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Two and a Half Men

Two and a Half Men

Genre: Sitcom

Chiropractor and single father Alan Harper lives in a beachfront house with divorced Internet billionaire Walden Schmidt, who bought the house following the untimely death of Alan's brother, Charlie. As they acclimate to their living arrangement, the tightly wound Alan finds himself taking on a mentor role with Walden, whose lifelong dependence on being taken care of has left him a bit naive. Despite his unsuccessful romantic history, Alan also tries to help Walden overcome his limited experiences with dating. Berta, a sharp-tongued, unapologetic housekeeper, is also featured in the series.
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All Upcoming Times for Two and a Half Men

Episode Air Date Channel

Something My Gynecologist Said

S10, E08  (First Aired: Nov. 15, 2012)
Alan feels reluctant to make a commitment to Lyndsey, but an unexpected source inspires him; Walden enjoys being the boy-toy of a wealthy older woman.
  • Mon 6/27
  • 3:00PM-3:30PM
  • 31
  • FX

I Scream When I Pee

S10, E09  (First Aired: Nov. 29, 2012)
Alan's famous ex-wife, Kandi, wants to reconcile; when Berta isn't interested in celebrating her birthday, Walden tries to make her day special.
  • Mon 6/27
  • 3:30PM-4:00PM
  • 31
  • FX

City of Great Racks

S05, E04  (First Aired: Oct. 15, 2007)
Although Charlie is getting closer to Linda, he begins to see Rose's face wherever he looks.
  • Mon 6/27
  • 9:00PM-9:30PM
  • 6
  • KMTW

Putting Swim Fins on a Cat

S05, E05  (First Aired: Oct. 22, 2007)
Charlie has to entertain his girlfriend's 4-year-old son; Alan becomes a human guinea pig.
  • Mon 6/27
  • 9:30PM-10:00PM
  • 6
  • KMTW

Something My Gynecologist Said

S10, E08  (First Aired: Nov. 15, 2012)
Alan feels reluctant to make a commitment to Lyndsey, but an unexpected source inspires him; Walden enjoys being the boy-toy of a wealthy older woman.
  • Tue 6/28
  • 10:30AM-11:00AM
  • 31
  • FX

I Scream When I Pee

S10, E09  (First Aired: Nov. 29, 2012)
Alan's famous ex-wife, Kandi, wants to reconcile; when Berta isn't interested in celebrating her birthday, Walden tries to make her day special.
  • Tue 6/28
  • 11:00AM-11:30AM
  • 31
  • FX

One Nut Johnson

S10, E10  (First Aired: Dec. 6, 2012)
Alan helps Walden create a new identity so he can avoid women who are only interested in his money.
  • Tue 6/28
  • 2:00PM-2:30PM
  • 31
  • FX

Give Santa a Tail-Hole

S10, E11  (First Aired: Dec. 13, 2012)
Walden juggles his two identities; Alan ends up alone on Christmas.
  • Tue 6/28
  • 2:30PM-3:00PM
  • 31
  • FX

Tight's Good

S05, E09  (First Aired: Nov. 19, 2007)
Charlie tries to resist an attraction to his soon-to-be stepsister (Jenny McCarthy).
  • Tue 6/28
  • 9:00PM-9:30PM
  • 6
  • KMTW

Look at Me, Mommy, I'm Pretty

S05, E16  (First Aired: Apr. 28, 2008)
Alan plans Evelyn's wedding; Charlie pursues his future stepsister.
  • Tue 6/28
  • 9:30PM-10:00PM
  • 6
  • KMTW

One Nut Johnson

S10, E10  (First Aired: Dec. 6, 2012)
Alan helps Walden create a new identity so he can avoid women who are only interested in his money.
  • Wed 6/29
  • 11:00AM-11:30AM
  • 31
  • FX

Give Santa a Tail-Hole

S10, E11  (First Aired: Dec. 13, 2012)
Walden juggles his two identities; Alan ends up alone on Christmas.
  • Wed 6/29
  • 11:30AM-12:00PM
  • 31
  • FX

Welcome to Alancrest

S10, E12  (First Aired: Jan. 3, 2013)
Alan invests Walden's money in Kate's fashion line; leading a double life takes its toll on Walden.
  • Wed 6/29
  • 2:30PM-3:00PM
  • 31
  • FX

Grab a Feather and Get in Line

S10, E13  (First Aired: Jan. 10, 2013)
Alan and Walden go to Kate's fashion show in New York so Walden can reveal the truth about his identity.
  • Wed 6/29
  • 3:00PM-3:30PM
  • 31
  • FX

If My Hole Could Talk

S05, E18  (First Aired: May. 12, 2008)
Charlie discovers he is attracted to an older woman who writes self-help books; Jake and Alan fight over a school assignment.
  • Wed 6/29
  • 9:00PM-9:30PM
  • 6
  • KMTW

Waiting for the Right Snapper

S05, E19  (First Aired: May. 19, 2008)
Charlie tries to resist temptation when he meets the daughter of the woman he's dating and realizes they've met before.
  • Wed 6/29
  • 9:30PM-10:00PM
  • 6
  • KMTW

Welcome to Alancrest

S10, E12  (First Aired: Jan. 3, 2013)
Alan invests Walden's money in Kate's fashion line; leading a double life takes its toll on Walden.
  • Thu 6/30
  • 11:00AM-11:30AM
  • 31
  • FX

Grab a Feather and Get in Line

S10, E13  (First Aired: Jan. 10, 2013)
Alan and Walden go to Kate's fashion show in New York so Walden can reveal the truth about his identity.
  • Thu 6/30
  • 11:30AM-12:00PM
  • 31
  • FX

Run Steven Staven! Run!

S10, E14  (First Aired: Jan. 31, 2013)
Alan is faced with relationship trouble when he does not give Lyndsey a key to the beach house; Walden, Alan, Herb and Billy commiserate about relationships.
  • Thu 6/30
  • 2:00PM-2:30PM
  • 31
  • FX

Paint It, Pierce It or Plug It

S10, E15  (First Aired: Feb. 7, 2013)
When Jake brings his 36-year-old girlfriend home for a visit, Alan is concerned; Walden tries to hide something from Alan.
  • Thu 6/30
  • 2:30PM-3:00PM
  • 31
  • FX

The Flavin' and the Mavin

S06, E04  (First Aired: Oct. 13, 2008)
Alan awaits disaster as Charlie romances Alan's sweet receptionist.
  • Thu 6/30
  • 9:00PM-9:30PM
  • 6
  • KMTW

Thank God for Scoliosis

S06, E12  (First Aired: Jan. 12, 2009)
Charlie and Jake fight for the affections of a waitress, while Alan fights sexual tension with his receptionist.
  • Thu 6/30
  • 9:30PM-10:00PM
  • 6
  • KMTW

Run Steven Staven! Run!

S10, E14  (First Aired: Jan. 31, 2013)
Alan is faced with relationship trouble when he does not give Lyndsey a key to the beach house; Walden, Alan, Herb and Billy commiserate about relationships.
  • Fri 7/1
  • 10:30AM-11:00AM
  • 31
  • FX

Paint It, Pierce It or Plug It

S10, E15  (First Aired: Feb. 7, 2013)
When Jake brings his 36-year-old girlfriend home for a visit, Alan is concerned; Walden tries to hide something from Alan.
  • Fri 7/1
  • 11:00AM-11:30AM
  • 31
  • FX

Advantage: Fat, Flying Baby

S10, E16  (First Aired: Feb. 14, 2013)
Depressed on Valentine's Day, Walden tries to talk Kate into giving him another chance; Alan's holiday plans go south.
  • Fri 7/1
  • 4:00PM-4:30PM
  • 31
  • FX

Throgwarten Middle School Mysteries

S10, E17  (First Aired: Feb. 21, 2013)
When Walden runs into his ex and they start talking about getting back together, Alan worries that she is not good enough.
  • Fri 7/1
  • 4:30PM-5:00PM
  • 31
  • FX

Kinda Like Necrophilia

S05, E10  (First Aired: Nov. 26, 2007)
Alan seeks revenge when he discovers that Charlie stole his high-school girlfriend.
  • Fri 7/1
  • 9:00PM-9:30PM
  • 6
  • KMTW

Gumby With a Pokey

S07, E21  (First Aired: May. 17, 2010)
While Alan and Jake are away on a road trip, Charlie is visited by the ghosts of his ex-girlfriends.
  • Fri 7/1
  • 9:30PM-10:00PM
  • 6
  • KMTW

The 9:04 From Pemberton

S10, E18  (First Aired: Mar. 7, 2013)
After a fight with Walden, Alan decides to move in with Herb.
  • Sat 7/2
  • 8:30AM-9:00AM
  • 31
  • FX

Big Episode: Someone Stole a Spoon

S10, E19  (First Aired: Mar. 14, 2013)
Alan and Walden end up partying too hard as they try to cheer up Herb.
  • Sat 7/2
  • 9:00AM-9:30AM
  • 31
  • FX

Bazinga! That's From a TV Show

S10, E20  (First Aired: Apr. 4, 2013)
Walden and Alan are caught in the crossfire when Jake cheats on his girlfriend (Jaime Pressly) with her 18-year-old daughter.
  • Sat 7/2
  • 9:30AM-10:00AM
  • 31
  • FX

Another Night With Neil Diamond

S10, E21  (First Aired: Apr. 25, 2013)
Alan has a difficult time coping when Lyndsey breaks up with him.
  • Sat 7/2
  • 10:00AM-10:30AM
  • 31
  • FX

Crude and Uncalled For

S07, E14  (First Aired: Feb. 1, 2010)
A bar fight lands Alan in jail; Charlie worries that Chelsea is interested in the lawyer who takes Alan's case.
  • Sat 7/2
  • 8:00PM-8:30PM
  • 6
  • KMTW

Aye, Aye, Captain

S07, E15  (First Aired: Feb. 8, 2010)
Charlie's relationship with Chelsea is threatened by his jealousy.
  • Sat 7/2
  • 8:30PM-9:00PM
  • 6
  • KMTW

Tinkle Like a Princess

S07, E16  (First Aired: Mar. 1, 2010)
After running off to Las Vegas, Charlie returns with a new wife.
  • Sat 7/2
  • 9:00PM-9:30PM
  • 6
  • KMTW

I Found Your Mustache

S07, E17  (First Aired: Mar. 8, 2010)
Charlie and Chelsea have a post-breakup one-night stand.
  • Sat 7/2
  • 9:30PM-10:00PM
  • 6
  • KMTW

The 9:04 From Pemberton

S10, E18  (First Aired: Mar. 7, 2013)
After a fight with Walden, Alan decides to move in with Herb.
  • Sun 7/3
  • 12:00AM-12:30AM
  • 31
  • FX

Big Episode: Someone Stole a Spoon

S10, E19  (First Aired: Mar. 14, 2013)
Alan and Walden end up partying too hard as they try to cheer up Herb.
  • Sun 7/3
  • 12:30AM-1:00AM
  • 31
  • FX

Bazinga! That's From a TV Show

S10, E20  (First Aired: Apr. 4, 2013)
Walden and Alan are caught in the crossfire when Jake cheats on his girlfriend (Jaime Pressly) with her 18-year-old daughter.
  • Sun 7/3
  • 2:00AM-2:30AM
  • 31
  • FX

Another Night With Neil Diamond

S10, E21  (First Aired: Apr. 25, 2013)
Alan has a difficult time coping when Lyndsey breaks up with him.
  • Sun 7/3
  • 2:30AM-3:00AM
  • 31
  • FX

Pinocchio's Mouth

S06, E08  (First Aired: Nov. 17, 2008)
Charlie has trouble adjusting when his new girlfriend asks him to spend the night at her place.
  • Mon 7/4
  • 9:00PM-9:30PM
  • 6
  • KMTW

She'll Still Be Dead at Halftime

S06, E16  (First Aired: Mar. 2, 2009)
Charlie rushes to get a half-naked woman out of his bedroom before Chelsea (Jennifer Taylor) arrives.
  • Mon 7/4
  • 9:30PM-10:00PM
  • 6
  • KMTW

My Bodacious Vidalia

S10, E22  (First Aired: May. 2, 2013)
With encouragement from Walden, Alan decides to update his look; Alan is faced with a moral dilemma when he attracts a married woman.
  • Tue 7/5
  • 11:00AM-11:30AM
  • 31
  • FX

Cows, Prepare to Be Tipped

S10, E23  (First Aired: May. 9, 2013)
Walden dates an attractive 22-year-old (Hilary Duff), but ends up being more interested in her grandmother (Marilu Henner); Jake and Alan go on a trip.
  • Tue 7/5
  • 11:30AM-12:00PM
  • 31
  • FX

Pilot

S01, E01  (First Aired: Sep. 22, 2003)
Charlie's life turns upside down when his brother and nephew move in; at the supermarket, Charlie discovers he can use 10-year-old Jake to attract women.
  • Tue 7/5
  • 2:00PM-2:30PM
  • 31
  • FX

Big Flappy Bastards

S01, E02  (First Aired: Sep. 29, 2003)
Charlie doesn't know how to discipline Jake for luring a flock of sea gulls into his room; Judith surprises Alan when he goes home to fix her sprinklers.
  • Tue 7/5
  • 2:30PM-3:00PM
  • 31
  • FX

Gorp. Fnark. Schmegle.

S07, E08  (First Aired: Nov. 16, 2009)
Chelsea tries to help her beautiful college roommate get over a bad breakup.
  • Tue 7/5
  • 9:00PM-9:30PM
  • 6
  • KMTW

Ixnay on the Oggie Day

S07, E18  (First Aired: Mar. 22, 2010)
Charlie has a return engagement with Gail (Tricia Helfer), Chelsea's best friend; Alan has a surprising effect on a female patient.
  • Tue 7/5
  • 9:30PM-10:00PM
  • 6
  • KMTW

Pilot

S01, E01  (First Aired: Sep. 22, 2003)
Charlie's life turns upside down when his brother and nephew move in; at the supermarket, Charlie discovers he can use 10-year-old Jake to attract women.
  • Wed 7/6
  • 10:30AM-11:00AM
  • 31
  • FX

Big Flappy Bastards

S01, E02  (First Aired: Sep. 29, 2003)
Charlie doesn't know how to discipline Jake for luring a flock of sea gulls into his room; Judith surprises Alan when he goes home to fix her sprinklers.
  • Wed 7/6
  • 11:00AM-11:30AM
  • 31
  • FX

Go East on Sunset Until You Reach the Gates of Hell

S01, E03  (First Aired: Oct. 6, 2003)
One drink too many emboldens the brothers to stand up to their controlling mother.
  • Wed 7/6
  • 2:00PM-2:30PM
  • 31
  • FX

If I Can't Write My Chocolate Song, I'm Going to Take a Nap

S01, E04  (First Aired: Oct. 13, 2003)
Alan offers to help get Charlie's cleaning lady back if Charlie can get Jake ready to go out to dinner with his mother.
  • Wed 7/6
  • 2:30PM-3:00PM
  • 31
  • FX

Twanging Your Magic Clanger

S08, E06  (First Aired: Oct. 25, 2010)
Charlie has difficulty dealing with dating a slightly older woman.
  • Wed 7/6
  • 9:00PM-9:30PM
  • 6
  • KMTW

The Crazy Bitch Gazette

S08, E07  (First Aired: Nov. 1, 2010)
Charlie's girlfriend gets fed up with his stalker, Rose.
  • Wed 7/6
  • 9:30PM-10:00PM
  • 6
  • KMTW

Go East on Sunset Until You Reach the Gates of Hell

S01, E03  (First Aired: Oct. 6, 2003)
One drink too many emboldens the brothers to stand up to their controlling mother.
  • Thu 7/7
  • 11:00AM-11:30AM
  • 31
  • FX

If I Can't Write My Chocolate Song, I'm Going to Take a Nap

S01, E04  (First Aired: Oct. 13, 2003)
Alan offers to help get Charlie's cleaning lady back if Charlie can get Jake ready to go out to dinner with his mother.
  • Thu 7/7
  • 11:30AM-12:00PM
  • 31
  • FX

The Last Thing You Want Is to Wind Up With a Hump

S01, E05  (First Aired: Oct. 20, 2003)
Charlie and Alan meet several women while attending one of Jake's soccer games.
  • Thu 7/7
  • 2:00PM-2:30PM
  • 31
  • FX

Did You Check With the Captain of the Flying Monkeys?

S01, E06  (First Aired: Oct. 27, 2003)
After Evelyn's new beau dumps her, Charlie and Alan enlist Jake to cheer her up; Charlie teaches Jake a lesson about screening telephone calls from women.
  • Thu 7/7
  • 2:30PM-3:00PM
  • 31
  • FX

Pilot

S01, E01  (First Aired: Sep. 22, 2003)
Charlie's life turns upside down when his brother and nephew move in; at the supermarket, Charlie discovers he can use 10-year-old Jake to attract women.
  • Thu 7/7
  • 9:00PM-9:30PM
  • 6
  • KMTW

Looking' for Japanese Subs

S08, E14  (First Aired: Jan. 17, 2011)
Charlie begins stalking Rose (Melanie Lynskey); Alan becomes concerned when Eldridge and Jake begin videotaping dangerous stunts.
  • Thu 7/7
  • 9:30PM-10:00PM
  • 6
  • KMTW

The Last Thing You Want Is to Wind Up With a Hump

S01, E05  (First Aired: Oct. 20, 2003)
Charlie and Alan meet several women while attending one of Jake's soccer games.
  • Fri 7/8
  • 9:30AM-10:00AM
  • 31
  • FX

Did You Check With the Captain of the Flying Monkeys?

S01, E06  (First Aired: Oct. 27, 2003)
After Evelyn's new beau dumps her, Charlie and Alan enlist Jake to cheer her up; Charlie teaches Jake a lesson about screening telephone calls from women.
  • Fri 7/8
  • 10:00AM-10:30AM
  • 31
  • FX

If They Do Go Either Way, They're Usually Fake

S01, E07  (First Aired: Nov. 3, 2003)
For a school assignment, Jake draws the tattooed buttocks of Charlie's female friend.
  • Fri 7/8
  • 4:00PM-4:30PM
  • 31
  • FX

Twenty-Five Little Pre-Pubers Without a Snoot-Ful

S01, E08  (First Aired: Nov. 10, 2003)
Charlie realizes Jake's classmates know the words to all of his jingles, and he is inspired to craft the fourth-grade musical with unusual results.
  • Fri 7/8
  • 4:30PM-5:00PM
  • 31
  • FX

Hi, Mr. Horned One

S03, E06  (First Aired: Oct. 24, 2005)
Charlie likes dating Isabella (Jodi Lyn O'Keefe), a wild, sexually uninhibited woman, until she threatens to put a curse on his manhood.
  • Fri 7/8
  • 9:00PM-9:30PM
  • 6
  • KMTW

Nice to Meet You, Walden Schmidt

S09, E01  (First Aired: Sep. 19, 2011)
After saying goodbye to the late Charlie Harper, Alan meets Walden Schmidt (Ashton Kutcher), a broken-hearted billionaire.
  • Fri 7/8
  • 9:30PM-10:00PM
  • 6
  • KMTW

Phase One, Complete

S01, E09  (First Aired: Nov. 17, 2003)
Jake and Evelyn befriend one of Charlie's one-night stands, causing her to stay longer than expected.
  • Sat 7/9
  • 9:00AM-9:30AM
  • 31
  • FX

Alan Harper, Frontier Chiropractor

S01, E11  (First Aired: Dec. 15, 2003)
Alan reluctantly agrees to a makeover after running into his ex-wife and her new beau; when the brothers go shopping, they clash over what to buy.
  • Sat 7/9
  • 9:30AM-10:00AM
  • 31
  • FX

Camel Filters and Pheremones

S01, E12  (First Aired: Jan. 5, 2004)
The housekeeper's beautiful granddaughter comes to work with her and attracts the attention of the men; Alan tries to convince Judith that Charlie's house is good for Jake.
  • Sat 7/9
  • 10:00AM-10:30AM
  • 31
  • FX

Sarah Like Puny Alan

S01, E13  (First Aired: Jan. 12, 2004)
Charlie sets his ailing brother up on a date, then drags him to a steam room to help him get rid of his flu symptoms.
  • Sat 7/9
  • 10:30AM-11:00AM
  • 31
  • FX

Keith Moon Is Vomiting in His Grave

S07, E19  (First Aired: Apr. 12, 2010)
Jake's new friend, Eldridge, is a bad influence; Alan likes Eldrigdge's attractive mother (Courtney Thorne-Smith).
  • Sat 7/9
  • 8:00PM-8:30PM
  • 6
  • KMTW

I Called Him Magoo

S07, E20  (First Aired: May. 10, 2010)
Alan tries for an intimate night at a hotel with his new girlfriend; Charlie tries his own approach to get the ``girlfriend experience.''
  • Sat 7/9
  • 8:30PM-9:00PM
  • 6
  • KMTW

Gumby With a Pokey

S07, E21  (First Aired: May. 17, 2010)
While Alan and Jake are away on a road trip, Charlie is visited by the ghosts of his ex-girlfriends.
  • Sat 7/9
  • 9:00PM-9:30PM
  • 6
  • KMTW

This Is Not Gonna End Well

S07, E22  (First Aired: May. 24, 2010)
After Charlie's license is suspended, Jake becomes his driver; Alan plans to go to Chelsea's birthday party.
  • Sat 7/9
  • 9:30PM-10:00PM
  • 6
  • KMTW

Alan Harper, Frontier Chiropractor

S01, E11  (First Aired: Dec. 15, 2003)
Alan reluctantly agrees to a makeover after running into his ex-wife and her new beau; when the brothers go shopping, they clash over what to buy.
  • Sun 7/10
  • 1:30AM-2:00AM
  • 31
  • FX

Camel Filters and Pheremones

S01, E12  (First Aired: Jan. 5, 2004)
The housekeeper's beautiful granddaughter comes to work with her and attracts the attention of the men; Alan tries to convince Judith that Charlie's house is good for Jake.
  • Sun 7/10
  • 2:00AM-2:30AM
  • 31
  • FX

Sarah Like Puny Alan

S01, E13  (First Aired: Jan. 12, 2004)
Charlie sets his ailing brother up on a date, then drags him to a steam room to help him get rid of his flu symptoms.
  • Sun 7/10
  • 3:30AM-4:00AM
  • 31
  • FX