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Two and a Half Men

Two and a Half Men

Genre: Sitcom

Chiropractor and single father Alan Harper lives in a beachfront house with divorced Internet billionaire Walden Schmidt, who bought the house following the untimely death of Alan's brother, Charlie. As they acclimate to their living arrangement, the tightly wound Alan finds himself taking on a mentor role with Walden, whose lifelong dependence on being taken care of has left him a bit naive. Despite his unsuccessful romantic history, Alan also tries to help Walden overcome his limited experiences with dating. Berta, a sharp-tongued, unapologetic housekeeper, is also featured in the series.
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    2.5 / 5.0
    Avg. 2.5 (12,263 ratings)
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All Upcoming Times for Two and a Half Men

Episode Air Date Channel

Go East on Sunset Until You Reach the Gates of Hell

S01, E03  (First Aired: Oct. 6, 2003)
One drink too many emboldens the brothers to stand up to their controlling mother.
  • Tue 1/24
  • 7:00PM-7:30PM
  • 11
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If I Can't Write My Chocolate Song, I'm Going to Take a Nap

S01, E04  (First Aired: Oct. 13, 2003)
Alan offers to help get Charlie's cleaning lady back if Charlie can get Jake ready to go out to dinner with his mother.
  • Tue 1/24
  • 7:30PM-8:00PM
  • 11
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Looking' for Japanese Subs

S08, E14  (First Aired: Jan. 17, 2011)
Charlie begins stalking Rose (Melanie Lynskey); Alan becomes concerned when Eldridge and Jake begin videotaping dangerous stunts.
  • Wed 1/25
  • 11:30AM-12:00PM
  • 40
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Three Hookers and a Philly Cheesesteak

S08, E15  (First Aired: Feb. 7, 2011)
Charlie and Rose continue their affair; Alan's business becomes a Ponzi scheme.
  • Wed 1/25
  • 12:00PM-12:30PM
  • 40
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  • 767
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That Darn Priest

S08, E16  (First Aired: Feb. 14, 2011)
Rose discovers Alan's Ponzi scheme; Alan meets Rose's ``husband''; Charlie tries to get time alone with Rose.
  • Wed 1/25
  • 3:00PM-3:30PM
  • 40
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Nice to Meet You, Walden Schmidt

S09, E01  (First Aired: Sep. 19, 2011)
After saying goodbye to the late Charlie Harper, Alan meets Walden Schmidt (Ashton Kutcher), a broken-hearted billionaire.
  • Wed 1/25
  • 3:30PM-4:00PM
  • 40
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  • 767
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The Last Thing You Want Is to Wind Up With a Hump

S01, E05  (First Aired: Oct. 20, 2003)
Charlie and Alan meet several women while attending one of Jake's soccer games.
  • Wed 1/25
  • 7:00PM-7:30PM
  • 11
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Did You Check With the Captain of the Flying Monkeys?

S01, E06  (First Aired: Oct. 27, 2003)
After Evelyn's new beau dumps her, Charlie and Alan enlist Jake to cheer her up; Charlie teaches Jake a lesson about screening telephone calls from women.
  • Wed 1/25
  • 7:30PM-8:00PM
  • 11
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That Darn Priest

S08, E16  (First Aired: Feb. 14, 2011)
Rose discovers Alan's Ponzi scheme; Alan meets Rose's ``husband''; Charlie tries to get time alone with Rose.
  • Thu 1/26
  • 11:30AM-12:00PM
  • 40
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  • 767
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Nice to Meet You, Walden Schmidt

S09, E01  (First Aired: Sep. 19, 2011)
After saying goodbye to the late Charlie Harper, Alan meets Walden Schmidt (Ashton Kutcher), a broken-hearted billionaire.
  • Thu 1/26
  • 12:00PM-12:30PM
  • 40
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  • 767
  • FX HD

People Who Love Peepholes

S09, E02  (First Aired: Sep. 26, 2011)
Walden's ex-wife, Bridget (Judy Greer), turns up.
  • Thu 1/26
  • 3:00PM-3:30PM
  • 40
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  • 767
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Big Girls Don't Throw Food

S09, E03  (First Aired: Oct. 3, 2011)
Alan helps Walden get ready for a date with Bridget (Judy Greer); Jake decides to drop out of school like Walden did.
  • Thu 1/26
  • 3:30PM-4:00PM
  • 40
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If They Do Go Either Way, They're Usually Fake

S01, E07  (First Aired: Nov. 3, 2003)
For a school assignment, Jake draws the tattooed buttocks of Charlie's female friend.
  • Thu 1/26
  • 7:00PM-7:30PM
  • 11
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Another Night With Neil Diamond

S10, E21  (First Aired: Apr. 25, 2013)
Alan has a difficult time coping when Lyndsey breaks up with him.
  • Thu 1/26
  • 7:30PM-8:00PM
  • 11
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People Who Love Peepholes

S09, E02  (First Aired: Sep. 26, 2011)
Walden's ex-wife, Bridget (Judy Greer), turns up.
  • Fri 1/27
  • 12:00PM-12:30PM
  • 40
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  • 767
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Big Girls Don't Throw Food

S09, E03  (First Aired: Oct. 3, 2011)
Alan helps Walden get ready for a date with Bridget (Judy Greer); Jake decides to drop out of school like Walden did.
  • Fri 1/27
  • 12:30PM-1:00PM
  • 40
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  • 767
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Nine Magic Fingers

S09, E04  (First Aired: Oct. 10, 2011)
Walden searches for love; Alan encounters a chance to reconcile with Lyndsey.
  • Fri 1/27
  • 4:00PM-4:30PM
  • 40
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A Giant Cat Holding a Churro

S09, E05  (First Aired: Oct. 17, 2011)
Alan tries to come to terms with Lyndsey's past; Walden throws a party at the house.
  • Fri 1/27
  • 4:30PM-5:00PM
  • 40
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Twenty-Five Little Pre-Pubers Without a Snoot-Ful

S01, E08  (First Aired: Nov. 10, 2003)
Charlie realizes Jake's classmates know the words to all of his jingles, and he is inspired to craft the fourth-grade musical with unusual results.
  • Fri 1/27
  • 7:00PM-7:30PM
  • 11
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My Bodacious Vidalia

S10, E22  (First Aired: May. 2, 2013)
With encouragement from Walden, Alan decides to update his look; Alan is faced with a moral dilemma when he attracts a married woman.
  • Fri 1/27
  • 7:30PM-8:00PM
  • 11
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The Squat and the Hover

S09, E06  (First Aired: Oct. 24, 2011)
Depressed after receiving divorce papers, Walden cheers up when he meets a woman who looks very similar to his ex, Bridget (Judy Greer).
  • Sat 1/28
  • 10:00AM-10:30AM
  • 40
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  • 767
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Those Fancy Japanese Toilets

S09, E07  (First Aired: Oct. 31, 2011)
Jake has feelings for his chemistry tutor, but she has a crush on Walden; Alan becomes obsessed with the journal his brother left him in his will.
  • Sat 1/28
  • 10:30AM-11:00AM
  • 40
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Thank You for the Intercourse

S09, E08  (First Aired: Nov. 7, 2011)
Alan becomes extremely emotional when Walden redecorates the beach house.
  • Sat 1/28
  • 11:00AM-11:30AM
  • 40
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Frodo's Headshots

S09, E09  (First Aired: Nov. 14, 2011)
After being released from the hospital, Alan is confronted with challenges that test his mental stability.
  • Sat 1/28
  • 11:30AM-12:00PM
  • 40
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Who's Vod Kanockers?

S04, E02  (First Aired: Sep. 25, 2006)
Charlie tells Alan the truth about his breakup with Mia; a famous neighbor (Steven Tyler) causes trouble.
  • Sat 1/28
  • 7:00PM-7:30PM
  • 11
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The Sea Is a Harsh Mistress

S04, E03  (First Aired: Oct. 2, 2006)
Charlie is convinced he saw his late father while having a near-death experience.
  • Sat 1/28
  • 7:30PM-8:00PM
  • 11
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A Pot-Smoking Monkey

S04, E04  (First Aired: Oct. 9, 2006)
After their split, Alan wants to gain custody of his and Kandi's dog.
  • Sun 1/29
  • 7:00PM-7:30PM
  • 11
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A Live Woman of Proven Fertility

S04, E05  (First Aired: Oct. 16, 2006)
Herb (Ryan Stiles) and Jake's relationship threatens wedding plans with Judith, so Alan and Charlie take action.
  • Sun 1/29
  • 7:30PM-8:00PM
  • 11
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A Fishbowl Full of Glass Eyes

S09, E10  (First Aired: Nov. 21, 2011)
Walden meets an attractive British woman but remains hesitant to start dating.
  • Mon 1/30
  • 3:00PM-3:30PM
  • 40
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What a Lovely Landing Strip

S09, E11  (First Aired: Dec. 5, 2011)
Bridget (Judy Greer) reappears in Walden's life as he is trying to impress a new love interest.
  • Mon 1/30
  • 3:30PM-4:00PM
  • 40
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  • 767
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Phase One, Complete

S01, E09  (First Aired: Nov. 17, 2003)
Jake and Evelyn befriend one of Charlie's one-night stands, causing her to stay longer than expected.
  • Mon 1/30
  • 7:00PM-7:30PM
  • 11
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  • 711
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Alan Harper, Frontier Chiropractor

S01, E11  (First Aired: Dec. 15, 2003)
Alan reluctantly agrees to a makeover after running into his ex-wife and her new beau; when the brothers go shopping, they clash over what to buy.
  • Mon 1/30
  • 7:30PM-8:00PM
  • 11
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A Fishbowl Full of Glass Eyes

S09, E10  (First Aired: Nov. 21, 2011)
Walden meets an attractive British woman but remains hesitant to start dating.
  • Tue 1/31
  • 12:30PM-1:00PM
  • 40
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  •  
  • 767
  • FX HD

What a Lovely Landing Strip

S09, E11  (First Aired: Dec. 5, 2011)
Bridget (Judy Greer) reappears in Walden's life as he is trying to impress a new love interest.
  • Tue 1/31
  • 1:00PM-1:30PM
  • 40
  • FX
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  •  
  • 767
  • FX HD

One False Move, Zimbabwe!

S09, E12  (First Aired: Dec. 12, 2011)
Alan develops a crush on Walden's visiting mother; a secret comes out about Walden's past.
  • Tue 1/31
  • 3:00PM-3:30PM
  • 40
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  • 767
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Slowly and in a Circular Fashion

S09, E13  (First Aired: Jan. 2, 2012)
When Walden's mother (Mimi Rogers) and ex-wife (Judy Greer) try to take over his company, he turns to Alan for help.
  • Tue 1/31
  • 3:30PM-4:00PM
  • 40
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  • 767
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Camel Filters and Pheremones

S01, E12  (First Aired: Jan. 5, 2004)
The housekeeper's beautiful granddaughter comes to work with her and attracts the attention of the men; Alan tries to convince Judith that Charlie's house is good for Jake.
  • Tue 1/31
  • 7:00PM-7:30PM
  • 11
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Sarah Like Puny Alan

S01, E13  (First Aired: Jan. 12, 2004)
Charlie sets his ailing brother up on a date, then drags him to a steam room to help him get rid of his flu symptoms.
  • Tue 1/31
  • 7:30PM-8:00PM
  • 11
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One False Move, Zimbabwe!

S09, E12  (First Aired: Dec. 12, 2011)
Alan develops a crush on Walden's visiting mother; a secret comes out about Walden's past.
  • Wed 2/1
  • 1:00PM-1:30PM
  • 40
  • FX
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  • 767
  • FX HD

Slowly and in a Circular Fashion

S09, E13  (First Aired: Jan. 2, 2012)
When Walden's mother (Mimi Rogers) and ex-wife (Judy Greer) try to take over his company, he turns to Alan for help.
  • Wed 2/1
  • 1:30PM-2:00PM
  • 40
  • FX
  •  
  •  
  • 767
  • FX HD

A Possum on Chemo

S09, E14  (First Aired: Jan. 16, 2012)
Zoey tries to convince Walden to cut his hair and shave; Alan and Lyndsey revive their relationship.
  • Wed 2/1
  • 3:00PM-3:30PM
  • 40
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  • 767
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The Duchess of Dull-in-Sack

S09, E15  (First Aired: Feb. 6, 2012)
Walden tries to loosen Zooey up by sharing some of Berta's special brownies.
  • Wed 2/1
  • 3:30PM-4:00PM
  • 40
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  • 767
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Round One to the Hot Crazy Chick

S01, E15  (First Aired: Feb. 9, 2004)
Against Alan's judgment, Charlie falls for a seemingly crazy woman named Frankie. Guest star: Jenna Elfman.
  • Wed 2/1
  • 7:00PM-7:30PM
  • 11
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That Was Saliva, Alan

S01, E16  (First Aired: Feb. 16, 2004)
Frankie tells Charlie and Alan why she and her daughter are on the run; Frankie's daughter has a crush on Jake.
  • Wed 2/1
  • 7:30PM-8:00PM
  • 11
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  • 711
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A Possum on Chemo

S09, E14  (First Aired: Jan. 16, 2012)
Zoey tries to convince Walden to cut his hair and shave; Alan and Lyndsey revive their relationship.
  • Thu 2/2
  • 11:00AM-11:30AM
  • 40
  • FX
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  •  
  • 767
  • FX HD

The Duchess of Dull-in-Sack

S09, E15  (First Aired: Feb. 6, 2012)
Walden tries to loosen Zooey up by sharing some of Berta's special brownies.
  • Thu 2/2
  • 11:30AM-12:00PM
  • 40
  • FX
  •  
  •  
  • 767
  • FX HD

Sips, Sonnets and Sodomy

S09, E16  (First Aired: Feb. 13, 2012)
When a huge storm keeps Walden, Alan, Zoey and Lindsay at home on Valentine's Day, conflict brews and relationships are strained.
  • Thu 2/2
  • 3:00PM-3:30PM
  • 40
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  • 767
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Not in My Mouth!

S09, E17  (First Aired: Feb. 20, 2012)
A near-death experience has an adverse effect on Zoey and Walden's relationship; Alan thinks Lyndsey may have a drinking problem.
  • Thu 2/2
  • 3:30PM-4:00PM
  • 40
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  • 767
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I Can't Afford Hyenas

S01, E14  (First Aired: Feb. 2, 2004)
Charlie realizes he's broke when his credit card is declined at the grocery store. Richard Lewis guest stars.
  • Thu 2/2
  • 7:00PM-7:30PM
  • 11
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Cows, Prepare to Be Tipped

S10, E23  (First Aired: May. 9, 2013)
Walden dates an attractive 22-year-old (Hilary Duff), but ends up being more interested in her grandmother (Marilu Henner); Jake and Alan go on a trip.
  • Thu 2/2
  • 7:30PM-8:00PM
  • 11
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  • 711
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Sips, Sonnets and Sodomy

S09, E16  (First Aired: Feb. 13, 2012)
When a huge storm keeps Walden, Alan, Zoey and Lindsay at home on Valentine's Day, conflict brews and relationships are strained.
  • Fri 2/3
  • 12:30PM-1:00PM
  • 40
  • FX
  •  
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  • 767
  • FX HD

Not in My Mouth!

S09, E17  (First Aired: Feb. 20, 2012)
A near-death experience has an adverse effect on Zoey and Walden's relationship; Alan thinks Lyndsey may have a drinking problem.
  • Fri 2/3
  • 1:00PM-1:30PM
  • 40
  • FX
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  • 767
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The War Against Gingivitis

S09, E18  (First Aired: Feb. 27, 2012)
Walden's ex-business partner shows up at the beach house looking to make peace.
  • Fri 2/3
  • 3:00PM-3:30PM
  • 40
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  • 767
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Palmdale, Ech

S09, E19  (First Aired: Mar. 19, 2012)
Alan and Lyndsey introduce their mothers; Jake and Eldridge get a ride from Walden to a party.
  • Fri 2/3
  • 3:30PM-4:00PM
  • 40
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Ate the Hamburgers, Wearing the Hats

S01, E17  (First Aired: Feb. 23, 2004)
Alan offends Charlie by choosing harebrained cousins as Jake's guardians in the event of his death.
  • Fri 2/3
  • 7:00PM-7:30PM
  • 11
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Nangnangnangnang

S11, E01  (First Aired: Sep. 26, 2013)
Charlie's 25-year-old daughter arrives at the beach house, hoping to get to know her family.
  • Fri 2/3
  • 7:30PM-8:00PM
  • 11
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Grandma's Pie

S09, E20  (First Aired: Apr. 9, 2012)
Walden tells Zoey that he will be going into business with his ex-wife (Judy Greer); Lyndsey and Alan grapple with their mothers' new relationship.
  • Sat 2/4
  • 9:00AM-9:30AM
  • 40
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  • 767
  • FX HD

Mr. Hose Says Yes

S09, E21  (First Aired: Apr. 16, 2012)
Zoey and her daughter move in with Walden; Alan gets more than he bargained for with Lyndsey.
  • Sat 2/4
  • 9:30AM-10:00AM
  • 40
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  • 767
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Why We Gave Up Women

S09, E22  (First Aired: Apr. 30, 2012)
When Alan has a heart attack, Charlie's ghost (Kathy Bates) visits him.
  • Sat 2/4
  • 10:00AM-10:30AM
  • 40
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  • 767
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The Straw in My Donut Hole

S09, E23  (First Aired: May. 7, 2012)
Zoey isn't convinced Alan deserves all the love and affection he receives upon his return from the hospital.
  • Sat 2/4
  • 10:30AM-11:00AM
  • 40
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Apologies for the Frivolity

S04, E06  (First Aired: Oct. 23, 2006)
Charlie does not realize that his latest girlfriend is a younger version of his mother.
  • Sat 2/4
  • 7:00PM-7:30PM
  • 11
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Repeated Blows to His Unformed Head

S04, E07  (First Aired: Nov. 6, 2006)
Charlie helps Berta confront the man who impregnated her daughter (Sara Rue); Alan satisfies a secret fetish.
  • Sat 2/4
  • 7:30PM-8:00PM
  • 11
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The Straw in My Donut Hole

S09, E23  (First Aired: May. 7, 2012)
Zoey isn't convinced Alan deserves all the love and affection he receives upon his return from the hospital.
  • Sun 2/5
  • 4:00AM-4:30AM
  • 40
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  • 767
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Release the Dogs

S04, E08  (First Aired: Nov. 13, 2006)
Alan takes Charlie's suggestion of a jog on the beach to cure his insomnia; Jake pleads with Charlie not to date the mother of a girl he likes.
  • Sun 2/5
  • 7:00PM-7:30PM
  • 11
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Corey's Been Dead for an Hour

S04, E09  (First Aired: Nov. 20, 2006)
Charlie and Alan go on a double date, leaving Jake home alone for the first time.
  • Sun 2/5
  • 7:30PM-8:00PM
  • 11
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Oh Look! Al-Qaeda!

S09, E24  (First Aired: May. 14, 2012)
Jake graduates and must decide what to do with his life.
  • Mon 2/6
  • 3:00PM-3:30PM
  • 40
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  • 767
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I Changed My Mind About the Milk

S10, E01  (First Aired: Sep. 27, 2012)
Walden plans a surprise for Zoey's birthday.
  • Mon 2/6
  • 3:30PM-4:00PM
  • 40
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  • 767
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No Episode Title

(First Aired: Sep. 22, 2003)
The social interactions of a group of misfits, including a divorcee and an Internet billionaire.
  • Mon 2/6
  • 7:00PM-7:30PM
  • 11
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  • 7:30PM-8:00PM
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Oh Look! Al-Qaeda!

S09, E24  (First Aired: May. 14, 2012)
Jake graduates and must decide what to do with his life.
  • Tue 2/7
  • 12:00PM-12:30PM
  • 40
  • FX
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  • 767
  • FX HD

I Changed My Mind About the Milk

S10, E01  (First Aired: Sep. 27, 2012)
Walden plans a surprise for Zoey's birthday.
  • Tue 2/7
  • 12:30PM-1:00PM
  • 40
  • FX
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  •  
  • 767
  • FX HD

A Big Bag of Dog

S10, E02  (First Aired: Oct. 4, 2012)
Walden has a breakdown after his relationship with Zoey ends.
  • Tue 2/7
  • 3:00PM-3:30PM
  • 40
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  • 767
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Four Balls, Two Bats and One Mitt

S10, E03  (First Aired: Oct. 11, 2012)
Lyndsey and Alan try to add a little excitement to their love life.
  • Tue 2/7
  • 3:30PM-4:00PM
  • 40
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  • 767
  • FX HD