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Two and a Half Men

Two and a Half Men

Genre: Sitcom

Chiropractor and single father Alan Harper lives in a beachfront house with divorced Internet billionaire Walden Schmidt, who bought the house following the untimely death of Alan's brother, Charlie. As they acclimate to their living arrangement, the tightly wound Alan finds himself taking on a mentor role with Walden, whose lifelong dependence on being taken care of has left him a bit naive. Despite his unsuccessful romantic history, Alan also tries to help Walden overcome his limited experiences with dating. Berta, a sharp-tongued, unapologetic housekeeper, is also featured in the series.
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    Avg. 2.5 (12,263 ratings)
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All Upcoming Times for Two and a Half Men

Episode Air Date Channel

Twenty-Five Little Pre-Pubers Without a Snoot-Ful

S01, E08  (First Aired: Nov. 10, 2003)
Charlie realizes Jake's classmates know the words to all of his jingles, and he is inspired to craft the fourth-grade musical with unusual results.
  • Tue 9/26
  • 12:30AM-1:00AM
  • 11
  • WPIX
  •  
  •  
  • 711
  • WPIXDT

One Nut Johnson

S10, E10  (First Aired: Dec. 6, 2012)
Alan helps Walden create a new identity so he can avoid women who are only interested in his money.
  • Tue 9/26
  • 12:30PM-1:00PM
  • 40
  • FX
  •  
  •  
  • 767
  • FX HD

Give Santa a Tail-Hole

S10, E11  (First Aired: Dec. 13, 2012)
Walden juggles his two identities; Alan ends up alone on Christmas.
  • Tue 9/26
  • 1:00PM-1:30PM
  • 40
  • FX
  •  
  •  
  • 767
  • FX HD

Welcome to Alancrest

S10, E12  (First Aired: Jan. 3, 2013)
Alan invests Walden's money in Kate's fashion line; leading a double life takes its toll on Walden.
  • Tue 9/26
  • 3:00PM-3:30PM
  • 40
  • FX
  •  
  •  
  • 767
  • FX HD

Grab a Feather and Get in Line

S10, E13  (First Aired: Jan. 10, 2013)
Alan and Walden go to Kate's fashion show in New York so Walden can reveal the truth about his identity.
  • Tue 9/26
  • 3:30PM-4:00PM
  • 40
  • FX
  •  
  •  
  • 767
  • FX HD

Phase One, Complete

S01, E09  (First Aired: Nov. 17, 2003)
Jake and Evelyn befriend one of Charlie's one-night stands, causing her to stay longer than expected.
  • Tue 9/26
  • 6:30PM-7:00PM
  • 11
  • WPIX
  •  
  •  
  • 711
  • WPIXDT

Alan Harper, Frontier Chiropractor

S01, E11  (First Aired: Dec. 15, 2003)
Alan reluctantly agrees to a makeover after running into his ex-wife and her new beau; when the brothers go shopping, they clash over what to buy.
  • Wed 9/27
  • 12:30AM-1:00AM
  • 11
  • WPIX
  •  
  •  
  • 711
  • WPIXDT

Welcome to Alancrest

S10, E12  (First Aired: Jan. 3, 2013)
Alan invests Walden's money in Kate's fashion line; leading a double life takes its toll on Walden.
  • Wed 9/27
  • 11:30AM-12:00PM
  • 40
  • FX
  •  
  •  
  • 767
  • FX HD

Grab a Feather and Get in Line

S10, E13  (First Aired: Jan. 10, 2013)
Alan and Walden go to Kate's fashion show in New York so Walden can reveal the truth about his identity.
  • Wed 9/27
  • 12:00PM-12:30PM
  • 40
  • FX
  •  
  •  
  • 767
  • FX HD

Run Steven Staven! Run!

S10, E14  (First Aired: Jan. 31, 2013)
Alan is faced with relationship trouble when he does not give Lyndsey a key to the beach house; Walden, Alan, Herb and Billy commiserate about relationships.
  • Wed 9/27
  • 3:00PM-3:30PM
  • 40
  • FX
  •  
  •  
  • 767
  • FX HD

Paint It, Pierce It or Plug It

S10, E15  (First Aired: Feb. 7, 2013)
When Jake brings his 36-year-old girlfriend home for a visit, Alan is concerned; Walden tries to hide something from Alan.
  • Wed 9/27
  • 3:30PM-4:00PM
  • 40
  • FX
  •  
  •  
  • 767
  • FX HD

Sarah Like Puny Alan

S01, E13  (First Aired: Jan. 12, 2004)
Charlie sets his ailing brother up on a date, then drags him to a steam room to help him get rid of his flu symptoms.
  • Thu 9/28
  • 12:30AM-1:00AM
  • 11
  • WPIX
  •  
  •  
  • 711
  • WPIXDT

Camel Filters and Pheremones

S01, E12  (First Aired: Jan. 5, 2004)
The housekeeper's beautiful granddaughter comes to work with her and attracts the attention of the men; Alan tries to convince Judith that Charlie's house is good for Jake.
  • Thu 9/28
  • 3:30AM-4:00AM
  • 11
  • WPIX
  •  
  •  
  • 711
  • WPIXDT

Run Steven Staven! Run!

S10, E14  (First Aired: Jan. 31, 2013)
Alan is faced with relationship trouble when he does not give Lyndsey a key to the beach house; Walden, Alan, Herb and Billy commiserate about relationships.
  • Thu 9/28
  • 12:00PM-12:30PM
  • 40
  • FX
  •  
  •  
  • 767
  • FX HD

Paint It, Pierce It or Plug It

S10, E15  (First Aired: Feb. 7, 2013)
When Jake brings his 36-year-old girlfriend home for a visit, Alan is concerned; Walden tries to hide something from Alan.
  • Thu 9/28
  • 12:30PM-1:00PM
  • 40
  • FX
  •  
  •  
  • 767
  • FX HD

Advantage: Fat, Flying Baby

S10, E16  (First Aired: Feb. 14, 2013)
Depressed on Valentine's Day, Walden tries to talk Kate into giving him another chance; Alan's holiday plans go south.
  • Thu 9/28
  • 3:00PM-3:30PM
  • 40
  • FX
  •  
  •  
  • 767
  • FX HD

Throgwarten Middle School Mysteries

S10, E17  (First Aired: Feb. 21, 2013)
When Walden runs into his ex and they start talking about getting back together, Alan worries that she is not good enough.
  • Thu 9/28
  • 3:30PM-4:00PM
  • 40
  • FX
  •  
  •  
  • 767
  • FX HD

I Can't Afford Hyenas

S01, E14  (First Aired: Feb. 2, 2004)
Charlie realizes he's broke when his credit card is declined at the grocery store. Richard Lewis guest stars.
  • Thu 9/28
  • 6:30PM-7:00PM
  • 11
  • WPIX
  •  
  •  
  • 711
  • WPIXDT

Big Episode: Someone Stole a Spoon

S10, E19  (First Aired: Mar. 14, 2013)
Alan and Walden end up partying too hard as they try to cheer up Herb.
  • Fri 9/29
  • 12:30AM-1:00AM
  • 11
  • WPIX
  •  
  •  
  • 711
  • WPIXDT

Advantage: Fat, Flying Baby

S10, E16  (First Aired: Feb. 14, 2013)
Depressed on Valentine's Day, Walden tries to talk Kate into giving him another chance; Alan's holiday plans go south.
  • Fri 9/29
  • 12:30PM-1:00PM
  • 40
  • FX
  •  
  •  
  • 767
  • FX HD

Throgwarten Middle School Mysteries

S10, E17  (First Aired: Feb. 21, 2013)
When Walden runs into his ex and they start talking about getting back together, Alan worries that she is not good enough.
  • Fri 9/29
  • 1:00PM-1:30PM
  • 40
  • FX
  •  
  •  
  • 767
  • FX HD

The 9:04 From Pemberton

S10, E18  (First Aired: Mar. 7, 2013)
After a fight with Walden, Alan decides to move in with Herb.
  • Fri 9/29
  • 4:00PM-4:30PM
  • 40
  • FX
  •  
  •  
  • 767
  • FX HD

Big Episode: Someone Stole a Spoon

S10, E19  (First Aired: Mar. 14, 2013)
Alan and Walden end up partying too hard as they try to cheer up Herb.
  • Fri 9/29
  • 4:30PM-5:00PM
  • 40
  • FX
  •  
  •  
  • 767
  • FX HD

Ate the Hamburgers, Wearing the Hats

S01, E17  (First Aired: Feb. 23, 2004)
Alan offends Charlie by choosing harebrained cousins as Jake's guardians in the event of his death.
  • Fri 9/29
  • 6:30PM-7:00PM
  • 11
  • WPIX
  •  
  •  
  • 711
  • WPIXDT

Bazinga! That's From a TV Show

S10, E20  (First Aired: Apr. 4, 2013)
Walden and Alan are caught in the crossfire when Jake cheats on his girlfriend (Jaime Pressly) with her 18-year-old daughter.
  • Sat 9/30
  • 12:30AM-1:00AM
  • 11
  • WPIX
  •  
  •  
  • 711
  • WPIXDT
  •  
  • 7:00AM-7:30AM
  • 40
  • FX
  •  
  •  
  • 767
  • FX HD

Another Night With Neil Diamond

S10, E21  (First Aired: Apr. 25, 2013)
Alan has a difficult time coping when Lyndsey breaks up with him.
  • Sat 9/30
  • 7:30AM-8:00AM
  • 40
  • FX
  •  
  •  
  • 767
  • FX HD

My Bodacious Vidalia

S10, E22  (First Aired: May. 2, 2013)
With encouragement from Walden, Alan decides to update his look; Alan is faced with a moral dilemma when he attracts a married woman.
  • Sat 9/30
  • 8:00AM-8:30AM
  • 40
  • FX
  •  
  •  
  • 767
  • FX HD

Cows, Prepare to Be Tipped

S10, E23  (First Aired: May. 9, 2013)
Walden dates an attractive 22-year-old (Hilary Duff), but ends up being more interested in her grandmother (Marilu Henner); Jake and Alan go on a trip.
  • Sat 9/30
  • 8:30AM-9:00AM
  • 40
  • FX
  •  
  •  
  • 767
  • FX HD

Weekend in Bangkok With Two Olympic Gymnasts

S03, E01  (First Aired: Sep. 19, 2005)
After Alan falls off the roof, Charlie volunteers to watch Jake for the weekend.
  • Sun 10/1
  • 3:00PM-3:30PM
  • 11
  • WPIX
  •  
  •  
  • 711
  • WPIXDT

Principal Gallagher's Lesbian Lover

S03, E02  (First Aired: Sep. 26, 2005)
Alan must see the school principal over a picture Jake drew of a schoolmate and calls Charlie to watch over the boy.
  • Sun 10/1
  • 3:30PM-4:00PM
  • 11
  • WPIX
  •  
  •  
  • 711
  • WPIXDT

Carpet Burns and a Bite Mark

S03, E03  (First Aired: Oct. 3, 2005)
Charlie organizes an intervention to keep Alan from reuniting with Judith.
  • Sun 10/1
  • 4:00PM-4:30PM
  • 11
  • WPIX
  •  
  •  
  • 711
  • WPIXDT

Your Dismissive Attitude Toward Boobs

S03, E04  (First Aired: Oct. 10, 2005)
Berta moves into Charlie's house for a few days and plays one brother against the other.
  • Sun 10/1
  • 4:30PM-5:00PM
  • 11
  • WPIX
  •  
  •  
  • 711
  • WPIXDT

Pilot

S01, E01  (First Aired: Sep. 22, 2003)
Charlie's life turns upside down when his brother and nephew move in; at the supermarket, Charlie discovers he can use 10-year-old Jake to attract women.
  • Mon 10/2
  • 3:00PM-3:30PM
  • 40
  • FX
  •  
  •  
  • 767
  • FX HD

Big Flappy Bastards

S01, E02  (First Aired: Sep. 29, 2003)
Charlie doesn't know how to discipline Jake for luring a flock of sea gulls into his room; Judith surprises Alan when he goes home to fix her sprinklers.
  • Mon 10/2
  • 3:30PM-4:00PM
  • 40
  • FX
  •  
  •  
  • 767
  • FX HD

An Old Flame With a New Wick

S01, E18  (First Aired: Mar. 1, 2004)
Charlie is stunned to learn his ex-girlfriend is now a man (Chris O'Donnell).
  • Mon 10/2
  • 6:30PM-7:00PM
  • 11
  • WPIX
  •  
  •  
  • 711
  • WPIXDT

I Remember the Coatroom, I Just Don't Remember You

S01, E19  (First Aired: Mar. 22, 2004)
Judith's sister, Liz (guest star Teri Hatcher), hits on Alan at Jake's birthday party; Evelyn prefers alcohol to cake.
  • Tue 10/3
  • 12:30AM-1:00AM
  • 11
  • WPIX
  •  
  •  
  • 711
  • WPIXDT

Pilot

S01, E01  (First Aired: Sep. 22, 2003)
Charlie's life turns upside down when his brother and nephew move in; at the supermarket, Charlie discovers he can use 10-year-old Jake to attract women.
  • Tue 10/3
  • 12:00PM-12:30PM
  • 40
  • FX
  •  
  •  
  • 767
  • FX HD

Big Flappy Bastards

S01, E02  (First Aired: Sep. 29, 2003)
Charlie doesn't know how to discipline Jake for luring a flock of sea gulls into his room; Judith surprises Alan when he goes home to fix her sprinklers.
  • Tue 10/3
  • 12:30PM-1:00PM
  • 40
  • FX
  •  
  •  
  • 767
  • FX HD

Go East on Sunset Until You Reach the Gates of Hell

S01, E03  (First Aired: Oct. 6, 2003)
One drink too many emboldens the brothers to stand up to their controlling mother.
  • Tue 10/3
  • 3:00PM-3:30PM
  • 40
  • FX
  •  
  •  
  • 767
  • FX HD

If I Can't Write My Chocolate Song, I'm Going to Take a Nap

S01, E04  (First Aired: Oct. 13, 2003)
Alan offers to help get Charlie's cleaning lady back if Charlie can get Jake ready to go out to dinner with his mother.
  • Tue 10/3
  • 3:30PM-4:00PM
  • 40
  • FX
  •  
  •  
  • 767
  • FX HD

Hey, I Can Pee Outside in the Dark

S01, E20  (First Aired: Apr. 19, 2004)
After trying a father/son talk, Alan and Judith decide to take a moody Jake to a therapist (Jane Lynch).
  • Tue 10/3
  • 6:30PM-7:00PM
  • 11
  • WPIX
  •  
  •  
  • 711
  • WPIXDT

No Sniffing, No Wowing

S01, E21  (First Aired: May. 3, 2004)
Charlie jeopardizes Alan's divorce settlement by sleeping with his attorney, Laura (Heather Locklear).
  • Wed 10/4
  • 12:30AM-1:00AM
  • 11
  • WPIX
  •  
  •  
  • 711
  • WPIXDT

Go East on Sunset Until You Reach the Gates of Hell

S01, E03  (First Aired: Oct. 6, 2003)
One drink too many emboldens the brothers to stand up to their controlling mother.
  • Wed 10/4
  • 12:30PM-1:00PM
  • 40
  • FX
  •  
  •  
  • 767
  • FX HD

If I Can't Write My Chocolate Song, I'm Going to Take a Nap

S01, E04  (First Aired: Oct. 13, 2003)
Alan offers to help get Charlie's cleaning lady back if Charlie can get Jake ready to go out to dinner with his mother.
  • Wed 10/4
  • 1:00PM-1:30PM
  • 40
  • FX
  •  
  •  
  • 767
  • FX HD

The Last Thing You Want Is to Wind Up With a Hump

S01, E05  (First Aired: Oct. 20, 2003)
Charlie and Alan meet several women while attending one of Jake's soccer games.
  • Wed 10/4
  • 3:00PM-3:30PM
  • 40
  • FX
  •  
  •  
  • 767
  • FX HD

Did You Check With the Captain of the Flying Monkeys?

S01, E06  (First Aired: Oct. 27, 2003)
After Evelyn's new beau dumps her, Charlie and Alan enlist Jake to cheer her up; Charlie teaches Jake a lesson about screening telephone calls from women.
  • Wed 10/4
  • 3:30PM-4:00PM
  • 40
  • FX
  •  
  •  
  • 767
  • FX HD

My Doctor Has a Cow Puppet

S01, E22  (First Aired: May. 10, 2004)
Charlie attempts to cure Alan of his recent bout of sleepwalking; Jake sees a therapist (Jane Lynch).
  • Wed 10/4
  • 6:30PM-7:00PM
  • 11
  • WPIX
  •  
  •  
  • 711
  • WPIXDT

Just Like Buffalo

S01, E23  (First Aired: May. 17, 2004)
Charlie tries to sweet talk Judith's divorcee support-group into letting Jake continue to spend weekends at his place.
  • Thu 10/5
  • 12:30AM-1:00AM
  • 11
  • WPIX
  •  
  •  
  • 711
  • WPIXDT

The Last Thing You Want Is to Wind Up With a Hump

S01, E05  (First Aired: Oct. 20, 2003)
Charlie and Alan meet several women while attending one of Jake's soccer games.
  • Thu 10/5
  • 12:00PM-12:30PM
  • 40
  • FX
  •  
  •  
  • 767
  • FX HD

Did You Check With the Captain of the Flying Monkeys?

S01, E06  (First Aired: Oct. 27, 2003)
After Evelyn's new beau dumps her, Charlie and Alan enlist Jake to cheer her up; Charlie teaches Jake a lesson about screening telephone calls from women.
  • Thu 10/5
  • 12:30PM-1:00PM
  • 40
  • FX
  •  
  •  
  • 767
  • FX HD

If They Do Go Either Way, They're Usually Fake

S01, E07  (First Aired: Nov. 3, 2003)
For a school assignment, Jake draws the tattooed buttocks of Charlie's female friend.
  • Thu 10/5
  • 3:00PM-3:30PM
  • 40
  • FX
  •  
  •  
  • 767
  • FX HD

Twenty-Five Little Pre-Pubers Without a Snoot-Ful

S01, E08  (First Aired: Nov. 10, 2003)
Charlie realizes Jake's classmates know the words to all of his jingles, and he is inspired to craft the fourth-grade musical with unusual results.
  • Thu 10/5
  • 3:30PM-4:00PM
  • 40
  • FX
  •  
  •  
  • 767
  • FX HD

Can You Feel My Finger?

S01, E24  (First Aired: May. 24, 2004)
A pregnancy scare has Charlie heading to the doctor for a vasectomy.
  • Thu 10/5
  • 6:30PM-7:00PM
  • 11
  • WPIX
  •  
  •  
  • 711
  • WPIXDT

Another Night With Neil Diamond

S10, E21  (First Aired: Apr. 25, 2013)
Alan has a difficult time coping when Lyndsey breaks up with him.
  • Fri 10/6
  • 12:30AM-1:00AM
  • 11
  • WPIX
  •  
  •  
  • 711
  • WPIXDT

If They Do Go Either Way, They're Usually Fake

S01, E07  (First Aired: Nov. 3, 2003)
For a school assignment, Jake draws the tattooed buttocks of Charlie's female friend.
  • Fri 10/6
  • 12:00PM-12:30PM
  • 40
  • FX
  •  
  •  
  • 767
  • FX HD

Twenty-Five Little Pre-Pubers Without a Snoot-Ful

S01, E08  (First Aired: Nov. 10, 2003)
Charlie realizes Jake's classmates know the words to all of his jingles, and he is inspired to craft the fourth-grade musical with unusual results.
  • Fri 10/6
  • 12:30PM-1:00PM
  • 40
  • FX
  •  
  •  
  • 767
  • FX HD

Phase One, Complete

S01, E09  (First Aired: Nov. 17, 2003)
Jake and Evelyn befriend one of Charlie's one-night stands, causing her to stay longer than expected.
  • Fri 10/6
  • 4:00PM-4:30PM
  • 40
  • FX
  •  
  •  
  • 767
  • FX HD

Alan Harper, Frontier Chiropractor

S01, E11  (First Aired: Dec. 15, 2003)
Alan reluctantly agrees to a makeover after running into his ex-wife and her new beau; when the brothers go shopping, they clash over what to buy.
  • Fri 10/6
  • 4:30PM-5:00PM
  • 40
  • FX
  •  
  •  
  • 767
  • FX HD

Back Off Mary Poppins

S02, E01  (First Aired: Sep. 20, 2004)
Alan learns that Charlie belongs to an exclusive men's group, and he begs his brother to let him join.
  • Fri 10/6
  • 6:30PM-7:00PM
  • 11
  • WPIX
  •  
  •  
  • 711
  • WPIXDT

My Bodacious Vidalia

S10, E22  (First Aired: May. 2, 2013)
With encouragement from Walden, Alan decides to update his look; Alan is faced with a moral dilemma when he attracts a married woman.
  • Sat 10/7
  • 12:30AM-1:00AM
  • 11
  • WPIX
  •  
  •  
  • 711
  • WPIXDT

Camel Filters and Pheremones

S01, E12  (First Aired: Jan. 5, 2004)
The housekeeper's beautiful granddaughter comes to work with her and attracts the attention of the men; Alan tries to convince Judith that Charlie's house is good for Jake.
  • Sat 10/7
  • 7:00AM-7:30AM
  • 40
  • FX
  •  
  •  
  • 767
  • FX HD

Sarah Like Puny Alan

S01, E13  (First Aired: Jan. 12, 2004)
Charlie sets his ailing brother up on a date, then drags him to a steam room to help him get rid of his flu symptoms.
  • Sat 10/7
  • 7:30AM-8:00AM
  • 40
  • FX
  •  
  •  
  • 767
  • FX HD

I Can't Afford Hyenas

S01, E14  (First Aired: Feb. 2, 2004)
Charlie realizes he's broke when his credit card is declined at the grocery store. Richard Lewis guest stars.
  • Sun 10/8
  • 2:30AM-3:00AM
  • 40
  • FX
  •  
  •  
  • 767
  • FX HD

Round One to the Hot Crazy Chick

S01, E15  (First Aired: Feb. 9, 2004)
Against Alan's judgment, Charlie falls for a seemingly crazy woman named Frankie. Guest star: Jenna Elfman.
  • Sun 10/8
  • 3:00AM-3:30AM
  • 40
  • FX
  •  
  •  
  • 767
  • FX HD

We Called It Mr. Pinky

S03, E05  (First Aired: Oct. 17, 2005)
Charlie responds inappropriately to a woman's declaration of love, and Rose says his inability to have a long-lasting relationship is due to unresolved issues with his mother.
  • Sun 10/8
  • 8:00PM-8:30PM
  • 11
  • WPIX
  •  
  •  
  • 711
  • WPIXDT

Sleep Tight, Puddin' Pop

S03, E07  (First Aired: Nov. 7, 2005)
Rose's father (Martin Sheen) confronts Charlie about his intentions toward Rose.
  • Sun 10/8
  • 8:30PM-9:00PM
  • 11
  • WPIX
  •  
  •  
  • 711
  • WPIXDT

That Voodoo That I Do Do

S03, E08  (First Aired: Nov. 14, 2005)
Charlie cons Jake into taking ballet lessons in order to get close to the teacher.
  • Sun 10/8
  • 9:00PM-9:30PM
  • 11
  • WPIX
  •  
  •  
  • 711
  • WPIXDT

Madame and Her Special Friend

S03, E09  (First Aired: Nov. 21, 2005)
A wealthy, elderly woman (Cloris Leachman) sets her sights on Alan.
  • Sun 10/8
  • 9:30PM-10:00PM
  • 11
  • WPIX
  •  
  •  
  • 711
  • WPIXDT

That Was Saliva, Alan

S01, E16  (First Aired: Feb. 16, 2004)
Frankie tells Charlie and Alan why she and her daughter are on the run; Frankie's daughter has a crush on Jake.
  • Mon 10/9
  • 3:00PM-3:30PM
  • 40
  • FX
  •  
  •  
  • 767
  • FX HD

Ate the Hamburgers, Wearing the Hats

S01, E17  (First Aired: Feb. 23, 2004)
Alan offends Charlie by choosing harebrained cousins as Jake's guardians in the event of his death.
  • Mon 10/9
  • 3:30PM-4:00PM
  • 40
  • FX
  •  
  •  
  • 767
  • FX HD

Enjoy Those Garlic Balls

S02, E02  (First Aired: Sep. 27, 2004)
Judith is dating Jake's pediatrician (Ryan Stiles), and Alan is upset until Charlie points out that if she remarries, his alimony payments will end.
  • Mon 10/9
  • 6:30PM-7:00PM
  • 11
  • WPIX
  •  
  •  
  • 711
  • WPIXDT