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Two and a Half Men

Two and a Half Men

Genre: Sitcom

Chiropractor and single father Alan Harper lives in a beachfront house with divorced Internet billionaire Walden Schmidt, who bought the house following the untimely death of Alan's brother, Charlie. As they acclimate to their living arrangement, the tightly wound Alan finds himself taking on a mentor role with Walden, whose lifelong dependence on being taken care of has left him a bit naive. Despite his unsuccessful romantic history, Alan also tries to help Walden overcome his limited experiences with dating. Berta, a sharp-tongued, unapologetic housekeeper, is also featured in the series.
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    2.5 / 5.0
    Avg. 2.5 (12,263 ratings)
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All Upcoming Times for Two and a Half Men

Episode Air Date Channel

Don't Worry, Speed Racer

S04, E13  (First Aired: Jan. 22, 2007)
When Jake tells Charlie and Alan that he often overhears Judith and Herb (Ryan Stiles) making out, it triggers a repressed memory for Charlie.
  • Tue 7/25
  • 12:00PM-12:30PM
  • 40
  • FX
  •  
  •  
  • 767
  • FX HD

That's Summer Sausage, Not Salami

S04, E14  (First Aired: Feb. 5, 2007)
Charlie has second thoughts after setting Alan up with their new neighbor (guest star Brooke Shields).
  • Tue 7/25
  • 12:30PM-1:00PM
  • 40
  • FX
  •  
  •  
  • 767
  • FX HD

My Damn Stalker

S04, E15  (First Aired: Feb. 12, 2007)
Charlie must face his feelings when Rose announces she is moving to London; Alan fudges his online dating profile, only to wind up with a fellow profile-embellisher (Allison Janney).
  • Tue 7/25
  • 3:00PM-3:30PM
  • 40
  • FX
  •  
  •  
  • 767
  • FX HD

Young People Have Phlegm Too

S04, E16  (First Aired: Feb. 19, 2007)
A more mature woman (Morgan Fairchild) helps rebuild Charlie's ego after he becomes insecure about his age.
  • Tue 7/25
  • 3:30PM-4:00PM
  • 40
  • FX
  •  
  •  
  • 767
  • FX HD

Dum Diddy Dum Diddy Doo

S05, E03  (First Aired: Oct. 8, 2007)
Charlie lets Alan set him up with a woman his own age.
  • Wed 7/26
  • 1:00AM-1:30AM
  • 11
  • WPIX
  •  
  •  
  • 711
  • WPIXDT

City of Great Racks

S05, E04  (First Aired: Oct. 15, 2007)
Although Charlie is getting closer to Linda, he begins to see Rose's face wherever he looks.
  • Wed 7/26
  • 1:30AM-2:00AM
  • 11
  • WPIX
  •  
  •  
  • 711
  • WPIXDT

My Damn Stalker

S04, E15  (First Aired: Feb. 12, 2007)
Charlie must face his feelings when Rose announces she is moving to London; Alan fudges his online dating profile, only to wind up with a fellow profile-embellisher (Allison Janney).
  • Wed 7/26
  • 12:00PM-12:30PM
  • 40
  • FX
  •  
  •  
  • 767
  • FX HD

Young People Have Phlegm Too

S04, E16  (First Aired: Feb. 19, 2007)
A more mature woman (Morgan Fairchild) helps rebuild Charlie's ego after he becomes insecure about his age.
  • Wed 7/26
  • 12:30PM-1:00PM
  • 40
  • FX
  •  
  •  
  • 767
  • FX HD

I Merely Slept With a Commie

S04, E17  (First Aired: Feb. 26, 2007)
Evelyn makes Charlie and Alan regret saying that she will not have any mourners at her funeral.
  • Wed 7/26
  • 3:00PM-3:30PM
  • 40
  • FX
  •  
  •  
  • 767
  • FX HD

It Never Rains in Hooterville

S04, E18  (First Aired: Mar. 19, 2007)
After realizing that Jake's childhood is almost over, Alan makes a last-minute try at father-son bonding; Kandi embarks on a new career.
  • Wed 7/26
  • 3:30PM-4:00PM
  • 40
  • FX
  •  
  •  
  • 767
  • FX HD

Putting Swim Fins on a Cat

S05, E05  (First Aired: Oct. 22, 2007)
Charlie has to entertain his girlfriend's 4-year-old son; Alan becomes a human guinea pig.
  • Wed 7/26
  • 7:00PM-7:30PM
  • 11
  • WPIX
  •  
  •  
  • 711
  • WPIXDT

Help Daddy Find His Toenail

S05, E06  (First Aired: Oct. 29, 2007)
Charlie's girlfriend is embarrassed to be seen with him; Jake sneaks out to go to a concert.
  • Wed 7/26
  • 7:30PM-8:00PM
  • 11
  • WPIX
  •  
  •  
  • 711
  • WPIXDT

I Merely Slept With a Commie

S04, E17  (First Aired: Feb. 26, 2007)
Evelyn makes Charlie and Alan regret saying that she will not have any mourners at her funeral.
  • Thu 7/27
  • 11:30AM-12:00PM
  • 40
  • FX
  •  
  •  
  • 767
  • FX HD

It Never Rains in Hooterville

S04, E18  (First Aired: Mar. 19, 2007)
After realizing that Jake's childhood is almost over, Alan makes a last-minute try at father-son bonding; Kandi embarks on a new career.
  • Thu 7/27
  • 12:00PM-12:30PM
  • 40
  • FX
  •  
  •  
  • 767
  • FX HD

Smooth as a Ken Doll

S04, E19  (First Aired: Apr. 9, 2007)
Charlie gets close to Herb's witty sister, as Judith and Herb's wedding nears.
  • Thu 7/27
  • 3:00PM-3:30PM
  • 40
  • FX
  •  
  •  
  • 767
  • FX HD

Aunt Myra Doesn't Pee a Lot

S04, E20  (First Aired: Apr. 16, 2007)
Alan prepares Jake for Judith's wedding; Charlie continues his fling with Herb's sister.
  • Thu 7/27
  • 3:30PM-4:00PM
  • 40
  • FX
  •  
  •  
  • 767
  • FX HD

Our Leather Gear Is in the Guest Room

S05, E07  (First Aired: Nov. 5, 2007)
Charlie and Alan butt heads over Alan's place in the house, prompting Alan and Jake to move in with Evelyn.
  • Thu 7/27
  • 7:00PM-7:30PM
  • 11
  • WPIX
  •  
  •  
  • 711
  • WPIXDT

Mr. Hose Says Yes

S09, E21  (First Aired: Apr. 16, 2012)
Zoey and her daughter move in with Walden; Alan gets more than he bargained for with Lyndsey.
  • Thu 7/27
  • 7:30PM-8:00PM
  • 11
  • WPIX
  •  
  •  
  • 711
  • WPIXDT

Smooth as a Ken Doll

S04, E19  (First Aired: Apr. 9, 2007)
Charlie gets close to Herb's witty sister, as Judith and Herb's wedding nears.
  • Fri 7/28
  • 11:30AM-12:00PM
  • 40
  • FX
  •  
  •  
  • 767
  • FX HD

Aunt Myra Doesn't Pee a Lot

S04, E20  (First Aired: Apr. 16, 2007)
Alan prepares Jake for Judith's wedding; Charlie continues his fling with Herb's sister.
  • Fri 7/28
  • 12:00PM-12:30PM
  • 40
  • FX
  •  
  •  
  • 767
  • FX HD

Tucked, Taped and Gorgeous

S04, E21  (First Aired: Apr. 23, 2007)
Alan's friendship with a gay single dad prompts both Alan and Charlie to re-examine their sexual identities.
  • Fri 7/28
  • 4:00PM-4:30PM
  • 40
  • FX
  •  
  •  
  • 767
  • FX HD

Mr. McGlue's Feedbag

S04, E22  (First Aired: Apr. 30, 2007)
Jake has a windfall when Charlie takes him to the track; Alan finds himself stuck at the Department of Motor Vehicles.
  • Fri 7/28
  • 4:30PM-5:00PM
  • 40
  • FX
  •  
  •  
  • 767
  • FX HD

Is There a Mrs. Waffles?

S05, E08  (First Aired: Nov. 12, 2007)
Charlie finds success as a children's singing star, which makes Alan miserable.
  • Fri 7/28
  • 7:00PM-7:30PM
  • 11
  • WPIX
  •  
  •  
  • 711
  • WPIXDT

Why We Gave Up Women

S09, E22  (First Aired: Apr. 30, 2012)
When Alan has a heart attack, Charlie's ghost (Kathy Bates) visits him.
  • Fri 7/28
  • 7:30PM-8:00PM
  • 11
  • WPIX
  •  
  •  
  • 711
  • WPIXDT

Anteaters. They're Just Crazy-Lookin'

S04, E23  (First Aired: May. 7, 2007)
Charlie loses a woman to the young, handsome handyman (guest star Enrique Iglesias) working at his house.
  • Sat 7/29
  • 9:00AM-9:30AM
  • 40
  • FX
  •  
  •  
  • 767
  • FX HD

Prostitutes and Gelato

S04, E24  (First Aired: May. 14, 2007)
Charlie and Alan must confront their ``daddy issues'' when Evelyn's new boyfriend (Robert Wagner) invites them to Las Vegas on his private jet.
  • Sat 7/29
  • 9:30AM-10:00AM
  • 40
  • FX
  •  
  •  
  • 767
  • FX HD

Large Birds, Spiders and Mom

S05, E01  (First Aired: Sep. 24, 2007)
Charlie and Alan try to prepare Jake for his first day of junior high.
  • Sat 7/29
  • 10:00AM-10:30AM
  • 40
  • FX
  •  
  •  
  • 767
  • FX HD

Media Room Slash Dungeon

S05, E02  (First Aired: Oct. 1, 2007)
Charlie behaves strangely after an evening with his mother; Alan's date (Janeane Garofalo) reacts oddly after making love.
  • Sat 7/29
  • 10:30AM-11:00AM
  • 40
  • FX
  •  
  •  
  • 767
  • FX HD

This Is Not Gonna End Well

S07, E22  (First Aired: May. 24, 2010)
After Charlie's license is suspended, Jake becomes his driver; Alan plans to go to Chelsea's birthday party.
  • Sat 7/29
  • 7:00PM-7:30PM
  • 11
  • WPIX
  •  
  •  
  • 711
  • WPIXDT

Three Girls and a Guy Named Bud

S08, E01  (First Aired: Sep. 20, 2010)
Jake goes to live with Judith and Herb after learning that Alan has been dating Eldridge's mom; Charlie decides to cut back on his drinking.
  • Sat 7/29
  • 7:30PM-8:00PM
  • 11
  • WPIX
  •  
  •  
  • 711
  • WPIXDT

The Immortal Mr. Billy Joel

S08, E05  (First Aired: Oct. 18, 2010)
Alan pretends to be Charlie when he goes out on the town; Charlie sneaks off for cosmetic surgery.
  • Sun 7/30
  • 8:00PM-8:30PM
  • 11
  • WPIX
  •  
  •  
  • 711
  • WPIXDT

Twanging Your Magic Clanger

S08, E06  (First Aired: Oct. 25, 2010)
Charlie has difficulty dealing with dating a slightly older woman.
  • Sun 7/30
  • 8:30PM-9:00PM
  • 11
  • WPIX
  •  
  •  
  • 711
  • WPIXDT

Dum Diddy Dum Diddy Doo

S05, E03  (First Aired: Oct. 8, 2007)
Charlie lets Alan set him up with a woman his own age.
  • Mon 7/31
  • 3:00PM-3:30PM
  • 40
  • FX
  •  
  •  
  • 767
  • FX HD

City of Great Racks

S05, E04  (First Aired: Oct. 15, 2007)
Although Charlie is getting closer to Linda, he begins to see Rose's face wherever he looks.
  • Mon 7/31
  • 3:30PM-4:00PM
  • 40
  • FX
  •  
  •  
  • 767
  • FX HD

Kinda Like Necrophilia

S05, E10  (First Aired: Nov. 26, 2007)
Alan seeks revenge when he discovers that Charlie stole his high-school girlfriend.
  • Mon 7/31
  • 7:00PM-7:30PM
  • 11
  • WPIX
  •  
  •  
  • 711
  • WPIXDT

Meander to Your Dander

S05, E11  (First Aired: Mar. 17, 2008)
Charlie offers Alan pointers on how to break up with a woman.
  • Mon 7/31
  • 7:30PM-8:00PM
  • 11
  • WPIX
  •  
  •  
  • 711
  • WPIXDT

Dum Diddy Dum Diddy Doo

S05, E03  (First Aired: Oct. 8, 2007)
Charlie lets Alan set him up with a woman his own age.
  • Tue 8/1
  • 11:30AM-12:00PM
  • 40
  • FX
  •  
  •  
  • 767
  • FX HD

City of Great Racks

S05, E04  (First Aired: Oct. 15, 2007)
Although Charlie is getting closer to Linda, he begins to see Rose's face wherever he looks.
  • Tue 8/1
  • 12:00PM-12:30PM
  • 40
  • FX
  •  
  •  
  • 767
  • FX HD

Putting Swim Fins on a Cat

S05, E05  (First Aired: Oct. 22, 2007)
Charlie has to entertain his girlfriend's 4-year-old son; Alan becomes a human guinea pig.
  • Tue 8/1
  • 3:00PM-3:30PM
  • 40
  • FX
  •  
  •  
  • 767
  • FX HD

Help Daddy Find His Toenail

S05, E06  (First Aired: Oct. 29, 2007)
Charlie's girlfriend is embarrassed to be seen with him; Jake sneaks out to go to a concert.
  • Tue 8/1
  • 3:30PM-4:00PM
  • 40
  • FX
  •  
  •  
  • 767
  • FX HD

A Little Clammy and None Too Fresh

S05, E12  (First Aired: Mar. 24, 2008)
Rose comes back from England and takes care of sick Charlie in a very strange way.
  • Tue 8/1
  • 7:00PM-7:30PM
  • 11
  • WPIX
  •  
  •  
  • 711
  • WPIXDT

The Soil Is Moist

S05, E13  (First Aired: Mar. 31, 2008)
Alan's date, who happens to be a friend of his ex, reveals a secret about Judith's sex life.
  • Tue 8/1
  • 7:30PM-8:00PM
  • 11
  • WPIX
  •  
  •  
  • 711
  • WPIXDT

Putting Swim Fins on a Cat

S05, E05  (First Aired: Oct. 22, 2007)
Charlie has to entertain his girlfriend's 4-year-old son; Alan becomes a human guinea pig.
  • Wed 8/2
  • 11:30AM-12:00PM
  • 40
  • FX
  •  
  •  
  • 767
  • FX HD

Help Daddy Find His Toenail

S05, E06  (First Aired: Oct. 29, 2007)
Charlie's girlfriend is embarrassed to be seen with him; Jake sneaks out to go to a concert.
  • Wed 8/2
  • 12:00PM-12:30PM
  • 40
  • FX
  •  
  •  
  • 767
  • FX HD

Our Leather Gear Is in the Guest Room

S05, E07  (First Aired: Nov. 5, 2007)
Charlie and Alan butt heads over Alan's place in the house, prompting Alan and Jake to move in with Evelyn.
  • Wed 8/2
  • 3:00PM-3:30PM
  • 40
  • FX
  •  
  •  
  • 767
  • FX HD

Is There a Mrs. Waffles?

S05, E08  (First Aired: Nov. 12, 2007)
Charlie finds success as a children's singing star, which makes Alan miserable.
  • Wed 8/2
  • 3:30PM-4:00PM
  • 40
  • FX
  •  
  •  
  • 767
  • FX HD

Winky-Dink Time

S05, E14  (First Aired: Apr. 14, 2008)
Charlie goes with Jake on a double date and sets up Alan with a prostitute.
  • Wed 8/2
  • 7:00PM-7:30PM
  • 11
  • WPIX
  •  
  •  
  • 711
  • WPIXDT

Rough Night in Hump Junction

S05, E15  (First Aired: Apr. 21, 2008)
Alan fears that Charlie's womanizing is getting out of control.
  • Wed 8/2
  • 7:30PM-8:00PM
  • 11
  • WPIX
  •  
  •  
  • 711
  • WPIXDT

Our Leather Gear Is in the Guest Room

S05, E07  (First Aired: Nov. 5, 2007)
Charlie and Alan butt heads over Alan's place in the house, prompting Alan and Jake to move in with Evelyn.
  • Thu 8/3
  • 11:30AM-12:00PM
  • 40
  • FX
  •  
  •  
  • 767
  • FX HD

Is There a Mrs. Waffles?

S05, E08  (First Aired: Nov. 12, 2007)
Charlie finds success as a children's singing star, which makes Alan miserable.
  • Thu 8/3
  • 12:00PM-12:30PM
  • 40
  • FX
  •  
  •  
  • 767
  • FX HD

Tight's Good

S05, E09  (First Aired: Nov. 19, 2007)
Charlie tries to resist an attraction to his soon-to-be stepsister (Jenny McCarthy).
  • Thu 8/3
  • 3:00PM-3:30PM
  • 40
  • FX
  •  
  •  
  • 767
  • FX HD

Kinda Like Necrophilia

S05, E10  (First Aired: Nov. 26, 2007)
Alan seeks revenge when he discovers that Charlie stole his high-school girlfriend.
  • Thu 8/3
  • 3:30PM-4:00PM
  • 40
  • FX
  •  
  •  
  • 767
  • FX HD

Look at Me, Mommy, I'm Pretty

S05, E16  (First Aired: Apr. 28, 2008)
Alan plans Evelyn's wedding; Charlie pursues his future stepsister.
  • Thu 8/3
  • 7:00PM-7:30PM
  • 11
  • WPIX
  •  
  •  
  • 711
  • WPIXDT

The Straw in My Donut Hole

S09, E23  (First Aired: May. 7, 2012)
Zoey isn't convinced Alan deserves all the love and affection he receives upon his return from the hospital.
  • Thu 8/3
  • 7:30PM-8:00PM
  • 11
  • WPIX
  •  
  •  
  • 711
  • WPIXDT

Tight's Good

S05, E09  (First Aired: Nov. 19, 2007)
Charlie tries to resist an attraction to his soon-to-be stepsister (Jenny McCarthy).
  • Fri 8/4
  • 11:30AM-12:00PM
  • 40
  • FX
  •  
  •  
  • 767
  • FX HD

Kinda Like Necrophilia

S05, E10  (First Aired: Nov. 26, 2007)
Alan seeks revenge when he discovers that Charlie stole his high-school girlfriend.
  • Fri 8/4
  • 12:00PM-12:30PM
  • 40
  • FX
  •  
  •  
  • 767
  • FX HD

Meander to Your Dander

S05, E11  (First Aired: Mar. 17, 2008)
Charlie offers Alan pointers on how to break up with a woman.
  • Fri 8/4
  • 4:30PM-5:00PM
  • 40
  • FX
  •  
  •  
  • 767
  • FX HD

A Little Clammy and None Too Fresh

S05, E12  (First Aired: Mar. 24, 2008)
Rose comes back from England and takes care of sick Charlie in a very strange way.
  • Fri 8/4
  • 5:00PM-5:30PM
  • 40
  • FX
  •  
  •  
  • 767
  • FX HD

Fish in a Drawer

S05, E17  (First Aired: May. 5, 2008)
A CSI team investigates a mysterious death at Charlie's house.
  • Fri 8/4
  • 7:00PM-7:30PM
  • 11
  • WPIX
  •  
  •  
  • 711
  • WPIXDT

Oh Look! Al-Qaeda!

S09, E24  (First Aired: May. 14, 2012)
Jake graduates and must decide what to do with his life.
  • Fri 8/4
  • 7:30PM-8:00PM
  • 11
  • WPIX
  •  
  •  
  • 711
  • WPIXDT

The Soil Is Moist

S05, E13  (First Aired: Mar. 31, 2008)
Alan's date, who happens to be a friend of his ex, reveals a secret about Judith's sex life.
  • Sat 8/5
  • 10:00AM-10:30AM
  • 40
  • FX
  •  
  •  
  • 767
  • FX HD

Winky-Dink Time

S05, E14  (First Aired: Apr. 14, 2008)
Charlie goes with Jake on a double date and sets up Alan with a prostitute.
  • Sat 8/5
  • 10:30AM-11:00AM
  • 40
  • FX
  •  
  •  
  • 767
  • FX HD

Rough Night in Hump Junction

S05, E15  (First Aired: Apr. 21, 2008)
Alan fears that Charlie's womanizing is getting out of control.
  • Sat 8/5
  • 11:00AM-11:30AM
  • 40
  • FX
  •  
  •  
  • 767
  • FX HD

Look at Me, Mommy, I'm Pretty

S05, E16  (First Aired: Apr. 28, 2008)
Alan plans Evelyn's wedding; Charlie pursues his future stepsister.
  • Sat 8/5
  • 11:30AM-12:00PM
  • 40
  • FX
  •  
  •  
  • 767
  • FX HD

The Crazy Bitch Gazette

S08, E07  (First Aired: Nov. 1, 2010)
Charlie's girlfriend gets fed up with his stalker, Rose.
  • Sat 8/5
  • 7:00PM-7:30PM
  • 11
  • WPIX
  •  
  •  
  • 711
  • WPIXDT

Springtime on a Stick

S08, E08  (First Aired: Nov. 8, 2010)
Charlie and Alan try to set Evelyn up with the pharmacist, Russell.
  • Sat 8/5
  • 7:30PM-8:00PM
  • 11
  • WPIX
  •  
  •  
  • 711
  • WPIXDT

Look at Me, Mommy, I'm Pretty

S05, E16  (First Aired: Apr. 28, 2008)
Alan plans Evelyn's wedding; Charlie pursues his future stepsister.
  • Sun 8/6
  • 3:00AM-3:30AM
  • 40
  • FX
  •  
  •  
  • 767
  • FX HD

A Good Time in Central Africa

S08, E09  (First Aired: Nov. 15, 2010)
Charlie falls for the woman who replaces Berta on her days off; Alan thinks Lyndsey's ex-husband is stalking him.
  • Sun 8/6
  • 7:00PM-7:30PM
  • 11
  • WPIX
  •  
  •  
  • 711
  • WPIXDT

Ow, Ow, Don't Stop

S08, E10  (First Aired: Nov. 22, 2010)
Charlie goes on a spending spree for old fling Courtney when she shows up after being in prison for three years.
  • Sun 8/6
  • 7:30PM-8:00PM
  • 11
  • WPIX
  •  
  •  
  • 711
  • WPIXDT

Fish in a Drawer

S05, E17  (First Aired: May. 5, 2008)
A CSI team investigates a mysterious death at Charlie's house.
  • Mon 8/7
  • 3:00PM-3:30PM
  • 40
  • FX
  •  
  •  
  • 767
  • FX HD

If My Hole Could Talk

S05, E18  (First Aired: May. 12, 2008)
Charlie discovers he is attracted to an older woman who writes self-help books; Jake and Alan fight over a school assignment.
  • Mon 8/7
  • 3:30PM-4:00PM
  • 40
  • FX
  •  
  •  
  • 767
  • FX HD

Waiting for the Right Snapper

S05, E19  (First Aired: May. 19, 2008)
Charlie tries to resist temptation when he meets the daughter of the woman he's dating and realizes they've met before.
  • Mon 8/7
  • 7:00PM-7:30PM
  • 11
  • WPIX
  •  
  •  
  • 711
  • WPIXDT

Taterhead Is Our Love Child

S06, E01  (First Aired: Sep. 22, 2008)
Charlie finds that one of his former girlfriends has a son who looks a lot like him.
  • Mon 8/7
  • 7:30PM-8:00PM
  • 11
  • WPIX
  •  
  •  
  • 711
  • WPIXDT