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Two and a Half Men

Genre: Sitcom

Chiropractor and single father Alan Harper lives in a beachfront house with divorced Internet billionaire Walden Schmidt, who bought the house following the untimely death of Alan's brother, Charlie. As they acclimate to their living arrangement, the tightly wound Alan finds himself taking on a mentor role with Walden, whose lifelong dependence on being taken care of has left him a bit naive. Despite his unsuccessful romantic history, Alan also tries to help Walden overcome his limited experiences with dating. Berta, a sharp-tongued, unapologetic housekeeper, is also featured in the series.
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    2.5 / 5.0
    Avg. 2.5 (12,263 ratings)
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All Upcoming Times for Two and a Half Men

Episode Air Date Channel

Mr. Hose Says Yes

S09, E21  (First Aired: Apr. 16, 2012)
Zoey and her daughter move in with Walden; Alan gets more than he bargained for with Lyndsey.
  • Sat 5/27
  • 10:30AM-11:00AM
  • 40
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  • 767
  • FX HD

Why We Gave Up Women

S09, E22  (First Aired: Apr. 30, 2012)
When Alan has a heart attack, Charlie's ghost (Kathy Bates) visits him.
  • Sat 5/27
  • 11:00AM-11:30AM
  • 40
  • FX
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  • 767
  • FX HD

The Straw in My Donut Hole

S09, E23  (First Aired: May. 7, 2012)
Zoey isn't convinced Alan deserves all the love and affection he receives upon his return from the hospital.
  • Sat 5/27
  • 11:30AM-12:00PM
  • 40
  • FX
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  • 767
  • FX HD

Oh Look! Al-Qaeda!

S09, E24  (First Aired: May. 14, 2012)
Jake graduates and must decide what to do with his life.
  • Sat 5/27
  • 12:00PM-12:30PM
  • 40
  • FX
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  • 767
  • FX HD

The Mooch at the Boo

S06, E09  (First Aired: Nov. 24, 2008)
Charlie is left to cover when Jake disappears with the neighbor's daughter; Alan scores a hot date, thanks in part to Charlie's car.
  • Sat 5/27
  • 7:00PM-7:30PM
  • 11
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He Smelled the Ham, He Got Excited

S06, E10  (First Aired: Dec. 8, 2008)
When Evelyn offers to pay for Jake's college education, Alan wonders if he ever needs to work again.
  • Sat 5/27
  • 7:30PM-8:00PM
  • 11
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Dead From the Waist Down

S08, E11  (First Aired: Dec. 6, 2010)
Ashamed that he can't afford to buy a birthday present for Lyndsey, Alan gets creative.
  • Sun 5/28
  • 2:00PM-2:30PM
  • 11
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Chocolate Diddlers or My Puppy's Dead

S08, E12  (First Aired: Dec. 13, 2010)
Depressed after his breakup from Courtney (Jenny McCarthy), Charlie goes to see his psychiatrist (Jane Lynch).
  • Sun 5/28
  • 2:30PM-3:00PM
  • 11
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Three Hookers and a Philly Cheesesteak

S08, E15  (First Aired: Feb. 7, 2011)
Charlie and Rose continue their affair; Alan's business becomes a Ponzi scheme.
  • Sun 5/28
  • 3:00PM-3:30PM
  • 11
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  • 711
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That Darn Priest

S08, E16  (First Aired: Feb. 14, 2011)
Rose discovers Alan's Ponzi scheme; Alan meets Rose's ``husband''; Charlie tries to get time alone with Rose.
  • Sun 5/28
  • 3:30PM-4:00PM
  • 11
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The Devil's Lube

S06, E11  (First Aired: Dec. 15, 2008)
When one of Charlie's old partners in crime dies, Charlie re-evaluates his own reckless lifestyle.
  • Sun 5/28
  • 7:00PM-7:30PM
  • 11
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  • 711
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Thank God for Scoliosis

S06, E12  (First Aired: Jan. 12, 2009)
Charlie and Jake fight for the affections of a waitress, while Alan fights sexual tension with his receptionist.
  • Sun 5/28
  • 7:30PM-8:00PM
  • 11
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Sarah Like Puny Alan

S01, E13  (First Aired: Jan. 12, 2004)
Charlie sets his ailing brother up on a date, then drags him to a steam room to help him get rid of his flu symptoms.
  • Mon 5/29
  • 7:00PM-7:30PM
  • 11
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I Can't Afford Hyenas

S01, E14  (First Aired: Feb. 2, 2004)
Charlie realizes he's broke when his credit card is declined at the grocery store. Richard Lewis guest stars.
  • Mon 5/29
  • 7:30PM-8:00PM
  • 11
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I Changed My Mind About the Milk

S10, E01  (First Aired: Sep. 27, 2012)
Walden plans a surprise for Zoey's birthday.
  • Tue 5/30
  • 12:00PM-12:30PM
  • 40
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  • 767
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A Big Bag of Dog

S10, E02  (First Aired: Oct. 4, 2012)
Walden has a breakdown after his relationship with Zoey ends.
  • Tue 5/30
  • 12:30PM-1:00PM
  • 40
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  • 767
  • FX HD

Four Balls, Two Bats and One Mitt

S10, E03  (First Aired: Oct. 11, 2012)
Lyndsey and Alan try to add a little excitement to their love life.
  • Tue 5/30
  • 3:00PM-3:30PM
  • 40
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  • 767
  • FX HD

You Do Know What the Lollipop Is For

S10, E04  (First Aired: Oct. 18, 2012)
A friend's visiting daughter (Miley Cyrus) makes Walden feel his age.
  • Tue 5/30
  • 3:30PM-4:00PM
  • 40
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  • 767
  • FX HD

Round One to the Hot Crazy Chick

S01, E15  (First Aired: Feb. 9, 2004)
Against Alan's judgment, Charlie falls for a seemingly crazy woman named Frankie. Guest star: Jenna Elfman.
  • Tue 5/30
  • 7:00PM-7:30PM
  • 11
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That Was Saliva, Alan

S01, E16  (First Aired: Feb. 16, 2004)
Frankie tells Charlie and Alan why she and her daughter are on the run; Frankie's daughter has a crush on Jake.
  • Tue 5/30
  • 7:30PM-8:00PM
  • 11
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  • 711
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Four Balls, Two Bats and One Mitt

S10, E03  (First Aired: Oct. 11, 2012)
Lyndsey and Alan try to add a little excitement to their love life.
  • Wed 5/31
  • 11:30AM-12:00PM
  • 40
  • FX
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  •  
  • 767
  • FX HD

You Do Know What the Lollipop Is For

S10, E04  (First Aired: Oct. 18, 2012)
A friend's visiting daughter (Miley Cyrus) makes Walden feel his age.
  • Wed 5/31
  • 12:00PM-12:30PM
  • 40
  • FX
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  •  
  • 767
  • FX HD

That's Not What They Call It in Amsterdam

S10, E05  (First Aired: Oct. 25, 2012)
Walden ignores Alan's warnings and starts dating Rose (Melanie Lynskey).
  • Wed 5/31
  • 3:00PM-3:30PM
  • 40
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  • 767
  • FX HD

Ferrets, Attack!

S10, E06  (First Aired: Nov. 1, 2012)
Walden must choose between Zoey and Rose.
  • Wed 5/31
  • 3:30PM-4:00PM
  • 40
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  • 767
  • FX HD

Ate the Hamburgers, Wearing the Hats

S01, E17  (First Aired: Feb. 23, 2004)
Alan offends Charlie by choosing harebrained cousins as Jake's guardians in the event of his death.
  • Thu 6/1
  • 1:00AM-1:30AM
  • 11
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  • 711
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An Old Flame With a New Wick

S01, E18  (First Aired: Mar. 1, 2004)
Charlie is stunned to learn his ex-girlfriend is now a man (Chris O'Donnell).
  • Thu 6/1
  • 1:30AM-2:00AM
  • 11
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  • 711
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That's Not What They Call It in Amsterdam

S10, E05  (First Aired: Oct. 25, 2012)
Walden ignores Alan's warnings and starts dating Rose (Melanie Lynskey).
  • Thu 6/1
  • 11:00AM-11:30AM
  • 40
  • FX
  •  
  •  
  • 767
  • FX HD

Ferrets, Attack!

S10, E06  (First Aired: Nov. 1, 2012)
Walden must choose between Zoey and Rose.
  • Thu 6/1
  • 11:30AM-12:00PM
  • 40
  • FX
  •  
  •  
  • 767
  • FX HD

Avoid the Chinese Mustard

S10, E07  (First Aired: Nov. 8, 2012)
When Walden gets tired of the complications that come with a traditional relationship, he hires an actress to be his girlfriend; Jake plans a rendezvous with Missi (Miley Cyrus) at the beach house.
  • Thu 6/1
  • 3:00PM-3:30PM
  • 40
  • FX
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  •  
  • 767
  • FX HD

Something My Gynecologist Said

S10, E08  (First Aired: Nov. 15, 2012)
Alan feels reluctant to make a commitment to Lyndsey, but an unexpected source inspires him; Walden enjoys being the boy-toy of a wealthy older woman.
  • Thu 6/1
  • 3:30PM-4:00PM
  • 40
  • FX
  •  
  •  
  • 767
  • FX HD

I Remember the Coatroom, I Just Don't Remember You

S01, E19  (First Aired: Mar. 22, 2004)
Judith's sister, Liz (guest star Teri Hatcher), hits on Alan at Jake's birthday party; Evelyn prefers alcohol to cake.
  • Thu 6/1
  • 7:00PM-7:30PM
  • 11
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  • 711
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Nine Magic Fingers

S09, E04  (First Aired: Oct. 10, 2011)
Walden searches for love; Alan encounters a chance to reconcile with Lyndsey.
  • Thu 6/1
  • 7:30PM-8:00PM
  • 11
  • WPIX
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  • 711
  • WPIXDT

Avoid the Chinese Mustard

S10, E07  (First Aired: Nov. 8, 2012)
When Walden gets tired of the complications that come with a traditional relationship, he hires an actress to be his girlfriend; Jake plans a rendezvous with Missi (Miley Cyrus) at the beach house.
  • Fri 6/2
  • 11:30AM-12:00PM
  • 40
  • FX
  •  
  •  
  • 767
  • FX HD

Something My Gynecologist Said

S10, E08  (First Aired: Nov. 15, 2012)
Alan feels reluctant to make a commitment to Lyndsey, but an unexpected source inspires him; Walden enjoys being the boy-toy of a wealthy older woman.
  • Fri 6/2
  • 12:00PM-12:30PM
  • 40
  • FX
  •  
  •  
  • 767
  • FX HD

I Scream When I Pee

S10, E09  (First Aired: Nov. 29, 2012)
Alan's famous ex-wife, Kandi, wants to reconcile; when Berta isn't interested in celebrating her birthday, Walden tries to make her day special.
  • Fri 6/2
  • 5:00PM-5:30PM
  • 40
  • FX
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  •  
  • 767
  • FX HD

One Nut Johnson

S10, E10  (First Aired: Dec. 6, 2012)
Alan helps Walden create a new identity so he can avoid women who are only interested in his money.
  • Fri 6/2
  • 5:30PM-6:00PM
  • 40
  • FX
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  • 767
  • FX HD

Hey, I Can Pee Outside in the Dark

S01, E20  (First Aired: Apr. 19, 2004)
After trying a father/son talk, Alan and Judith decide to take a moody Jake to a therapist (Jane Lynch).
  • Fri 6/2
  • 7:00PM-7:30PM
  • 11
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  • 711
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A Giant Cat Holding a Churro

S09, E05  (First Aired: Oct. 17, 2011)
Alan tries to come to terms with Lyndsey's past; Walden throws a party at the house.
  • Fri 6/2
  • 7:30PM-8:00PM
  • 11
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  • 711
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Give Santa a Tail-Hole

S10, E11  (First Aired: Dec. 13, 2012)
Walden juggles his two identities; Alan ends up alone on Christmas.
  • Sat 6/3
  • 9:30AM-10:00AM
  • 40
  • FX
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  • 767
  • FX HD

Welcome to Alancrest

S10, E12  (First Aired: Jan. 3, 2013)
Alan invests Walden's money in Kate's fashion line; leading a double life takes its toll on Walden.
  • Sat 6/3
  • 10:00AM-10:30AM
  • 40
  • FX
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  • 767
  • FX HD

Grab a Feather and Get in Line

S10, E13  (First Aired: Jan. 10, 2013)
Alan and Walden go to Kate's fashion show in New York so Walden can reveal the truth about his identity.
  • Sat 6/3
  • 10:30AM-11:00AM
  • 40
  • FX
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  •  
  • 767
  • FX HD

Run Steven Staven! Run!

S10, E14  (First Aired: Jan. 31, 2013)
Alan is faced with relationship trouble when he does not give Lyndsey a key to the beach house; Walden, Alan, Herb and Billy commiserate about relationships.
  • Sat 6/3
  • 11:00AM-11:30AM
  • 40
  • FX
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  • 767
  • FX HD

I Think You Offended Don

S06, E13  (First Aired: Jan. 19, 2009)
Judith is pregnant with a baby girl, and Alan is convinced he is the father; Jake is in a contentious mood, and Charlie thinks he knows why.
  • Sat 6/3
  • 7:00PM-7:30PM
  • 11
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  • 711
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David Copperfield Slipped Me a Roofie

S06, E14  (First Aired: Feb. 2, 2009)
Convinced that Alan is not appreciated by his family, Melissa asks him to live with her and her mother.
  • Sat 6/3
  • 7:30PM-8:00PM
  • 11
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I'd Like to Start With the Cat

S06, E15  (First Aired: Feb. 9, 2009)
In an attempt to prove he has changed from his old self, Charlie agrees to go with Chelsea to couples counseling.
  • Sun 6/4
  • 7:00PM-7:30PM
  • 11
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  • 711
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She'll Still Be Dead at Halftime

S06, E16  (First Aired: Mar. 2, 2009)
Charlie rushes to get a half-naked woman out of his bedroom before Chelsea (Jennifer Taylor) arrives.
  • Sun 6/4
  • 7:30PM-8:00PM
  • 11
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  • 711
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Run Steven Staven! Run!

S10, E14  (First Aired: Jan. 31, 2013)
Alan is faced with relationship trouble when he does not give Lyndsey a key to the beach house; Walden, Alan, Herb and Billy commiserate about relationships.
  • Mon 6/5
  • 3:00PM-3:30PM
  • 40
  • FX
  •  
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  • 767
  • FX HD

Paint It, Pierce It or Plug It

S10, E15  (First Aired: Feb. 7, 2013)
When Jake brings his 36-year-old girlfriend home for a visit, Alan is concerned; Walden tries to hide something from Alan.
  • Mon 6/5
  • 3:30PM-4:00PM
  • 40
  • FX
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  • 767
  • FX HD

Santa's Village of the Damned

S03, E11  (First Aired: Dec. 19, 2005)
Alan dates a controlling woman who takes over the house during the Christmas holidays.
  • Mon 6/5
  • 7:00PM-7:30PM
  • 11
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A Bag Full of Jawea

S02, E03  (First Aired: Oct. 4, 2004)
Charlie tries to save Jake from school suspension by romancing his teacher, but the results are unfortunate.
  • Mon 6/5
  • 7:30PM-8:00PM
  • 11
  • WPIX
  •  
  •  
  • 711
  • WPIXDT

Run Steven Staven! Run!

S10, E14  (First Aired: Jan. 31, 2013)
Alan is faced with relationship trouble when he does not give Lyndsey a key to the beach house; Walden, Alan, Herb and Billy commiserate about relationships.
  • Tue 6/6
  • 11:00AM-11:30AM
  • 40
  • FX
  •  
  •  
  • 767
  • FX HD

Paint It, Pierce It or Plug It

S10, E15  (First Aired: Feb. 7, 2013)
When Jake brings his 36-year-old girlfriend home for a visit, Alan is concerned; Walden tries to hide something from Alan.
  • Tue 6/6
  • 11:30AM-12:00PM
  • 40
  • FX
  •  
  •  
  • 767
  • FX HD

Advantage: Fat, Flying Baby

S10, E16  (First Aired: Feb. 14, 2013)
Depressed on Valentine's Day, Walden tries to talk Kate into giving him another chance; Alan's holiday plans go south.
  • Tue 6/6
  • 3:00PM-3:30PM
  • 40
  • FX
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  •  
  • 767
  • FX HD

Throgwarten Middle School Mysteries

S10, E17  (First Aired: Feb. 21, 2013)
When Walden runs into his ex and they start talking about getting back together, Alan worries that she is not good enough.
  • Tue 6/6
  • 3:30PM-4:00PM
  • 40
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  • 767
  • FX HD

Just Like Buffalo

S01, E23  (First Aired: May. 17, 2004)
Charlie tries to sweet talk Judith's divorcee support-group into letting Jake continue to spend weekends at his place.
  • Wed 6/7
  • 1:00AM-1:30AM
  • 11
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Can You Feel My Finger?

S01, E24  (First Aired: May. 24, 2004)
A pregnancy scare has Charlie heading to the doctor for a vasectomy.
  • Wed 6/7
  • 1:30AM-2:00AM
  • 11
  • WPIX
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  • 711
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Advantage: Fat, Flying Baby

S10, E16  (First Aired: Feb. 14, 2013)
Depressed on Valentine's Day, Walden tries to talk Kate into giving him another chance; Alan's holiday plans go south.
  • Wed 6/7
  • 11:30AM-12:00PM
  • 40
  • FX
  •  
  •  
  • 767
  • FX HD

Throgwarten Middle School Mysteries

S10, E17  (First Aired: Feb. 21, 2013)
When Walden runs into his ex and they start talking about getting back together, Alan worries that she is not good enough.
  • Wed 6/7
  • 12:00PM-12:30PM
  • 40
  • FX
  •  
  •  
  • 767
  • FX HD

The 9:04 From Pemberton

S10, E18  (First Aired: Mar. 7, 2013)
After a fight with Walden, Alan decides to move in with Herb.
  • Wed 6/7
  • 3:00PM-3:30PM
  • 40
  • FX
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  • 767
  • FX HD

Big Episode: Someone Stole a Spoon

S10, E19  (First Aired: Mar. 14, 2013)
Alan and Walden end up partying too hard as they try to cheer up Herb.
  • Wed 6/7
  • 3:30PM-4:00PM
  • 40
  • FX
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  • 767
  • FX HD

Back Off Mary Poppins

S02, E01  (First Aired: Sep. 20, 2004)
Alan learns that Charlie belongs to an exclusive men's group, and he begs his brother to let him join.
  • Wed 6/7
  • 7:00PM-7:30PM
  • 11
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Enjoy Those Garlic Balls

S02, E02  (First Aired: Sep. 27, 2004)
Judith is dating Jake's pediatrician (Ryan Stiles), and Alan is upset until Charlie points out that if she remarries, his alimony payments will end.
  • Wed 6/7
  • 7:30PM-8:00PM
  • 11
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The 9:04 From Pemberton

S10, E18  (First Aired: Mar. 7, 2013)
After a fight with Walden, Alan decides to move in with Herb.
  • Thu 6/8
  • 12:00PM-12:30PM
  • 40
  • FX
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  • 767
  • FX HD

Big Episode: Someone Stole a Spoon

S10, E19  (First Aired: Mar. 14, 2013)
Alan and Walden end up partying too hard as they try to cheer up Herb.
  • Thu 6/8
  • 12:30PM-1:00PM
  • 40
  • FX
  •  
  •  
  • 767
  • FX HD

Bazinga! That's From a TV Show

S10, E20  (First Aired: Apr. 4, 2013)
Walden and Alan are caught in the crossfire when Jake cheats on his girlfriend (Jaime Pressly) with her 18-year-old daughter.
  • Thu 6/8
  • 3:00PM-3:30PM
  • 40
  • FX
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  •  
  • 767
  • FX HD

Another Night With Neil Diamond

S10, E21  (First Aired: Apr. 25, 2013)
Alan has a difficult time coping when Lyndsey breaks up with him.
  • Thu 6/8
  • 3:30PM-4:00PM
  • 40
  • FX
  •  
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  • 767
  • FX HD

A Bag Full of Jawea

S02, E03  (First Aired: Oct. 4, 2004)
Charlie tries to save Jake from school suspension by romancing his teacher, but the results are unfortunate.
  • Thu 6/8
  • 7:00PM-7:30PM
  • 11
  • WPIX
  •  
  •  
  • 711
  • WPIXDT

The Squat and the Hover

S09, E06  (First Aired: Oct. 24, 2011)
Depressed after receiving divorce papers, Walden cheers up when he meets a woman who looks very similar to his ex, Bridget (Judy Greer).
  • Thu 6/8
  • 7:30PM-8:00PM
  • 11
  • WPIX
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  • 711
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Bazinga! That's From a TV Show

S10, E20  (First Aired: Apr. 4, 2013)
Walden and Alan are caught in the crossfire when Jake cheats on his girlfriend (Jaime Pressly) with her 18-year-old daughter.
  • Fri 6/9
  • 11:00AM-11:30AM
  • 40
  • FX
  •  
  •  
  • 767
  • FX HD

Another Night With Neil Diamond

S10, E21  (First Aired: Apr. 25, 2013)
Alan has a difficult time coping when Lyndsey breaks up with him.
  • Fri 6/9
  • 11:30AM-12:00PM
  • 40
  • FX
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  • 767
  • FX HD

My Bodacious Vidalia

S10, E22  (First Aired: May. 2, 2013)
With encouragement from Walden, Alan decides to update his look; Alan is faced with a moral dilemma when he attracts a married woman.
  • Fri 6/9
  • 4:00PM-4:30PM
  • 40
  • FX
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  • 767
  • FX HD

Cows, Prepare to Be Tipped

S10, E23  (First Aired: May. 9, 2013)
Walden dates an attractive 22-year-old (Hilary Duff), but ends up being more interested in her grandmother (Marilu Henner); Jake and Alan go on a trip.
  • Fri 6/9
  • 4:30PM-5:00PM
  • 40
  • FX
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  • 767
  • FX HD

Go Get Mommy's Bra

S02, E04  (First Aired: Oct. 11, 2004)
Charlie's mother, Evelyn, asks to borrow his Mercedes so she can impress a Saudi prince who she wants to buy real estate.
  • Fri 6/9
  • 7:00PM-7:30PM
  • 11
  • WPIX
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  • 711
  • WPIXDT

Those Fancy Japanese Toilets

S09, E07  (First Aired: Oct. 31, 2011)
Jake has feelings for his chemistry tutor, but she has a crush on Walden; Alan becomes obsessed with the journal his brother left him in his will.
  • Fri 6/9
  • 7:30PM-8:00PM
  • 11
  • WPIX
  •  
  •  
  • 711
  • WPIXDT