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Two and a Half Men

Two and a Half Men

Genre: Sitcom

Chiropractor and single father Alan Harper lives in a beachfront house with divorced Internet billionaire Walden Schmidt, who bought the house following the untimely death of Alan's brother, Charlie. As they acclimate to their living arrangement, the tightly wound Alan finds himself taking on a mentor role with Walden, whose lifelong dependence on being taken care of has left him a bit naive. Despite his unsuccessful romantic history, Alan also tries to help Walden overcome his limited experiences with dating. Berta, a sharp-tongued, unapologetic housekeeper, is also featured in the series.
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All Upcoming Times for Two and a Half Men

Episode Air Date Channel

Castrating Sheep in Montana

S04, E12  (First Aired: Jan. 8, 2007)
Berta learns that Alan has been dating her daughter (Sara Rue).
  • Mon 12/5
  • 2:00PM-2:30PM
  • 31
  • FX

Don't Worry, Speed Racer

S04, E13  (First Aired: Jan. 22, 2007)
When Jake tells Charlie and Alan that he often overhears Judith and Herb (Ryan Stiles) making out, it triggers a repressed memory for Charlie.
  • Mon 12/5
  • 2:30PM-3:00PM
  • 31
  • FX

Damn You, Eggs Benedict

S06, E03  (First Aired: Oct. 6, 2008)
Charlie attempts to cook, Alan tries to date two women at the same time, and Jake samples beer.
  • Mon 12/5
  • 9:00PM-9:30PM
  • 6
  • KMTW

The Flavin' and the Mavin

S06, E04  (First Aired: Oct. 13, 2008)
Alan awaits disaster as Charlie romances Alan's sweet receptionist.
  • Mon 12/5
  • 9:30PM-10:00PM
  • 6
  • KMTW

Castrating Sheep in Montana

S04, E12  (First Aired: Jan. 8, 2007)
Berta learns that Alan has been dating her daughter (Sara Rue).
  • Tue 12/6
  • 10:30AM-11:00AM
  • 31
  • FX

Don't Worry, Speed Racer

S04, E13  (First Aired: Jan. 22, 2007)
When Jake tells Charlie and Alan that he often overhears Judith and Herb (Ryan Stiles) making out, it triggers a repressed memory for Charlie.
  • Tue 12/6
  • 11:00AM-11:30AM
  • 31
  • FX

That's Summer Sausage, Not Salami

S04, E14  (First Aired: Feb. 5, 2007)
Charlie has second thoughts after setting Alan up with their new neighbor (guest star Brooke Shields).
  • Tue 12/6
  • 2:00PM-2:30PM
  • 31
  • FX

My Damn Stalker

S04, E15  (First Aired: Feb. 12, 2007)
Charlie must face his feelings when Rose announces she is moving to London; Alan fudges his online dating profile, only to wind up with a fellow profile-embellisher (Allison Janney).
  • Tue 12/6
  • 2:30PM-3:00PM
  • 31
  • FX

It's Always Nazi Week

S06, E06  (First Aired: Nov. 3, 2008)
When Judith kicks Herb to the curb, Alan comes knocking.
  • Tue 12/6
  • 9:00PM-9:30PM
  • 6
  • KMTW

Best H.O. Money Can Buy

S06, E07  (First Aired: Nov. 10, 2008)
Alan tries to escape Judith's clutches as Charlie and Herb go on the prowl.
  • Tue 12/6
  • 9:30PM-10:00PM
  • 6
  • KMTW

That's Summer Sausage, Not Salami

S04, E14  (First Aired: Feb. 5, 2007)
Charlie has second thoughts after setting Alan up with their new neighbor (guest star Brooke Shields).
  • Wed 12/7
  • 11:30AM-12:00PM
  • 31
  • FX

My Damn Stalker

S04, E15  (First Aired: Feb. 12, 2007)
Charlie must face his feelings when Rose announces she is moving to London; Alan fudges his online dating profile, only to wind up with a fellow profile-embellisher (Allison Janney).
  • Wed 12/7
  • 12:00PM-12:30PM
  • 31
  • FX

Young People Have Phlegm Too

S04, E16  (First Aired: Feb. 19, 2007)
A more mature woman (Morgan Fairchild) helps rebuild Charlie's ego after he becomes insecure about his age.
  • Wed 12/7
  • 2:00PM-2:30PM
  • 31
  • FX

I Merely Slept With a Commie

S04, E17  (First Aired: Feb. 26, 2007)
Evelyn makes Charlie and Alan regret saying that she will not have any mourners at her funeral.
  • Wed 12/7
  • 2:30PM-3:00PM
  • 31
  • FX

Pinocchio's Mouth

S06, E08  (First Aired: Nov. 17, 2008)
Charlie has trouble adjusting when his new girlfriend asks him to spend the night at her place.
  • Wed 12/7
  • 9:00PM-9:30PM
  • 6
  • KMTW

The Mooch at the Boo

S06, E09  (First Aired: Nov. 24, 2008)
Charlie is left to cover when Jake disappears with the neighbor's daughter; Alan scores a hot date, thanks in part to Charlie's car.
  • Wed 12/7
  • 9:30PM-10:00PM
  • 6
  • KMTW

Young People Have Phlegm Too

S04, E16  (First Aired: Feb. 19, 2007)
A more mature woman (Morgan Fairchild) helps rebuild Charlie's ego after he becomes insecure about his age.
  • Thu 12/8
  • 11:00AM-11:30AM
  • 31
  • FX

I Merely Slept With a Commie

S04, E17  (First Aired: Feb. 26, 2007)
Evelyn makes Charlie and Alan regret saying that she will not have any mourners at her funeral.
  • Thu 12/8
  • 11:30AM-12:00PM
  • 31
  • FX

It Never Rains in Hooterville

S04, E18  (First Aired: Mar. 19, 2007)
After realizing that Jake's childhood is almost over, Alan makes a last-minute try at father-son bonding; Kandi embarks on a new career.
  • Thu 12/8
  • 2:00PM-2:30PM
  • 31
  • FX

Smooth as a Ken Doll

S04, E19  (First Aired: Apr. 9, 2007)
Charlie gets close to Herb's witty sister, as Judith and Herb's wedding nears.
  • Thu 12/8
  • 2:30PM-3:00PM
  • 31
  • FX

He Smelled the Ham, He Got Excited

S06, E10  (First Aired: Dec. 8, 2008)
When Evelyn offers to pay for Jake's college education, Alan wonders if he ever needs to work again.
  • Thu 12/8
  • 9:00PM-9:30PM
  • 6
  • KMTW

One Nut Johnson

S10, E10  (First Aired: Dec. 6, 2012)
Alan helps Walden create a new identity so he can avoid women who are only interested in his money.
  • Thu 12/8
  • 9:30PM-10:00PM
  • 6
  • KMTW

It Never Rains in Hooterville

S04, E18  (First Aired: Mar. 19, 2007)
After realizing that Jake's childhood is almost over, Alan makes a last-minute try at father-son bonding; Kandi embarks on a new career.
  • Fri 12/9
  • 10:00AM-10:30AM
  • 31
  • FX

Smooth as a Ken Doll

S04, E19  (First Aired: Apr. 9, 2007)
Charlie gets close to Herb's witty sister, as Judith and Herb's wedding nears.
  • Fri 12/9
  • 10:30AM-11:00AM
  • 31
  • FX

Aunt Myra Doesn't Pee a Lot

S04, E20  (First Aired: Apr. 16, 2007)
Alan prepares Jake for Judith's wedding; Charlie continues his fling with Herb's sister.
  • Fri 12/9
  • 3:00PM-3:30PM
  • 31
  • FX

Tucked, Taped and Gorgeous

S04, E21  (First Aired: Apr. 23, 2007)
Alan's friendship with a gay single dad prompts both Alan and Charlie to re-examine their sexual identities.
  • Fri 12/9
  • 3:30PM-4:00PM
  • 31
  • FX

The Devil's Lube

S06, E11  (First Aired: Dec. 15, 2008)
When one of Charlie's old partners in crime dies, Charlie re-evaluates his own reckless lifestyle.
  • Fri 12/9
  • 9:00PM-9:30PM
  • 6
  • KMTW

Welcome to Alancrest

S10, E12  (First Aired: Jan. 3, 2013)
Alan invests Walden's money in Kate's fashion line; leading a double life takes its toll on Walden.
  • Fri 12/9
  • 9:30PM-10:00PM
  • 6
  • KMTW

Mr. McGlue's Feedbag

S04, E22  (First Aired: Apr. 30, 2007)
Jake has a windfall when Charlie takes him to the track; Alan finds himself stuck at the Department of Motor Vehicles.
  • Sat 12/10
  • 8:00AM-8:30AM
  • 31
  • FX

Anteaters. They're Just Crazy-Lookin'

S04, E23  (First Aired: May. 7, 2007)
Charlie loses a woman to the young, handsome handyman (guest star Enrique Iglesias) working at his house.
  • Sat 12/10
  • 8:30AM-9:00AM
  • 31
  • FX

Prostitutes and Gelato

S04, E24  (First Aired: May. 14, 2007)
Charlie and Alan must confront their ``daddy issues'' when Evelyn's new boyfriend (Robert Wagner) invites them to Las Vegas on his private jet.
  • Sat 12/10
  • 9:00AM-9:30AM
  • 31
  • FX

Large Birds, Spiders and Mom

S05, E01  (First Aired: Sep. 24, 2007)
Charlie and Alan try to prepare Jake for his first day of junior high.
  • Sat 12/10
  • 9:30AM-10:00AM
  • 31
  • FX

It Was Mame, Mom

S02, E18  (First Aired: Mar. 7, 2005)
When a gay ad executive invites Charlie to a cocktail party, Charlie makes Alan go with him, as his gay partner.
  • Sat 12/10
  • 8:00PM-8:30PM
  • 6
  • KMTW

A Low, Gutteral Tongue-Flapping Noise

S02, E19  (First Aired: Mar. 21, 2005)
Alan asks one of Charlie's beautiful ex-girlfriends (Jeri Ryan) on a date, but while they are out he is tormented by thoughts of her with Charlie.
  • Sat 12/10
  • 8:30PM-9:00PM
  • 6
  • KMTW

Media Room Slash Dungeon

S05, E02  (First Aired: Oct. 1, 2007)
Charlie behaves strangely after an evening with his mother; Alan's date (Janeane Garofalo) reacts oddly after making love.
  • Mon 12/12
  • 2:00PM-2:30PM
  • 31
  • FX

Dum Diddy Dum Diddy Doo

S05, E03  (First Aired: Oct. 8, 2007)
Charlie lets Alan set him up with a woman his own age.
  • Mon 12/12
  • 2:30PM-3:00PM
  • 31
  • FX

Thank God for Scoliosis

S06, E12  (First Aired: Jan. 12, 2009)
Charlie and Jake fight for the affections of a waitress, while Alan fights sexual tension with his receptionist.
  • Mon 12/12
  • 9:00PM-9:30PM
  • 6
  • KMTW

I Think You Offended Don

S06, E13  (First Aired: Jan. 19, 2009)
Judith is pregnant with a baby girl, and Alan is convinced he is the father; Jake is in a contentious mood, and Charlie thinks he knows why.
  • Mon 12/12
  • 9:30PM-10:00PM
  • 6
  • KMTW

Media Room Slash Dungeon

S05, E02  (First Aired: Oct. 1, 2007)
Charlie behaves strangely after an evening with his mother; Alan's date (Janeane Garofalo) reacts oddly after making love.
  • Tue 12/13
  • 10:30AM-11:00AM
  • 31
  • FX

Dum Diddy Dum Diddy Doo

S05, E03  (First Aired: Oct. 8, 2007)
Charlie lets Alan set him up with a woman his own age.
  • Tue 12/13
  • 11:00AM-11:30AM
  • 31
  • FX

City of Great Racks

S05, E04  (First Aired: Oct. 15, 2007)
Although Charlie is getting closer to Linda, he begins to see Rose's face wherever he looks.
  • Tue 12/13
  • 2:00PM-2:30PM
  • 31
  • FX

Putting Swim Fins on a Cat

S05, E05  (First Aired: Oct. 22, 2007)
Charlie has to entertain his girlfriend's 4-year-old son; Alan becomes a human guinea pig.
  • Tue 12/13
  • 2:30PM-3:00PM
  • 31
  • FX

David Copperfield Slipped Me a Roofie

S06, E14  (First Aired: Feb. 2, 2009)
Convinced that Alan is not appreciated by his family, Melissa asks him to live with her and her mother.
  • Tue 12/13
  • 9:00PM-9:30PM
  • 6
  • KMTW

I'd Like to Start With the Cat

S06, E15  (First Aired: Feb. 9, 2009)
In an attempt to prove he has changed from his old self, Charlie agrees to go with Chelsea to couples counseling.
  • Tue 12/13
  • 9:30PM-10:00PM
  • 6
  • KMTW

City of Great Racks

S05, E04  (First Aired: Oct. 15, 2007)
Although Charlie is getting closer to Linda, he begins to see Rose's face wherever he looks.
  • Wed 12/14
  • 11:00AM-11:30AM
  • 31
  • FX

Putting Swim Fins on a Cat

S05, E05  (First Aired: Oct. 22, 2007)
Charlie has to entertain his girlfriend's 4-year-old son; Alan becomes a human guinea pig.
  • Wed 12/14
  • 11:30AM-12:00PM
  • 31
  • FX

Help Daddy Find His Toenail

S05, E06  (First Aired: Oct. 29, 2007)
Charlie's girlfriend is embarrassed to be seen with him; Jake sneaks out to go to a concert.
  • Wed 12/14
  • 2:00PM-2:30PM
  • 31
  • FX

Our Leather Gear Is in the Guest Room

S05, E07  (First Aired: Nov. 5, 2007)
Charlie and Alan butt heads over Alan's place in the house, prompting Alan and Jake to move in with Evelyn.
  • Wed 12/14
  • 2:30PM-3:00PM
  • 31
  • FX

She'll Still Be Dead at Halftime

S06, E16  (First Aired: Mar. 2, 2009)
Charlie rushes to get a half-naked woman out of his bedroom before Chelsea (Jennifer Taylor) arrives.
  • Wed 12/14
  • 9:00PM-9:30PM
  • 6
  • KMTW

The Ocu or the Pado?

S06, E17  (First Aired: Mar. 9, 2009)
When Charlie swears his love to Chelsea (Jennifer Taylor), her response is nothing like what he'd expected.
  • Wed 12/14
  • 9:30PM-10:00PM
  • 6
  • KMTW

Help Daddy Find His Toenail

S05, E06  (First Aired: Oct. 29, 2007)
Charlie's girlfriend is embarrassed to be seen with him; Jake sneaks out to go to a concert.
  • Thu 12/15
  • 10:30AM-11:00AM
  • 31
  • FX

Our Leather Gear Is in the Guest Room

S05, E07  (First Aired: Nov. 5, 2007)
Charlie and Alan butt heads over Alan's place in the house, prompting Alan and Jake to move in with Evelyn.
  • Thu 12/15
  • 11:00AM-11:30AM
  • 31
  • FX

Is There a Mrs. Waffles?

S05, E08  (First Aired: Nov. 12, 2007)
Charlie finds success as a children's singing star, which makes Alan miserable.
  • Thu 12/15
  • 2:00PM-2:30PM
  • 31
  • FX

Tight's Good

S05, E09  (First Aired: Nov. 19, 2007)
Charlie tries to resist an attraction to his soon-to-be stepsister (Jenny McCarthy).
  • Thu 12/15
  • 2:30PM-3:00PM
  • 31
  • FX

My Son's Enormous Head

S06, E18  (First Aired: Mar. 16, 2009)
Charlie fights the overwhelming urge to flee when Chelsea gets sick and he is forced to take care of her.
  • Thu 12/15
  • 9:00PM-9:30PM
  • 6
  • KMTW

Grab a Feather and Get in Line

S10, E13  (First Aired: Jan. 10, 2013)
Alan and Walden go to Kate's fashion show in New York so Walden can reveal the truth about his identity.
  • Thu 12/15
  • 9:30PM-10:00PM
  • 6
  • KMTW

Is There a Mrs. Waffles?

S05, E08  (First Aired: Nov. 12, 2007)
Charlie finds success as a children's singing star, which makes Alan miserable.
  • Fri 12/16
  • 10:30AM-11:00AM
  • 31
  • FX

Tight's Good

S05, E09  (First Aired: Nov. 19, 2007)
Charlie tries to resist an attraction to his soon-to-be stepsister (Jenny McCarthy).
  • Fri 12/16
  • 11:00AM-11:30AM
  • 31
  • FX

Kinda Like Necrophilia

S05, E10  (First Aired: Nov. 26, 2007)
Alan seeks revenge when he discovers that Charlie stole his high-school girlfriend.
  • Fri 12/16
  • 4:00PM-4:30PM
  • 31
  • FX

Meander to Your Dander

S05, E11  (First Aired: Mar. 17, 2008)
Charlie offers Alan pointers on how to break up with a woman.
  • Fri 12/16
  • 4:30PM-5:00PM
  • 31
  • FX

The Two Finger Rule

S06, E19  (First Aired: Mar. 30, 2009)
Chelsea finds pictures of a naked woman on Charlie's phone.
  • Fri 12/16
  • 9:00PM-9:30PM
  • 6
  • KMTW

Run Steven Staven! Run!

S10, E14  (First Aired: Jan. 31, 2013)
Alan is faced with relationship trouble when he does not give Lyndsey a key to the beach house; Walden, Alan, Herb and Billy commiserate about relationships.
  • Fri 12/16
  • 9:30PM-10:00PM
  • 6
  • KMTW

A Little Clammy and None Too Fresh

S05, E12  (First Aired: Mar. 24, 2008)
Rose comes back from England and takes care of sick Charlie in a very strange way.
  • Sat 12/17
  • 8:00AM-8:30AM
  • 31
  • FX

The Soil Is Moist

S05, E13  (First Aired: Mar. 31, 2008)
Alan's date, who happens to be a friend of his ex, reveals a secret about Judith's sex life.
  • Sat 12/17
  • 8:30AM-9:00AM
  • 31
  • FX

Winky-Dink Time

S05, E14  (First Aired: Apr. 14, 2008)
Charlie goes with Jake on a double date and sets up Alan with a prostitute.
  • Sat 12/17
  • 9:00AM-9:30AM
  • 31
  • FX

Rough Night in Hump Junction

S05, E15  (First Aired: Apr. 21, 2008)
Alan fears that Charlie's womanizing is getting out of control.
  • Sat 12/17
  • 9:30AM-10:00AM
  • 31
  • FX

That Old Hose Bag Is My Mother

S02, E22  (First Aired: May. 9, 2005)
After taking a loan from Evelyn, Alan is guilted into double-dating with her, her new romantic interest and his daughter.
  • Sat 12/17
  • 8:00PM-8:30PM
  • 6
  • KMTW

Squab, Squab, Squab, Squab, Squab

S02, E23  (First Aired: May. 16, 2005)
Alan is reluctant to leave Jake with Evelyn for a sleepover visit until he finds himself partying with Charlie and a busload of beautiful female volleyball players.
  • Sat 12/17
  • 8:30PM-9:00PM
  • 6
  • KMTW