  • 11:00AM-11:30AM
  • 40
  • FX
  •  
  •  
  • 767
  • FX HD

Look at Me, Mommy, I'm Pretty

S05, E16  (First Aired: Apr. 28, 2008)
Alan plans Evelyn's wedding; Charlie pursues his future stepsister.
  • Sat 4/1
  • 6:30PM-7:00PM
  • 11
  • WPIX
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  • 711
  • WPIXDT

Fish in a Drawer

S05, E17  (First Aired: May. 5, 2008)
A CSI team investigates a mysterious death at Charlie's house.
  • Sun 4/2
  • 1:30AM-2:00AM
  • 11
  • WPIX
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  • 711
  • WPIXDT

If My Hole Could Talk

S05, E18  (First Aired: May. 12, 2008)
Charlie discovers he is attracted to an older woman who writes self-help books; Jake and Alan fight over a school assignment.
  • Sun 4/2
  • 7:00PM-7:30PM
  • 11
  • WPIX
  •  
  •  
  • 711
  • WPIXDT

Waiting for the Right Snapper

S05, E19  (First Aired: May. 19, 2008)
Charlie tries to resist temptation when he meets the daughter of the woman he's dating and realizes they've met before.
  • Sun 4/2
  • 7:30PM-8:00PM
  • 11
  • WPIX
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  • 711
  • WPIXDT

It Never Rains in Hooterville

S04, E18  (First Aired: Mar. 19, 2007)
After realizing that Jake's childhood is almost over, Alan makes a last-minute try at father-son bonding; Kandi embarks on a new career.
  • Mon 4/3
  • 3:00PM-3:30PM
  • 40
  • FX
  •  
  •  
  • 767
  • FX HD

Smooth as a Ken Doll

S04, E19  (First Aired: Apr. 9, 2007)
Charlie gets close to Herb's witty sister, as Judith and Herb's wedding nears.
  • Mon 4/3
  • 3:30PM-4:00PM
  • 40
  • FX
  •  
  •  
  • 767
  • FX HD

Taterhead Is Our Love Child

S06, E01  (First Aired: Sep. 22, 2008)
Charlie finds that one of his former girlfriends has a son who looks a lot like him.
  • Mon 4/3
  • 7:00PM-7:30PM
  • 11
  • WPIX
  •  
  •  
  • 711
  • WPIXDT

Pie Hole, Herb

S06, E02  (First Aired: Sep. 29, 2008)
Alan crosses a line when he tries to get back money that he lent Charlie.
  • Mon 4/3
  • 7:30PM-8:00PM
  • 11
  • WPIX
  •  
  •  
  • 711
  • WPIXDT

It Never Rains in Hooterville

S04, E18  (First Aired: Mar. 19, 2007)
After realizing that Jake's childhood is almost over, Alan makes a last-minute try at father-son bonding; Kandi embarks on a new career.
  • Tue 4/4
  • 12:00PM-12:30PM
  • 40
  • FX
  •  
  •  
  • 767
  • FX HD

Smooth as a Ken Doll

S04, E19  (First Aired: Apr. 9, 2007)
Charlie gets close to Herb's witty sister, as Judith and Herb's wedding nears.
  • Tue 4/4
  • 12:30PM-1:00PM
  • 40
  • FX
  •  
  •  
  • 767
  • FX HD

Aunt Myra Doesn't Pee a Lot

S04, E20  (First Aired: Apr. 16, 2007)
Alan prepares Jake for Judith's wedding; Charlie continues his fling with Herb's sister.
  • Tue 4/4
  • 3:00PM-3:30PM
  • 40
  • FX
  •  
  •  
  • 767
  • FX HD

Tucked, Taped and Gorgeous

S04, E21  (First Aired: Apr. 23, 2007)
Alan's friendship with a gay single dad prompts both Alan and Charlie to re-examine their sexual identities.
  • Tue 4/4
  • 3:30PM-4:00PM
  • 40
  • FX
  •  
  •  
  • 767
  • FX HD

Damn You, Eggs Benedict

S06, E03  (First Aired: Oct. 6, 2008)
Charlie attempts to cook, Alan tries to date two women at the same time, and Jake samples beer.
  • Tue 4/4
  • 7:00PM-7:30PM
  • 11
  • WPIX
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  •  
  • 711
  • WPIXDT

The Flavin' and the Mavin

S06, E04  (First Aired: Oct. 13, 2008)
Alan awaits disaster as Charlie romances Alan's sweet receptionist.
  • Tue 4/4
  • 7:30PM-8:00PM
  • 11
  • WPIX
  •  
  •  
  • 711
  • WPIXDT

Aunt Myra Doesn't Pee a Lot

S04, E20  (First Aired: Apr. 16, 2007)
Alan prepares Jake for Judith's wedding; Charlie continues his fling with Herb's sister.
  • Wed 4/5
  • 12:00PM-12:30PM
  • 40
  • FX
  •  
  •  
  • 767
  • FX HD

Tucked, Taped and Gorgeous

S04, E21  (First Aired: Apr. 23, 2007)
Alan's friendship with a gay single dad prompts both Alan and Charlie to re-examine their sexual identities.
  • Wed 4/5
  • 12:30PM-1:00PM
  • 40
  • FX
  •  
  •  
  • 767
  • FX HD

Mr. McGlue's Feedbag

S04, E22  (First Aired: Apr. 30, 2007)
Jake has a windfall when Charlie takes him to the track; Alan finds himself stuck at the Department of Motor Vehicles.
  • Wed 4/5
  • 3:00PM-3:30PM
  • 40
  • FX
  •  
  •  
  • 767
  • FX HD

Anteaters. They're Just Crazy-Lookin'

S04, E23  (First Aired: May. 7, 2007)
Charlie loses a woman to the young, handsome handyman (guest star Enrique Iglesias) working at his house.
  • Wed 4/5
  • 3:30PM-4:00PM
  • 40
  • FX
  •  
  •  
  • 767
  • FX HD

It's Always Nazi Week

S06, E06  (First Aired: Nov. 3, 2008)
When Judith kicks Herb to the curb, Alan comes knocking.
  • Wed 4/5
  • 7:00PM-7:30PM
  • 11
  • WPIX
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  • 711
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Best H.O. Money Can Buy

S06, E07  (First Aired: Nov. 10, 2008)
Alan tries to escape Judith's clutches as Charlie and Herb go on the prowl.
  • Wed 4/5
  • 7:30PM-8:00PM
  • 11
  • WPIX
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  • 711
  • WPIXDT

Mr. McGlue's Feedbag

S04, E22  (First Aired: Apr. 30, 2007)
Jake has a windfall when Charlie takes him to the track; Alan finds himself stuck at the Department of Motor Vehicles.
  • Thu 4/6
  • 12:00PM-12:30PM
  • 40
  • FX
  •  
  •  
  • 767
  • FX HD

Anteaters. They're Just Crazy-Lookin'

S04, E23  (First Aired: May. 7, 2007)
Charlie loses a woman to the young, handsome handyman (guest star Enrique Iglesias) working at his house.
  • Thu 4/6
  • 12:30PM-1:00PM
  • 40
  • FX
  •  
  •  
  • 767
  • FX HD

Prostitutes and Gelato

S04, E24  (First Aired: May. 14, 2007)
Charlie and Alan must confront their ``daddy issues'' when Evelyn's new boyfriend (Robert Wagner) invites them to Las Vegas on his private jet.
  • Thu 4/6
  • 3:00PM-3:30PM
  • 40
  • FX
  •  
  •  
  • 767
  • FX HD

Large Birds, Spiders and Mom

S05, E01  (First Aired: Sep. 24, 2007)
Charlie and Alan try to prepare Jake for his first day of junior high.
  • Thu 4/6
  • 3:30PM-4:00PM
  • 40
  • FX
  •  
  •  
  • 767
  • FX HD

Pinocchio's Mouth

S06, E08  (First Aired: Nov. 17, 2008)
Charlie has trouble adjusting when his new girlfriend asks him to spend the night at her place.
  • Thu 4/6
  • 7:00PM-7:30PM
  • 11
  • WPIX
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  • 711
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Lan Mao Shi Zai Wuding Shang

S11, E19  (First Aired: Apr. 10, 2014)
After reconnecting with Kate, Walden becomes convinced she is the one for him -- until he meets a woman named Vivian (Mila Kunis).
  • Thu 4/6
  • 7:30PM-8:00PM
  • 11
  • WPIX
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  • 711
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Prostitutes and Gelato

S04, E24  (First Aired: May. 14, 2007)
Charlie and Alan must confront their ``daddy issues'' when Evelyn's new boyfriend (Robert Wagner) invites them to Las Vegas on his private jet.
  • Fri 4/7
  • 11:30AM-12:00PM
  • 40
  • FX
  •  
  •  
  • 767
  • FX HD

Large Birds, Spiders and Mom

S05, E01  (First Aired: Sep. 24, 2007)
Charlie and Alan try to prepare Jake for his first day of junior high.
  • Fri 4/7
  • 12:00PM-12:30PM
  • 40
  • FX
  •  
  •  
  • 767
  • FX HD

Media Room Slash Dungeon

S05, E02  (First Aired: Oct. 1, 2007)
Charlie behaves strangely after an evening with his mother; Alan's date (Janeane Garofalo) reacts oddly after making love.
  • Fri 4/7
  • 4:00PM-4:30PM
  • 40
  • FX
  •  
  •  
  • 767
  • FX HD

Dum Diddy Dum Diddy Doo

S05, E03  (First Aired: Oct. 8, 2007)
Charlie lets Alan set him up with a woman his own age.
  • Fri 4/7
  • 4:30PM-5:00PM
  • 40
  • FX
  •  
  •  
  • 767
  • FX HD

The Mooch at the Boo

S06, E09  (First Aired: Nov. 24, 2008)
Charlie is left to cover when Jake disappears with the neighbor's daughter; Alan scores a hot date, thanks in part to Charlie's car.
  • Fri 4/7
  • 7:00PM-7:30PM
  • 11
  • WPIX
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  • 711
  • WPIXDT

Lotta Delis in Little Armenia

S11, E20  (First Aired: Apr. 24, 2014)
Alan finds an opportunity to make money; Walden addresses his co-dependency issues.
  • Fri 4/7
  • 7:30PM-8:00PM
  • 11
  • WPIX
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  • 711
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City of Great Racks

S05, E04  (First Aired: Oct. 15, 2007)
Although Charlie is getting closer to Linda, he begins to see Rose's face wherever he looks.
  • Sat 4/8
  • 9:00AM-9:30AM
  • 40
  • FX
  •  
  •  
  • 767
  • FX HD

Putting Swim Fins on a Cat

S05, E05  (First Aired: Oct. 22, 2007)
Charlie has to entertain his girlfriend's 4-year-old son; Alan becomes a human guinea pig.
  • Sat 4/8
  • 9:30AM-10:00AM
  • 40
  • FX
  •  
  •  
  • 767
  • FX HD

Help Daddy Find His Toenail

S05, E06  (First Aired: Oct. 29, 2007)
Charlie's girlfriend is embarrassed to be seen with him; Jake sneaks out to go to a concert.
  • Sat 4/8
  • 10:00AM-10:30AM
  • 40
  • FX
  •  
  •  
  • 767
  • FX HD

Our Leather Gear Is in the Guest Room

S05, E07  (First Aired: Nov. 5, 2007)
Charlie and Alan butt heads over Alan's place in the house, prompting Alan and Jake to move in with Evelyn.
  • Sat 4/8
  • 10:30AM-11:00AM
  • 40
  • FX
  •  
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  • 767
  • FX HD

The Immortal Mr. Billy Joel

S08, E05  (First Aired: Oct. 18, 2010)
Alan pretends to be Charlie when he goes out on the town; Charlie sneaks off for cosmetic surgery.
  • Sat 4/8
  • 7:00PM-7:30PM
  • 11
  • WPIX
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  • 711
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Twanging Your Magic Clanger

S08, E06  (First Aired: Oct. 25, 2010)
Charlie has difficulty dealing with dating a slightly older woman.
  • Sat 4/8
  • 7:30PM-8:00PM
  • 11
  • WPIX
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  • 711
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The Crazy Bitch Gazette

S08, E07  (First Aired: Nov. 1, 2010)
Charlie's girlfriend gets fed up with his stalker, Rose.
  • Sun 4/9
  • 7:00PM-7:30PM
  • 11
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  • 711
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Springtime on a Stick

S08, E08  (First Aired: Nov. 8, 2010)
Charlie and Alan try to set Evelyn up with the pharmacist, Russell.
  • Sun 4/9
  • 7:30PM-8:00PM
  • 11
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  • 711
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Is There a Mrs. Waffles?

S05, E08  (First Aired: Nov. 12, 2007)
Charlie finds success as a children's singing star, which makes Alan miserable.
  • Mon 4/10
  • 3:00PM-3:30PM
  • 40
  • FX
  •  
  •  
  • 767
  • FX HD

Tight's Good

S05, E09  (First Aired: Nov. 19, 2007)
Charlie tries to resist an attraction to his soon-to-be stepsister (Jenny McCarthy).
  • Mon 4/10
  • 3:30PM-4:00PM
  • 40
  • FX
  •  
  •  
  • 767
  • FX HD

He Smelled the Ham, He Got Excited

S06, E10  (First Aired: Dec. 8, 2008)
When Evelyn offers to pay for Jake's college education, Alan wonders if he ever needs to work again.
  • Mon 4/10
  • 7:00PM-7:30PM
  • 11
  • WPIX
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  • 711
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The Devil's Lube

S06, E11  (First Aired: Dec. 15, 2008)
When one of Charlie's old partners in crime dies, Charlie re-evaluates his own reckless lifestyle.
  • Mon 4/10
  • 7:30PM-8:00PM
  • 11
  • WPIX
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  • 711
  • WPIXDT