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Two and a Half Men

Two and a Half Men

Genre: Sitcom

Chiropractor and single father Alan Harper lives in a beachfront house with divorced Internet billionaire Walden Schmidt, who bought the house following the untimely death of Alan's brother, Charlie. As they acclimate to their living arrangement, the tightly wound Alan finds himself taking on a mentor role with Walden, whose lifelong dependence on being taken care of has left him a bit naive. Despite his unsuccessful romantic history, Alan also tries to help Walden overcome his limited experiences with dating. Berta, a sharp-tongued, unapologetic housekeeper, is also featured in the series.
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    2.5 / 5.0
    Avg. 2.5 (12,263 ratings)
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All Upcoming Times for Two and a Half Men

Episode Air Date Channel

The Soil Is Moist

S05, E13  (First Aired: Mar. 31, 2008)
Alan's date, who happens to be a friend of his ex, reveals a secret about Judith's sex life.
  • Fri 10/19
  • 10:00PM-10:30PM
  • 34
  • TV Land HD

A Sympathetic Crotch to Cry On

S02, E21  (First Aired: May. 2, 2005)
When Evelyn reads in the obituaries that her second husband, Harry, has died, she attends the funeral with Alan, then is furious to learn that Alan had kept in touch with Harry after the divorce.
  • Fri 10/19
  • 10:00PM-10:30PM
  • 83
  • IFC HD
  •  
  •  
  • 818
  • IFC HD

Winky-Dink Time

S05, E14  (First Aired: Apr. 14, 2008)
Charlie goes with Jake on a double date and sets up Alan with a prostitute.
  • Fri 10/19
  • 10:30PM-11:00PM
  • 34
  • TV Land HD

That Old Hose Bag Is My Mother

S02, E22  (First Aired: May. 9, 2005)
After taking a loan from Evelyn, Alan is guilted into double-dating with her, her new romantic interest and his daughter.
  • Fri 10/19
  • 10:30PM-11:00PM
  • 83
  • IFC HD
  •  
  •  
  • 818
  • IFC HD

Squab, Squab, Squab, Squab, Squab

S02, E23  (First Aired: May. 16, 2005)
Alan is reluctant to leave Jake with Evelyn for a sleepover visit until he finds himself partying with Charlie and a busload of beautiful female volleyball players.
  • Fri 10/19
  • 11:00PM-11:30PM
  • 83
  • IFC HD
  •  
  •  
  • 818
  • IFC HD

Does This Smell Funny to You?

S02, E24  (First Aired: May. 23, 2005)
Charlie unknowingly sleeps with an elderly man's (Orson Bean) hot trophy wife.
  • Fri 10/19
  • 11:30PM-12:00AM
  • 83
  • IFC HD
  •  
  •  
  • 818
  • IFC HD

Weekend in Bangkok With Two Olympic Gymnasts

S03, E01  (First Aired: Sep. 19, 2005)
After Alan falls off the roof, Charlie volunteers to watch Jake for the weekend.
  • Sat 10/20
  • 12:00AM-12:30AM
  • 83
  • IFC HD
  •  
  •  
  • 818
  • IFC HD

The Last Thing You Want Is to Wind Up With a Hump

S01, E05  (First Aired: Oct. 20, 2003)
Charlie and Alan meet several women while attending one of Jake's soccer games.
  • Sat 10/20
  • 12:30AM-1:00AM
  • 11
  • WPIXDT

Principal Gallagher's Lesbian Lover

S03, E02  (First Aired: Sep. 26, 2005)
Alan must see the school principal over a picture Jake drew of a schoolmate and calls Charlie to watch over the boy.
  • Sat 10/20
  • 12:30AM-1:00AM
  • 83
  • IFC HD
  •  
  •  
  • 818
  • IFC HD

This Unblessed Biscuit

S11, E03  (First Aired: Oct. 10, 2013)
When Berta hurts her back at work, Alan and Walden think she should retire.
  • Sat 10/20
  • 1:00AM-1:30AM
  • 11
  • WPIXDT

Look at Me, Mommy, I'm Pretty

S05, E16  (First Aired: Apr. 28, 2008)
Alan plans Evelyn's wedding; Charlie pursues his future stepsister.
  • Sat 10/20
  • 1:00AM-1:30AM
  • 34
  • TV Land HD

Fish in a Drawer

S05, E17  (First Aired: May. 5, 2008)
A CSI team investigates a mysterious death at Charlie's house.
  • Sat 10/20
  • 1:30AM-2:00AM
  • 34
  • TV Land HD

If My Hole Could Talk

S05, E18  (First Aired: May. 12, 2008)
Charlie discovers he is attracted to an older woman who writes self-help books; Jake and Alan fight over a school assignment.
  • Sat 10/20
  • 2:00PM-2:30PM
  • 34
  • TV Land HD

Waiting for the Right Snapper

S05, E19  (First Aired: May. 19, 2008)
Charlie tries to resist temptation when he meets the daughter of the woman he's dating and realizes they've met before.
  • Sat 10/20
  • 2:30PM-3:00PM
  • 34
  • TV Land HD

Taterhead Is Our Love Child

S06, E01  (First Aired: Sep. 22, 2008)
Charlie finds that one of his former girlfriends has a son who looks a lot like him.
  • Sat 10/20
  • 3:00PM-3:30PM
  • 34
  • TV Land HD

Pie Hole, Herb

S06, E02  (First Aired: Sep. 29, 2008)
Alan crosses a line when he tries to get back money that he lent Charlie.
  • Sat 10/20
  • 3:30PM-4:00PM
  • 34
  • TV Land HD

Damn You, Eggs Benedict

S06, E03  (First Aired: Oct. 6, 2008)
Charlie attempts to cook, Alan tries to date two women at the same time, and Jake samples beer.
  • Sat 10/20
  • 4:00PM-4:30PM
  • 34
  • TV Land HD

The Flavin' and the Mavin

S06, E04  (First Aired: Oct. 13, 2008)
Alan awaits disaster as Charlie romances Alan's sweet receptionist.
  • Sat 10/20
  • 4:30PM-5:00PM
  • 34
  • TV Land HD

A Jock Strap in Hell

S06, E05  (First Aired: Oct. 20, 2008)
The guys run into Jake's former teacher (Alicia Witt) who became a stripper after a fling with Charlie; Charlie gives her a room and a job to try and help her out, but things get out of control.
  • Sat 10/20
  • 5:00PM-5:30PM
  • 34
  • TV Land HD

It's Always Nazi Week

S06, E06  (First Aired: Nov. 3, 2008)
When Judith kicks Herb to the curb, Alan comes knocking.
  • Sat 10/20
  • 5:30PM-6:00PM
  • 34
  • TV Land HD

Best H.O. Money Can Buy

S06, E07  (First Aired: Nov. 10, 2008)
Alan tries to escape Judith's clutches as Charlie and Herb go on the prowl.
  • Sat 10/20
  • 6:00PM-6:30PM
  • 34
  • TV Land HD

Pinocchio's Mouth

S06, E08  (First Aired: Nov. 17, 2008)
Charlie has trouble adjusting when his new girlfriend asks him to spend the night at her place.
  • Sat 10/20
  • 6:30PM-7:00PM
  • 34
  • TV Land HD

The Mooch at the Boo

S06, E09  (First Aired: Nov. 24, 2008)
Charlie is left to cover when Jake disappears with the neighbor's daughter; Alan scores a hot date, thanks in part to Charlie's car.
  • Sat 10/20
  • 7:00PM-7:30PM
  • 34
  • TV Land HD

He Smelled the Ham, He Got Excited

S06, E10  (First Aired: Dec. 8, 2008)
When Evelyn offers to pay for Jake's college education, Alan wonders if he ever needs to work again.
  • Sat 10/20
  • 7:30PM-8:00PM
  • 34
  • TV Land HD

The Devil's Lube

S06, E11  (First Aired: Dec. 15, 2008)
When one of Charlie's old partners in crime dies, Charlie re-evaluates his own reckless lifestyle.
  • Sat 10/20
  • 8:00PM-8:30PM
  • 34
  • TV Land HD

Thank God for Scoliosis

S06, E12  (First Aired: Jan. 12, 2009)
Charlie and Jake fight for the affections of a waitress, while Alan fights sexual tension with his receptionist.
  • Sat 10/20
  • 8:30PM-9:00PM
  • 34
  • TV Land HD

I Think You Offended Don

S06, E13  (First Aired: Jan. 19, 2009)
Judith is pregnant with a baby girl, and Alan is convinced he is the father; Jake is in a contentious mood, and Charlie thinks he knows why.
  • Sat 10/20
  • 9:00PM-9:30PM
  • 34
  • TV Land HD

David Copperfield Slipped Me a Roofie

S06, E14  (First Aired: Feb. 2, 2009)
Convinced that Alan is not appreciated by his family, Melissa asks him to live with her and her mother.
  • Sat 10/20
  • 9:30PM-10:00PM
  • 34
  • TV Land HD

I'd Like to Start With the Cat

S06, E15  (First Aired: Feb. 9, 2009)
In an attempt to prove he has changed from his old self, Charlie agrees to go with Chelsea to couples counseling.
  • Sat 10/20
  • 10:00PM-10:30PM
  • 34
  • TV Land HD

She'll Still Be Dead at Halftime

S06, E16  (First Aired: Mar. 2, 2009)
Charlie rushes to get a half-naked woman out of his bedroom before Chelsea (Jennifer Taylor) arrives.
  • Sat 10/20
  • 10:30PM-11:00PM
  • 34
  • TV Land HD

The Ocu or the Pado?

S06, E17  (First Aired: Mar. 9, 2009)
When Charlie swears his love to Chelsea (Jennifer Taylor), her response is nothing like what he'd expected.
  • Sun 10/21
  • 1:00AM-1:30AM
  • 34
  • TV Land HD

My Son's Enormous Head

S06, E18  (First Aired: Mar. 16, 2009)
Charlie fights the overwhelming urge to flee when Chelsea gets sick and he is forced to take care of her.
  • Sun 10/21
  • 1:30AM-2:00AM
  • 34
  • TV Land HD

The Two Finger Rule

S06, E19  (First Aired: Mar. 30, 2009)
Chelsea finds pictures of a naked woman on Charlie's phone.
  • Sun 10/21
  • 10:00PM-10:30PM
  • 34
  • TV Land HD

Hello, I Am Alan Cousteau

S06, E20  (First Aired: Apr. 13, 2009)
Evelyn finally meets Charlie and Chelsea.
  • Sun 10/21
  • 10:30PM-11:00PM
  • 34
  • TV Land HD

The Soil Is Moist

S05, E13  (First Aired: Mar. 31, 2008)
Alan's date, who happens to be a friend of his ex, reveals a secret about Judith's sex life.
  • Mon 10/22
  • 12:00AM-12:30AM
  • 11
  • WPIXDT

Winky-Dink Time

S05, E14  (First Aired: Apr. 14, 2008)
Charlie goes with Jake on a double date and sets up Alan with a prostitute.
  • Mon 10/22
  • 12:30AM-1:00AM
  • 11
  • WPIXDT

Above Exalted Cyclops

S06, E21  (First Aired: Apr. 27, 2009)
Chelsea sets Alan up on a blind date with Rose.
  • Mon 10/22
  • 1:00AM-1:30AM
  • 34
  • TV Land HD

Sir Lancelot's Litter Box

S06, E22  (First Aired: May. 4, 2009)
Alan finds there is not much room for him left in the house when Charlie reluctantly lets Chelsea move in.
  • Mon 10/22
  • 1:30AM-2:00AM
  • 34
  • TV Land HD

Putting Swim Fins on a Cat

S05, E05  (First Aired: Oct. 22, 2007)
Charlie has to entertain his girlfriend's 4-year-old son; Alan becomes a human guinea pig.
  • Mon 10/22
  • 1:00PM-1:30PM
  • 41
  • Paramt HD

Help Daddy Find His Toenail

S05, E06  (First Aired: Oct. 29, 2007)
Charlie's girlfriend is embarrassed to be seen with him; Jake sneaks out to go to a concert.
  • Mon 10/22
  • 1:30PM-2:00PM
  • 41
  • Paramt HD

Our Leather Gear Is in the Guest Room

S05, E07  (First Aired: Nov. 5, 2007)
Charlie and Alan butt heads over Alan's place in the house, prompting Alan and Jake to move in with Evelyn.
  • Mon 10/22
  • 2:00PM-2:30PM
  • 41
  • Paramt HD

Is There a Mrs. Waffles?

S05, E08  (First Aired: Nov. 12, 2007)
Charlie finds success as a children's singing star, which makes Alan miserable.
  • Mon 10/22
  • 2:30PM-3:00PM
  • 41
  • Paramt HD

Tight's Good

S05, E09  (First Aired: Nov. 19, 2007)
Charlie tries to resist an attraction to his soon-to-be stepsister (Jenny McCarthy).
  • Mon 10/22
  • 3:00PM-3:30PM
  • 41
  • Paramt HD

Kinda Like Necrophilia

S05, E10  (First Aired: Nov. 26, 2007)
Alan seeks revenge when he discovers that Charlie stole his high-school girlfriend.
  • Mon 10/22
  • 3:30PM-4:00PM
  • 41
  • Paramt HD

Frodo's Headshots

S09, E09  (First Aired: Nov. 14, 2011)
After being released from the hospital, Alan is confronted with challenges that test his mental stability.
  • Mon 10/22
  • 4:00PM-4:30PM
  • 83
  • IFC HD
  •  
  •  
  • 818
  • IFC HD

A Fishbowl Full of Glass Eyes

S09, E10  (First Aired: Nov. 21, 2011)
Walden meets an attractive British woman but remains hesitant to start dating.
  • Mon 10/22
  • 4:30PM-5:00PM
  • 83
  • IFC HD
  •  
  •  
  • 818
  • IFC HD

What a Lovely Landing Strip

S09, E11  (First Aired: Dec. 5, 2011)
Bridget (Judy Greer) reappears in Walden's life as he is trying to impress a new love interest.
  • Mon 10/22
  • 5:00PM-5:30PM
  • 83
  • IFC HD
  •  
  •  
  • 818
  • IFC HD

One False Move, Zimbabwe!

S09, E12  (First Aired: Dec. 12, 2011)
Alan develops a crush on Walden's visiting mother; a secret comes out about Walden's past.
  • Mon 10/22
  • 5:30PM-6:00PM
  • 83
  • IFC HD
  •  
  •  
  • 818
  • IFC HD

Carpet Burns and a Bite Mark

S03, E03  (First Aired: Oct. 3, 2005)
Charlie organizes an intervention to keep Alan from reuniting with Judith.
  • Mon 10/22
  • 6:00PM-6:30PM
  • 83
  • IFC HD
  •  
  •  
  • 818
  • IFC HD

Your Dismissive Attitude Toward Boobs

S03, E04  (First Aired: Oct. 10, 2005)
Berta moves into Charlie's house for a few days and plays one brother against the other.
  • Mon 10/22
  • 6:30PM-7:00PM
  • 83
  • IFC HD
  •  
  •  
  • 818
  • IFC HD

We Called It Mr. Pinky

S03, E05  (First Aired: Oct. 17, 2005)
Charlie responds inappropriately to a woman's declaration of love, and Rose says his inability to have a long-lasting relationship is due to unresolved issues with his mother.
  • Mon 10/22
  • 7:00PM-7:30PM
  • 83
  • IFC HD
  •  
  •  
  • 818
  • IFC HD

Hi, Mr. Horned One

S03, E06  (First Aired: Oct. 24, 2005)
Charlie likes dating Isabella (Jodi Lyn O'Keefe), a wild, sexually uninhibited woman, until she threatens to put a curse on his manhood.
  • Mon 10/22
  • 7:30PM-8:00PM
  • 83
  • IFC HD
  •  
  •  
  • 818
  • IFC HD

Sleep Tight, Puddin' Pop

S03, E07  (First Aired: Nov. 7, 2005)
Rose's father (Martin Sheen) confronts Charlie about his intentions toward Rose.
  • Mon 10/22
  • 8:00PM-8:30PM
  • 83
  • IFC HD
  •  
  •  
  • 818
  • IFC HD

That Voodoo That I Do Do

S03, E08  (First Aired: Nov. 14, 2005)
Charlie cons Jake into taking ballet lessons in order to get close to the teacher.
  • Mon 10/22
  • 8:30PM-9:00PM
  • 83
  • IFC HD
  •  
  •  
  • 818
  • IFC HD

Madame and Her Special Friend

S03, E09  (First Aired: Nov. 21, 2005)
A wealthy, elderly woman (Cloris Leachman) sets her sights on Alan.
  • Mon 10/22
  • 9:00PM-9:30PM
  • 83
  • IFC HD
  •  
  •  
  • 818
  • IFC HD

Something Salted and Twisted

S03, E10  (First Aired: Nov. 28, 2005)
Alan organizes a family dinner to celebrate a newspaper article that calls him a ``good doctor, good neighbor and a good guy,'' but it does not impress his mother.
  • Mon 10/22
  • 9:30PM-10:00PM
  • 83
  • IFC HD
  •  
  •  
  • 818
  • IFC HD

Good Morning Mrs. Butterworth

S06, E23  (First Aired: May. 11, 2009)
When Chelsea and Alan become best friends, Charlie tries to take advantage of the situation.
  • Mon 10/22
  • 10:00PM-10:30PM
  • 34
  • TV Land HD

Santa's Village of the Damned

S03, E11  (First Aired: Dec. 19, 2005)
Alan dates a controlling woman who takes over the house during the Christmas holidays.
  • Mon 10/22
  • 10:00PM-10:30PM
  • 83
  • IFC HD
  •  
  •  
  • 818
  • IFC HD

Baseball Was Better With Steroids

S06, E24  (First Aired: May. 18, 2009)
When Charlie finds out that Mia is back in town, he begins to question his relationship with Chelsea; Judith is rushed to the hospital.
  • Mon 10/22
  • 10:30PM-11:00PM
  • 34
  • TV Land HD

That Special Tug

S03, E12  (First Aired: Jan. 9, 2006)
Alan's emotional breakdown after dropping Jake off for a weekend away sends Charlie to a therapist.
  • Mon 10/22
  • 10:30PM-11:00PM
  • 83
  • IFC HD
  •  
  •  
  • 818
  • IFC HD

Did You Check With the Captain of the Flying Monkeys?

S01, E06  (First Aired: Oct. 27, 2003)
After Evelyn's new beau dumps her, Charlie and Alan enlist Jake to cheer her up; Charlie teaches Jake a lesson about screening telephone calls from women.
  • Tue 10/23
  • 12:30AM-1:00AM
  • 11
  • WPIXDT

If They Do Go Either Way, They're Usually Fake

S01, E07  (First Aired: Nov. 3, 2003)
For a school assignment, Jake draws the tattooed buttocks of Charlie's female friend.
  • Tue 10/23
  • 1:00AM-1:30AM
  • 11
  • WPIXDT

818-jklpuzo

S07, E01  (First Aired: Sep. 21, 2009)
Charlie must decide between his fiancee, Chelsea, and his former girlfriend, Mia.
  • Tue 10/23
  • 1:00AM-1:30AM
  • 34
  • TV Land HD

Whipped Unto the Third Generation

S07, E02  (First Aired: Sep. 28, 2009)
Charlie's house is taken over by women when Chelsea convinces him to let Alan's girlfriend move in.
  • Tue 10/23
  • 1:30AM-2:00AM
  • 34
  • TV Land HD

Meander to Your Dander

S05, E11  (First Aired: Mar. 17, 2008)
Charlie offers Alan pointers on how to break up with a woman.
  • Tue 10/23
  • 1:00PM-1:30PM
  • 41
  • Paramt HD

A Little Clammy and None Too Fresh

S05, E12  (First Aired: Mar. 24, 2008)
Rose comes back from England and takes care of sick Charlie in a very strange way.
  • Tue 10/23
  • 1:30PM-2:00PM
  • 41
  • Paramt HD

The Soil Is Moist

S05, E13  (First Aired: Mar. 31, 2008)
Alan's date, who happens to be a friend of his ex, reveals a secret about Judith's sex life.
  • Tue 10/23
  • 2:00PM-2:30PM
  • 41
  • Paramt HD

Winky-Dink Time

S05, E14  (First Aired: Apr. 14, 2008)
Charlie goes with Jake on a double date and sets up Alan with a prostitute.
  • Tue 10/23
  • 2:30PM-3:00PM
  • 41
  • Paramt HD

Rough Night in Hump Junction

S05, E15  (First Aired: Apr. 21, 2008)
Alan fears that Charlie's womanizing is getting out of control.
  • Tue 10/23
  • 3:00PM-3:30PM
  • 41
  • Paramt HD

Look at Me, Mommy, I'm Pretty

S05, E16  (First Aired: Apr. 28, 2008)
Alan plans Evelyn's wedding; Charlie pursues his future stepsister.
  • Tue 10/23
  • 3:30PM-4:00PM
  • 41
  • Paramt HD

Mmm, Fish. Yum

S07, E03  (First Aired: Oct. 5, 2009)
Alan cares for Judith's baby and her tipsy mother; Jake uses an incriminating picture to blackmail Charlie.
  • Tue 10/23
  • 10:00PM-10:30PM
  • 34
  • TV Land HD

Laxative Tester, Horse Inseminator

S07, E04  (First Aired: Oct. 12, 2009)
Alan takes a job working for Evelyn; Charlie must mend Chelsea and Jake's rocky relationship.
  • Tue 10/23
  • 10:30PM-11:00PM
  • 34
  • TV Land HD

Twenty-Five Little Pre-Pubers Without a Snoot-Ful

S01, E08  (First Aired: Nov. 10, 2003)
Charlie realizes Jake's classmates know the words to all of his jingles, and he is inspired to craft the fourth-grade musical with unusual results.
  • Wed 10/24
  • 12:30AM-1:00AM
  • 11
  • WPIXDT

Phase One, Complete

S01, E09  (First Aired: Nov. 17, 2003)
Jake and Evelyn befriend one of Charlie's one-night stands, causing her to stay longer than expected.
  • Wed 10/24
  • 1:00AM-1:30AM
  • 11
  • WPIXDT

For the Sake of the Child

S07, E05  (First Aired: Oct. 19, 2009)
After they embarrass him in public, Jake refuses to stay with Charlie and Alan.
  • Wed 10/24
  • 1:00AM-1:30AM
  • 34
  • TV Land HD

Give Me Your Thumb

S07, E06  (First Aired: Nov. 2, 2009)
Alan suggests that Chelsea get breast-reduction surgery, and Charlie kicks him out.
  • Wed 10/24
  • 1:30AM-2:00AM
  • 34
  • TV Land HD

Fish in a Drawer

S05, E17  (First Aired: May. 5, 2008)
A CSI team investigates a mysterious death at Charlie's house.
  • Wed 10/24
  • 1:00PM-1:30PM
  • 41
  • Paramt HD

If My Hole Could Talk

S05, E18  (First Aired: May. 12, 2008)
Charlie discovers he is attracted to an older woman who writes self-help books; Jake and Alan fight over a school assignment.
  • Wed 10/24
  • 1:30PM-2:00PM
  • 41
  • Paramt HD

Waiting for the Right Snapper

S05, E19  (First Aired: May. 19, 2008)
Charlie tries to resist temptation when he meets the daughter of the woman he's dating and realizes they've met before.
  • Wed 10/24
  • 2:00PM-2:30PM
  • 41
  • Paramt HD

Taterhead Is Our Love Child

S06, E01  (First Aired: Sep. 22, 2008)
Charlie finds that one of his former girlfriends has a son who looks a lot like him.
  • Wed 10/24
  • 2:30PM-3:00PM
  • 41
  • Paramt HD

Pie Hole, Herb

S06, E02  (First Aired: Sep. 29, 2008)
Alan crosses a line when he tries to get back money that he lent Charlie.
  • Wed 10/24
  • 3:00PM-3:30PM
  • 41
  • Paramt HD

Damn You, Eggs Benedict

S06, E03  (First Aired: Oct. 6, 2008)
Charlie attempts to cook, Alan tries to date two women at the same time, and Jake samples beer.
  • Wed 10/24
  • 3:30PM-4:00PM
  • 41
  • Paramt HD

Untainted by Filth

S07, E07  (First Aired: Nov. 9, 2009)
Charlie and Alan wake up together in bed with a strange woman.
  • Wed 10/24
  • 10:00PM-10:30PM
  • 34
  • TV Land HD

Gorp. Fnark. Schmegle.

S07, E08  (First Aired: Nov. 16, 2009)
Chelsea tries to help her beautiful college roommate get over a bad breakup.
  • Wed 10/24
  • 10:30PM-11:00PM
  • 34
  • TV Land HD

Alan Harper, Frontier Chiropractor

S01, E11  (First Aired: Dec. 15, 2003)
Alan reluctantly agrees to a makeover after running into his ex-wife and her new beau; when the brothers go shopping, they clash over what to buy.
  • Thu 10/25
  • 12:30AM-1:00AM
  • 11
  • WPIXDT

Camel Filters and Pheremones

S01, E12  (First Aired: Jan. 5, 2004)
The housekeeper's beautiful granddaughter comes to work with her and attracts the attention of the men; Alan tries to convince Judith that Charlie's house is good for Jake.
  • Thu 10/25
  • 1:00AM-1:30AM
  • 11
  • WPIXDT

Captain Terry's Spray-On Hair

S07, E09  (First Aired: Nov. 23, 2009)
Charlie discovers he has not been satisfying Chelsea; Alan attempts to cure his thinning hair without spending much money.
  • Thu 10/25
  • 1:00AM-1:30AM
  • 34
  • TV Land HD

That's Why They Call It Ball Room

S07, E10  (First Aired: Dec. 7, 2009)
Charlie discovers that Chelsea has not been completely honest about her finances.
  • Thu 10/25
  • 1:30AM-2:00AM
  • 34
  • TV Land HD

The Flavin' and the Mavin

S06, E04  (First Aired: Oct. 13, 2008)
Alan awaits disaster as Charlie romances Alan's sweet receptionist.
  • Thu 10/25
  • 1:00PM-1:30PM
  • 41
  • Paramt HD

A Jock Strap in Hell

S06, E05  (First Aired: Oct. 20, 2008)
The guys run into Jake's former teacher (Alicia Witt) who became a stripper after a fling with Charlie; Charlie gives her a room and a job to try and help her out, but things get out of control.
  • Thu 10/25
  • 1:30PM-2:00PM
  • 41
  • Paramt HD

It's Always Nazi Week

S06, E06  (First Aired: Nov. 3, 2008)
When Judith kicks Herb to the curb, Alan comes knocking.
  • Thu 10/25
  • 2:00PM-2:30PM
  • 41
  • Paramt HD

Best H.O. Money Can Buy

S06, E07  (First Aired: Nov. 10, 2008)
Alan tries to escape Judith's clutches as Charlie and Herb go on the prowl.
  • Thu 10/25
  • 2:30PM-3:00PM
  • 41
  • Paramt HD

Pinocchio's Mouth

S06, E08  (First Aired: Nov. 17, 2008)
Charlie has trouble adjusting when his new girlfriend asks him to spend the night at her place.
  • Thu 10/25
  • 3:00PM-3:30PM
  • 41
  • Paramt HD

The Mooch at the Boo

S06, E09  (First Aired: Nov. 24, 2008)
Charlie is left to cover when Jake disappears with the neighbor's daughter; Alan scores a hot date, thanks in part to Charlie's car.
  • Thu 10/25
  • 3:30PM-4:00PM
  • 41
  • Paramt HD

Fart Jokes, Pie and Celeste

S07, E12  (First Aired: Jan. 11, 2010)
Jake writes love songs to woo his ex-girlfriend; Herb and Alan hide their secret friendship from Judith.
  • Thu 10/25
  • 10:00PM-10:30PM
  • 34
  • TV Land HD

Yay, No Polyps!

S07, E13  (First Aired: Jan. 18, 2010)
Charlie undergoes a colonoscopy to avoid a trip to see Chelsea's bigoted parents, but he finds them in his living room when he returns home.
  • Thu 10/25
  • 10:30PM-11:00PM
  • 34
  • TV Land HD

Sarah Like Puny Alan

S01, E13  (First Aired: Jan. 12, 2004)
Charlie sets his ailing brother up on a date, then drags him to a steam room to help him get rid of his flu symptoms.
  • Fri 10/26
  • 12:30AM-1:00AM
  • 11
  • WPIXDT

Clank, Clank, Drunken Skank

S11, E04  (First Aired: Oct. 17, 2013)
Walden parties with Jenny and her attractive friends; Alan's illicit affair with Lyndsey is jeopardized.
  • Fri 10/26
  • 1:00AM-1:30AM
  • 11
  • WPIXDT

Crude and Uncalled For

S07, E14  (First Aired: Feb. 1, 2010)
A bar fight lands Alan in jail; Charlie worries that Chelsea is interested in the lawyer who takes Alan's case.
  • Fri 10/26
  • 1:00AM-1:30AM
  • 34
  • TV Land HD

Aye, Aye, Captain

S07, E15  (First Aired: Feb. 8, 2010)
Charlie's relationship with Chelsea is threatened by his jealousy.
  • Fri 10/26
  • 1:30AM-2:00AM
  • 34
  • TV Land HD

He Smelled the Ham, He Got Excited

S06, E10  (First Aired: Dec. 8, 2008)
When Evelyn offers to pay for Jake's college education, Alan wonders if he ever needs to work again.
  • Fri 10/26
  • 1:00PM-1:30PM
  • 41
  • Paramt HD

The Devil's Lube

S06, E11  (First Aired: Dec. 15, 2008)
When one of Charlie's old partners in crime dies, Charlie re-evaluates his own reckless lifestyle.
  • Fri 10/26
  • 1:30PM-2:00PM
  • 41
  • Paramt HD

Thank God for Scoliosis

S06, E12  (First Aired: Jan. 12, 2009)
Charlie and Jake fight for the affections of a waitress, while Alan fights sexual tension with his receptionist.
  • Fri 10/26
  • 2:00PM-2:30PM
  • 41
  • Paramt HD

I Think You Offended Don

S06, E13  (First Aired: Jan. 19, 2009)
Judith is pregnant with a baby girl, and Alan is convinced he is the father; Jake is in a contentious mood, and Charlie thinks he knows why.
  • Fri 10/26
  • 2:30PM-3:00PM
  • 41
  • Paramt HD

David Copperfield Slipped Me a Roofie

S06, E14  (First Aired: Feb. 2, 2009)
Convinced that Alan is not appreciated by his family, Melissa asks him to live with her and her mother.
  • Fri 10/26
  • 3:00PM-3:30PM
  • 41
  • Paramt HD

I'd Like to Start With the Cat

S06, E15  (First Aired: Feb. 9, 2009)
In an attempt to prove he has changed from his old self, Charlie agrees to go with Chelsea to couples counseling.
  • Fri 10/26
  • 3:30PM-4:00PM
  • 41
  • Paramt HD

Humiliation Is a Visual Medium

S03, E13  (First Aired: Jan. 23, 2006)
Charlie must deal with the challenges of a committed relationship that is not based on sex.
  • Fri 10/26
  • 6:00PM-6:30PM
  • 83
  • IFC HD
  •  
  •  
  • 818
  • IFC HD

Love Isn't Blind, It's Retarded

S03, E14  (First Aired: Feb. 6, 2006)
Charlie plans a romantic date with Mia in hopes of consummating their relationship; Alan starts dating Charlie's most recent ex-girlfriend.
  • Fri 10/26
  • 6:30PM-7:00PM
  • 83
  • IFC HD
  •  
  •  
  • 818
  • IFC HD

My Tongue Is Meat

S03, E15  (First Aired: Feb. 27, 2006)
When Charlie finds he can no longer handle the healthy lifestyle that Mia has imposed on him, he sneaks cigars, beer and burgers into the garage.
  • Fri 10/26
  • 7:00PM-7:30PM
  • 83
  • IFC HD
  •  
  •  
  • 818
  • IFC HD

Ergo, the Booty Call

S03, E16  (First Aired: Mar. 6, 2006)
Alan tries to avoid bringing his sexy 22-year-old girlfriend to Jake's birthday party.
  • Fri 10/26
  • 7:30PM-8:00PM
  • 83
  • IFC HD
  •  
  •  
  • 818
  • IFC HD

The Unfortunate Little Schnauser

S03, E17  (First Aired: Mar. 13, 2006)
Charlie boycotts an advertising awards banquet, having lost several years in a row to his nemesis, Archie (Jon Lovitz).
  • Fri 10/26
  • 8:00PM-8:30PM
  • 83
  • IFC HD
  •  
  •  
  • 818
  • IFC HD

The Spit-Covered Cobbler

S03, E18  (First Aired: Mar. 20, 2006)
Paying his young girlfriend's bills financially straps Alan.
  • Fri 10/26
  • 8:30PM-9:00PM
  • 83
  • IFC HD
  •  
  •  
  • 818
  • IFC HD

Golly Moses, She's a Muffin

S03, E19  (First Aired: Apr. 10, 2006)
Kandi moves in with Alan, causing tension in the house, since Charlie is having a dry spell with women.
  • Fri 10/26
  • 9:00PM-9:30PM
  • 83
  • IFC HD
  •  
  •  
  • 818
  • IFC HD

Always a Bridesmaid, Never a Burro

S03, E20  (First Aired: Apr. 24, 2006)
Charlie sleeps with Kandi's mother, as Alan tries to win her daughter back; Kandi arranges a date between her father and Judith.
  • Fri 10/26
  • 9:30PM-10:00PM
  • 83
  • IFC HD
  •  
  •  
  • 818
  • IFC HD

Tinkle Like a Princess

S07, E16  (First Aired: Mar. 1, 2010)
After running off to Las Vegas, Charlie returns with a new wife.
  • Fri 10/26
  • 10:00PM-10:30PM
  • 34
  • TV Land HD

And the Plot Moistens

S03, E21  (First Aired: May. 1, 2006)
Alan finds that he has more in common with Jake's teacher than with Kandi; Charlie helps Jake prepare a song for his audition for the school musical.
  • Fri 10/26
  • 10:00PM-10:30PM
  • 83
  • IFC HD
  •  
  •  
  • 818
  • IFC HD

I Found Your Mustache

S07, E17  (First Aired: Mar. 8, 2010)
Charlie and Chelsea have a post-breakup one-night stand.
  • Fri 10/26
  • 10:30PM-11:00PM
  • 34
  • TV Land HD

Just Once With Aunt Sophie

S03, E22  (First Aired: May. 8, 2006)
Charlie and Alan help Jake prepare for his first boy-girl party.
  • Fri 10/26
  • 10:30PM-11:00PM
  • 83
  • IFC HD
  •  
  •  
  • 818
  • IFC HD

Arguments for the Quickie

S03, E23  (First Aired: May. 15, 2006)
Charlie's former girlfriend (Emmanuelle Vaugier) returns with an unexpected request.
  • Fri 10/26
  • 11:00PM-11:30PM
  • 83
  • IFC HD
  •  
  •  
  • 818
  • IFC HD

That Pistol-Packin' Hermaphrodite

S03, E24  (First Aired: May. 22, 2006)
Charlie and Mia plan their wedding despite complications on both sides of the family.
  • Fri 10/26
  • 11:30PM-12:00AM
  • 83
  • IFC HD
  •  
  •  
  • 818
  • IFC HD

Working for Caligula

S04, E01  (First Aired: Sep. 18, 2006)
Charlie returns to his bachelor lifestyle; Alan breaks down following his second divorce.
  • Sat 10/27
  • 12:00AM-12:30AM
  • 83
  • IFC HD
  •  
  •  
  • 818
  • IFC HD

An Old Flame With a New Wick

S01, E18  (First Aired: Mar. 1, 2004)
Charlie is stunned to learn his ex-girlfriend is now a man (Chris O'Donnell).
  • Sat 10/27
  • 12:30AM-1:00AM
  • 11
  • WPIXDT

Who's Vod Kanockers?

S04, E02  (First Aired: Sep. 25, 2006)
Charlie tells Alan the truth about his breakup with Mia; a famous neighbor (Steven Tyler) causes trouble.
  • Sat 10/27
  • 12:30AM-1:00AM
  • 83
  • IFC HD
  •  
  •  
  • 818
  • IFC HD

Alan Harper, Pleasing Women Since 2003

S11, E05  (First Aired: Oct. 24, 2013)
Alan tries to find out what Lyndsey's boyfriend has over him; Walden helps Jenny pursue her acting career.
  • Sat 10/27
  • 1:00AM-1:30AM
  • 11
  • WPIXDT

Ixnay on the Oggie Day

S07, E18  (First Aired: Mar. 22, 2010)
Charlie has a return engagement with Gail (Tricia Helfer), Chelsea's best friend; Alan has a surprising effect on a female patient.
  • Sat 10/27
  • 1:00AM-1:30AM
  • 34
  • TV Land HD

Keith Moon Is Vomiting in His Grave

S07, E19  (First Aired: Apr. 12, 2010)
Jake's new friend, Eldridge, is a bad influence; Alan likes Eldrigdge's attractive mother (Courtney Thorne-Smith).
  • Sat 10/27
  • 1:30AM-2:00AM
  • 34
  • TV Land HD

I Called Him Magoo

S07, E20  (First Aired: May. 10, 2010)
Alan tries for an intimate night at a hotel with his new girlfriend; Charlie tries his own approach to get the ``girlfriend experience.''
  • Sat 10/27
  • 2:00PM-2:30PM
  • 34
  • TV Land HD

Gumby With a Pokey

S07, E21  (First Aired: May. 17, 2010)
While Alan and Jake are away on a road trip, Charlie is visited by the ghosts of his ex-girlfriends.
  • Sat 10/27
  • 2:30PM-3:00PM
  • 34
  • TV Land HD

This Is Not Gonna End Well

S07, E22  (First Aired: May. 24, 2010)
After Charlie's license is suspended, Jake becomes his driver; Alan plans to go to Chelsea's birthday party.
  • Sat 10/27
  • 3:00PM-3:30PM
  • 34
  • TV Land HD

Three Girls and a Guy Named Bud

S08, E01  (First Aired: Sep. 20, 2010)
Jake goes to live with Judith and Herb after learning that Alan has been dating Eldridge's mom; Charlie decides to cut back on his drinking.
  • Sat 10/27
  • 3:30PM-4:00PM
  • 34
  • TV Land HD

A Bottle of Wine and a Jackhammer

S08, E02  (First Aired: Sep. 27, 2010)
When Lindsey asks Alan to move in with her, Charlie will do anything to get him to agree to it.
  • Sat 10/27
  • 4:00PM-4:30PM
  • 34
  • TV Land HD

A Pudding-Filled Cactus

S08, E03  (First Aired: Oct. 4, 2010)
After moving in with Lyndsey, Alan continues to have a rendezvous with Melissa at Charlie's house.
  • Sat 10/27
  • 4:30PM-5:00PM
  • 34
  • TV Land HD

Hookers, Hookers, Hookers

S08, E04  (First Aired: Oct. 11, 2010)
Lyndsey and Eldridge move into Charlie's house after their home burns down.
  • Sat 10/27
  • 5:00PM-5:30PM
  • 34
  • TV Land HD

The Immortal Mr. Billy Joel

S08, E05  (First Aired: Oct. 18, 2010)
Alan pretends to be Charlie when he goes out on the town; Charlie sneaks off for cosmetic surgery.
  • Sat 10/27
  • 5:30PM-6:00PM
  • 34
  • TV Land HD

Twanging Your Magic Clanger

S08, E06  (First Aired: Oct. 25, 2010)
Charlie has difficulty dealing with dating a slightly older woman.
  • Sat 10/27
  • 6:00PM-6:30PM
  • 34
  • TV Land HD

The Crazy Bitch Gazette

S08, E07  (First Aired: Nov. 1, 2010)
Charlie's girlfriend gets fed up with his stalker, Rose.
  • Sat 10/27
  • 6:30PM-7:00PM
  • 34
  • TV Land HD

Springtime on a Stick

S08, E08  (First Aired: Nov. 8, 2010)
Charlie and Alan try to set Evelyn up with the pharmacist, Russell.
  • Sat 10/27
  • 7:00PM-7:30PM
  • 34
  • TV Land HD

A Good Time in Central Africa

S08, E09  (First Aired: Nov. 15, 2010)
Charlie falls for the woman who replaces Berta on her days off; Alan thinks Lyndsey's ex-husband is stalking him.
  • Sat 10/27
  • 7:30PM-8:00PM
  • 34
  • TV Land HD

Ow, Ow, Don't Stop

S08, E10  (First Aired: Nov. 22, 2010)
Charlie goes on a spending spree for old fling Courtney when she shows up after being in prison for three years.
  • Sat 10/27
  • 8:00PM-8:30PM
  • 34
  • TV Land HD

Dead From the Waist Down

S08, E11  (First Aired: Dec. 6, 2010)
Ashamed that he can't afford to buy a birthday present for Lyndsey, Alan gets creative.
  • Sat 10/27
  • 8:30PM-9:00PM
  • 34
  • TV Land HD

Chocolate Diddlers or My Puppy's Dead

S08, E12  (First Aired: Dec. 13, 2010)
Depressed after his breakup from Courtney (Jenny McCarthy), Charlie goes to see his psychiatrist (Jane Lynch).
  • Sat 10/27
  • 9:00PM-9:30PM
  • 34
  • TV Land HD

Skunk, Dog Crap and Ketchup

S08, E13  (First Aired: Jan. 3, 2011)
Alan feels paranoid when Lyndsey becomes friendly with Charlie.
  • Sat 10/27
  • 9:30PM-10:00PM
  • 34
  • TV Land HD

Looking' for Japanese Subs

S08, E14  (First Aired: Jan. 17, 2011)
Charlie begins stalking Rose (Melanie Lynskey); Alan becomes concerned when Eldridge and Jake begin videotaping dangerous stunts.
  • Sat 10/27
  • 10:00PM-10:30PM
  • 34
  • TV Land HD

Three Hookers and a Philly Cheesesteak

S08, E15  (First Aired: Feb. 7, 2011)
Charlie and Rose continue their affair; Alan's business becomes a Ponzi scheme.
  • Sat 10/27
  • 10:30PM-11:00PM
  • 34
  • TV Land HD

That Darn Priest

S08, E16  (First Aired: Feb. 14, 2011)
Rose discovers Alan's Ponzi scheme; Alan meets Rose's ``husband''; Charlie tries to get time alone with Rose.
  • Sun 10/28
  • 1:00AM-1:30AM
  • 34
  • TV Land HD

Pilot

S01, E01  (First Aired: Sep. 22, 2003)
Charlie's life turns upside down when his brother and nephew move in; at the supermarket, Charlie discovers he can use 10-year-old Jake to attract women.
  • Sun 10/28
  • 1:30AM-2:00AM
  • 34
  • TV Land HD

Big Flappy Bastards

S01, E02  (First Aired: Sep. 29, 2003)
Charlie doesn't know how to discipline Jake for luring a flock of sea gulls into his room; Judith surprises Alan when he goes home to fix her sprinklers.
  • Sun 10/28
  • 10:00PM-10:30PM
  • 34
  • TV Land HD

Go East on Sunset Until You Reach the Gates of Hell

S01, E03  (First Aired: Oct. 6, 2003)
One drink too many emboldens the brothers to stand up to their controlling mother.
  • Sun 10/28
  • 10:30PM-11:00PM
  • 34
  • TV Land HD

If My Hole Could Talk

S05, E18  (First Aired: May. 12, 2008)
Charlie discovers he is attracted to an older woman who writes self-help books; Jake and Alan fight over a school assignment.
  • Mon 10/29
  • 12:00AM-12:30AM
  • 11
  • WPIXDT

Waiting for the Right Snapper

S05, E19  (First Aired: May. 19, 2008)
Charlie tries to resist temptation when he meets the daughter of the woman he's dating and realizes they've met before.
  • Mon 10/29
  • 12:30AM-1:00AM
  • 11
  • WPIXDT

If I Can't Write My Chocolate Song, I'm Going to Take a Nap

S01, E04  (First Aired: Oct. 13, 2003)
Alan offers to help get Charlie's cleaning lady back if Charlie can get Jake ready to go out to dinner with his mother.
  • Mon 10/29
  • 1:00AM-1:30AM
  • 34
  • TV Land HD

The Last Thing You Want Is to Wind Up With a Hump

S01, E05  (First Aired: Oct. 20, 2003)
Charlie and Alan meet several women while attending one of Jake's soccer games.
  • Mon 10/29
  • 1:30AM-2:00AM
  • 34
  • TV Land HD

No Episode Title

(First Aired: Sep. 22, 2003)
Chiropractor and single father Alan Harper lives in a beachfront house with divorced internet billionaire Walden Schmidt, who bought the house following the untimely death of Alan's brother, Charlie.
  • Mon 10/29
  • 1:00PM-1:30PM
  • 41
  • Paramt HD
  •  
  • 1:30PM-2:00PM
  • 41
  • Paramt HD
  •  
  • 2:00PM-2:30PM
  • 41
  • Paramt HD
  •  
  • 2:30PM-3:00PM
  • 41
  • Paramt HD
  •  
  • 3:00PM-3:30PM
  • 41
  • Paramt HD
  •  
  • 3:30PM-4:00PM
  • 41
  • Paramt HD

Slowly and in a Circular Fashion

S09, E13  (First Aired: Jan. 2, 2012)
When Walden's mother (Mimi Rogers) and ex-wife (Judy Greer) try to take over his company, he turns to Alan for help.
  • Mon 10/29
  • 4:00PM-4:30PM
  • 83
  • IFC HD
  •  
  •  
  • 818
  • IFC HD

A Possum on Chemo

S09, E14  (First Aired: Jan. 16, 2012)
Zoey tries to convince Walden to cut his hair and shave; Alan and Lyndsey revive their relationship.
  • Mon 10/29
  • 4:30PM-5:00PM
  • 83
  • IFC HD
  •  
  •  
  • 818
  • IFC HD

The Duchess of Dull-in-Sack

S09, E15  (First Aired: Feb. 6, 2012)
Walden tries to loosen Zooey up by sharing some of Berta's special brownies.
  • Mon 10/29
  • 5:00PM-5:30PM
  • 83
  • IFC HD
  •  
  •  
  • 818
  • IFC HD

Sips, Sonnets and Sodomy

S09, E16  (First Aired: Feb. 13, 2012)
When a huge storm keeps Walden, Alan, Zoey and Lindsay at home on Valentine's Day, conflict brews and relationships are strained.
  • Mon 10/29
  • 5:30PM-6:00PM
  • 83
  • IFC HD
  •  
  •  
  • 818
  • IFC HD

Humiliation Is a Visual Medium

S03, E13  (First Aire