TV Listings

Print HELP
Cox Communications - Cable (67501)
Two and a Half Men

Two and a Half Men

Genre: Sitcom

Chiropractor and single father Alan Harper lives in a beachfront house with divorced Internet billionaire Walden Schmidt, who bought the house following the untimely death of Alan's brother, Charlie. As they acclimate to their living arrangement, the tightly wound Alan finds himself taking on a mentor role with Walden, whose lifelong dependence on being taken care of has left him a bit naive. Despite his unsuccessful romantic history, Alan also tries to help Walden overcome his limited experiences with dating. Berta, a sharp-tongued, unapologetic housekeeper, is also featured in the series.
  • Rate this show:
    2.5 / 5.0
    Avg. 2.5 (12,263 ratings)
  • Share

All Upcoming Times for Two and a Half Men

Episode Air Date Channel

Putting Swim Fins on a Cat

S05, E05  (First Aired: Oct. 22, 2007)
Charlie has to entertain his girlfriend's 4-year-old son; Alan becomes a human guinea pig.
  • Mon 11/20
  • 2:00PM-2:30PM
  • 31
  • FX

Help Daddy Find His Toenail

S05, E06  (First Aired: Oct. 29, 2007)
Charlie's girlfriend is embarrassed to be seen with him; Jake sneaks out to go to a concert.
  • Mon 11/20
  • 2:30PM-3:00PM
  • 31
  • FX

If My Hole Could Talk

S05, E18  (First Aired: May. 12, 2008)
Charlie discovers he is attracted to an older woman who writes self-help books; Jake and Alan fight over a school assignment.
  • Mon 11/20
  • 9:00PM-9:30PM
  • 6
  • KMTW

Waiting for the Right Snapper

S05, E19  (First Aired: May. 19, 2008)
Charlie tries to resist temptation when he meets the daughter of the woman he's dating and realizes they've met before.
  • Mon 11/20
  • 9:30PM-10:00PM
  • 6
  • KMTW

Putting Swim Fins on a Cat

S05, E05  (First Aired: Oct. 22, 2007)
Charlie has to entertain his girlfriend's 4-year-old son; Alan becomes a human guinea pig.
  • Tue 11/21
  • 10:00AM-10:30AM
  • 31
  • FX

Help Daddy Find His Toenail

S05, E06  (First Aired: Oct. 29, 2007)
Charlie's girlfriend is embarrassed to be seen with him; Jake sneaks out to go to a concert.
  • Tue 11/21
  • 10:30AM-11:00AM
  • 31
  • FX

Our Leather Gear Is in the Guest Room

S05, E07  (First Aired: Nov. 5, 2007)
Charlie and Alan butt heads over Alan's place in the house, prompting Alan and Jake to move in with Evelyn.
  • Tue 11/21
  • 2:00PM-2:30PM
  • 31
  • FX

Is There a Mrs. Waffles?

S05, E08  (First Aired: Nov. 12, 2007)
Charlie finds success as a children's singing star, which makes Alan miserable.
  • Tue 11/21
  • 2:30PM-3:00PM
  • 31
  • FX

Taterhead Is Our Love Child

S06, E01  (First Aired: Sep. 22, 2008)
Charlie finds that one of his former girlfriends has a son who looks a lot like him.
  • Tue 11/21
  • 9:00PM-9:30PM
  • 6
  • KMTW

Pie Hole, Herb

S06, E02  (First Aired: Sep. 29, 2008)
Alan crosses a line when he tries to get back money that he lent Charlie.
  • Tue 11/21
  • 9:30PM-10:00PM
  • 6
  • KMTW

Our Leather Gear Is in the Guest Room

S05, E07  (First Aired: Nov. 5, 2007)
Charlie and Alan butt heads over Alan's place in the house, prompting Alan and Jake to move in with Evelyn.
  • Wed 11/22
  • 10:00AM-10:30AM
  • 31
  • FX

Is There a Mrs. Waffles?

S05, E08  (First Aired: Nov. 12, 2007)
Charlie finds success as a children's singing star, which makes Alan miserable.
  • Wed 11/22
  • 10:30AM-11:00AM
  • 31
  • FX

Merry Thanksgiving

S01, E10  (First Aired: Nov. 24, 2003)
In an attempt to prove that he is a family man, Charlie invites Lisa (Denise Richards) over for Thanksgiving dinner.
  • Wed 11/22
  • 2:00PM-2:30PM
  • 31
  • FX

Walnuts and Demerol

S04, E11  (First Aired: Dec. 11, 2006)
Charlie finds himself throwing an unwanted, unplanned holiday party; Evelyn tries to keep Charlie from sleeping with his party date.
  • Wed 11/22
  • 2:30PM-3:00PM
  • 31
  • FX

Damn You, Eggs Benedict

S06, E03  (First Aired: Oct. 6, 2008)
Charlie attempts to cook, Alan tries to date two women at the same time, and Jake samples beer.
  • Wed 11/22
  • 9:00PM-9:30PM
  • 6
  • KMTW

The Flavin' and the Mavin

S06, E04  (First Aired: Oct. 13, 2008)
Alan awaits disaster as Charlie romances Alan's sweet receptionist.
  • Wed 11/22
  • 9:30PM-10:00PM
  • 6
  • KMTW

Merry Thanksgiving

S01, E10  (First Aired: Nov. 24, 2003)
In an attempt to prove that he is a family man, Charlie invites Lisa (Denise Richards) over for Thanksgiving dinner.
  • Thu 11/23
  • 9:00PM-9:30PM
  • 6
  • KMTW

Bite Me, Supreme Court

S11, E13  (First Aired: Jan. 30, 2014)
Marty Pepper (Carl Reiner) proposes to Evelyn; Alan and Walden plan a bachelor party for Marty.
  • Thu 11/23
  • 9:30PM-10:00PM
  • 6
  • KMTW

Pilot

S01, E01  (First Aired: Sep. 22, 2003)
Charlie's life turns upside down when his brother and nephew move in; at the supermarket, Charlie discovers he can use 10-year-old Jake to attract women.
  • Fri 11/24
  • 6:00AM-6:30AM
  • 31
  • FX

Merry Thanksgiving

S01, E10  (First Aired: Nov. 24, 2003)
In an attempt to prove that he is a family man, Charlie invites Lisa (Denise Richards) over for Thanksgiving dinner.
  • Fri 11/24
  • 6:30AM-7:00AM
  • 31
  • FX

An Old Flame With a New Wick

S01, E18  (First Aired: Mar. 1, 2004)
Charlie is stunned to learn his ex-girlfriend is now a man (Chris O'Donnell).
  • Fri 11/24
  • 7:00AM-7:30AM
  • 31
  • FX

Bad News From the Clinic

S02, E05  (First Aired: Oct. 18, 2004)
Charlie meets his match when he falls for a woman who is better at playing hard to get than he is.
  • Fri 11/24
  • 7:30AM-8:00AM
  • 31
  • FX

Sleep Tight, Puddin' Pop

S03, E07  (First Aired: Nov. 7, 2005)
Rose's father (Martin Sheen) confronts Charlie about his intentions toward Rose.
  • Fri 11/24
  • 8:00AM-8:30AM
  • 31
  • FX

Who's Vod Kanockers?

S04, E02  (First Aired: Sep. 25, 2006)
Charlie tells Alan the truth about his breakup with Mia; a famous neighbor (Steven Tyler) causes trouble.
  • Fri 11/24
  • 8:30AM-9:00AM
  • 31
  • FX

Large Birds, Spiders and Mom

S05, E01  (First Aired: Sep. 24, 2007)
Charlie and Alan try to prepare Jake for his first day of junior high.
  • Fri 11/24
  • 9:00AM-9:30AM
  • 31
  • FX

Tight's Good

S05, E09  (First Aired: Nov. 19, 2007)
Charlie tries to resist an attraction to his soon-to-be stepsister (Jenny McCarthy).
  • Fri 11/24
  • 9:30AM-10:00AM
  • 31
  • FX

Fish in a Drawer

S05, E17  (First Aired: May. 5, 2008)
A CSI team investigates a mysterious death at Charlie's house.
  • Fri 11/24
  • 10:00AM-10:30AM
  • 31
  • FX

Looking' for Japanese Subs

S08, E14  (First Aired: Jan. 17, 2011)
Charlie begins stalking Rose (Melanie Lynskey); Alan becomes concerned when Eldridge and Jake begin videotaping dangerous stunts.
  • Fri 11/24
  • 10:30AM-11:00AM
  • 31
  • FX

That Darn Priest

S08, E16  (First Aired: Feb. 14, 2011)
Rose discovers Alan's Ponzi scheme; Alan meets Rose's ``husband''; Charlie tries to get time alone with Rose.
  • Fri 11/24
  • 11:00AM-11:30AM
  • 31
  • FX

Nice to Meet You, Walden Schmidt

S09, E01  (First Aired: Sep. 19, 2011)
After saying goodbye to the late Charlie Harper, Alan meets Walden Schmidt (Ashton Kutcher), a broken-hearted billionaire.
  • Fri 11/24
  • 11:30AM-12:00PM
  • 31
  • FX

People Who Love Peepholes

S09, E02  (First Aired: Sep. 26, 2011)
Walden's ex-wife, Bridget (Judy Greer), turns up.
  • Fri 11/24
  • 12:00PM-12:30PM
  • 31
  • FX

Why We Gave Up Women

S09, E22  (First Aired: Apr. 30, 2012)
When Alan has a heart attack, Charlie's ghost (Kathy Bates) visits him.
  • Fri 11/24
  • 12:30PM-1:00PM
  • 31
  • FX

Oh Look! Al-Qaeda!

S09, E24  (First Aired: May. 14, 2012)
Jake graduates and must decide what to do with his life.
  • Fri 11/24
  • 1:00PM-1:30PM
  • 31
  • FX

I Changed My Mind About the Milk

S10, E01  (First Aired: Sep. 27, 2012)
Walden plans a surprise for Zoey's birthday.
  • Fri 11/24
  • 1:30PM-2:00PM
  • 31
  • FX

Give Santa a Tail-Hole

S10, E11  (First Aired: Dec. 13, 2012)
Walden juggles his two identities; Alan ends up alone on Christmas.
  • Fri 11/24
  • 2:00PM-2:30PM
  • 31
  • FX

Cows, Prepare to Be Tipped

S10, E23  (First Aired: May. 9, 2013)
Walden dates an attractive 22-year-old (Hilary Duff), but ends up being more interested in her grandmother (Marilu Henner); Jake and Alan go on a trip.
  • Fri 11/24
  • 2:30PM-3:00PM
  • 31
  • FX

A Jock Strap in Hell

S06, E05  (First Aired: Oct. 20, 2008)
The guys run into Jake's former teacher (Alicia Witt) who became a stripper after a fling with Charlie; Charlie gives her a room and a job to try and help her out, but things get out of control.
  • Fri 11/24
  • 9:00PM-9:30PM
  • 6
  • KMTW

Three Fingers of Creme de Menthe

S11, E14  (First Aired: Feb. 6, 2014)
Alan finds out that Lyndsey broke up with Larry without telling him; Walden tries to prove he is a man's man.
  • Fri 11/24
  • 9:30PM-10:00PM
  • 6
  • KMTW

Tight's Good

S05, E09  (First Aired: Nov. 19, 2007)
Charlie tries to resist an attraction to his soon-to-be stepsister (Jenny McCarthy).
  • Sat 11/25
  • 3:00AM-3:30AM
  • 31
  • FX

Kinda Like Necrophilia

S05, E10  (First Aired: Nov. 26, 2007)
Alan seeks revenge when he discovers that Charlie stole his high-school girlfriend.
  • Sat 11/25
  • 3:30AM-4:00AM
  • 31
  • FX

Meander to Your Dander

S05, E11  (First Aired: Mar. 17, 2008)
Charlie offers Alan pointers on how to break up with a woman.
  • Sat 11/25
  • 7:30AM-8:00AM
  • 31
  • FX

A Little Clammy and None Too Fresh

S05, E12  (First Aired: Mar. 24, 2008)
Rose comes back from England and takes care of sick Charlie in a very strange way.
  • Sat 11/25
  • 8:00AM-8:30AM
  • 31
  • FX

The Soil Is Moist

S05, E13  (First Aired: Mar. 31, 2008)
Alan's date, who happens to be a friend of his ex, reveals a secret about Judith's sex life.
  • Sat 11/25
  • 8:30AM-9:00AM
  • 31
  • FX

Winky-Dink Time

S05, E14  (First Aired: Apr. 14, 2008)
Charlie goes with Jake on a double date and sets up Alan with a prostitute.
  • Sat 11/25
  • 9:00AM-9:30AM
  • 31
  • FX

Large Birds, Spiders and Mom

S05, E01  (First Aired: Sep. 24, 2007)
Charlie and Alan try to prepare Jake for his first day of junior high.
  • Sat 11/25
  • 8:00PM-8:30PM
  • 6
  • KMTW

Media Room Slash Dungeon

S05, E02  (First Aired: Oct. 1, 2007)
Charlie behaves strangely after an evening with his mother; Alan's date (Janeane Garofalo) reacts oddly after making love.
  • Sat 11/25
  • 8:30PM-9:00PM
  • 6
  • KMTW

Winky-Dink Time

S05, E14  (First Aired: Apr. 14, 2008)
Charlie goes with Jake on a double date and sets up Alan with a prostitute.
  • Sun 11/26
  • 2:27AM-2:57AM
  • 31
  • FX

Rough Night in Hump Junction

S05, E15  (First Aired: Apr. 21, 2008)
Alan fears that Charlie's womanizing is getting out of control.
  • Mon 11/27
  • 2:00PM-2:30PM
  • 31
  • FX

Look at Me, Mommy, I'm Pretty

S05, E16  (First Aired: Apr. 28, 2008)
Alan plans Evelyn's wedding; Charlie pursues his future stepsister.
  • Mon 11/27
  • 2:30PM-3:00PM
  • 31
  • FX

It's Always Nazi Week

S06, E06  (First Aired: Nov. 3, 2008)
When Judith kicks Herb to the curb, Alan comes knocking.
  • Mon 11/27
  • 9:00PM-9:30PM
  • 6
  • KMTW

Best H.O. Money Can Buy

S06, E07  (First Aired: Nov. 10, 2008)
Alan tries to escape Judith's clutches as Charlie and Herb go on the prowl.
  • Mon 11/27
  • 9:30PM-10:00PM
  • 6
  • KMTW

Rough Night in Hump Junction

S05, E15  (First Aired: Apr. 21, 2008)
Alan fears that Charlie's womanizing is getting out of control.
  • Tue 11/28
  • 10:30AM-11:00AM
  • 31
  • FX

Look at Me, Mommy, I'm Pretty

S05, E16  (First Aired: Apr. 28, 2008)
Alan plans Evelyn's wedding; Charlie pursues his future stepsister.
  • Tue 11/28
  • 11:00AM-11:30AM
  • 31
  • FX

Fish in a Drawer

S05, E17  (First Aired: May. 5, 2008)
A CSI team investigates a mysterious death at Charlie's house.
  • Tue 11/28
  • 2:00PM-2:30PM
  • 31
  • FX

If My Hole Could Talk

S05, E18  (First Aired: May. 12, 2008)
Charlie discovers he is attracted to an older woman who writes self-help books; Jake and Alan fight over a school assignment.
  • Tue 11/28
  • 2:30PM-3:00PM
  • 31
  • FX

Pinocchio's Mouth

S06, E08  (First Aired: Nov. 17, 2008)
Charlie has trouble adjusting when his new girlfriend asks him to spend the night at her place.
  • Tue 11/28
  • 9:00PM-9:30PM
  • 6
  • KMTW

The Mooch at the Boo

S06, E09  (First Aired: Nov. 24, 2008)
Charlie is left to cover when Jake disappears with the neighbor's daughter; Alan scores a hot date, thanks in part to Charlie's car.
  • Tue 11/28
  • 9:30PM-10:00PM
  • 6
  • KMTW

Fish in a Drawer

S05, E17  (First Aired: May. 5, 2008)
A CSI team investigates a mysterious death at Charlie's house.
  • Wed 11/29
  • 11:30AM-12:00PM
  • 31
  • FX

If My Hole Could Talk

S05, E18  (First Aired: May. 12, 2008)
Charlie discovers he is attracted to an older woman who writes self-help books; Jake and Alan fight over a school assignment.
  • Wed 11/29
  • 12:00PM-12:30PM
  • 31
  • FX

Waiting for the Right Snapper

S05, E19  (First Aired: May. 19, 2008)
Charlie tries to resist temptation when he meets the daughter of the woman he's dating and realizes they've met before.
  • Wed 11/29
  • 2:00PM-2:30PM
  • 31
  • FX

Taterhead Is Our Love Child

S06, E01  (First Aired: Sep. 22, 2008)
Charlie finds that one of his former girlfriends has a son who looks a lot like him.
  • Wed 11/29
  • 2:30PM-3:00PM
  • 31
  • FX

He Smelled the Ham, He Got Excited

S06, E10  (First Aired: Dec. 8, 2008)
When Evelyn offers to pay for Jake's college education, Alan wonders if he ever needs to work again.
  • Wed 11/29
  • 9:00PM-9:30PM
  • 6
  • KMTW

The Devil's Lube

S06, E11  (First Aired: Dec. 15, 2008)
When one of Charlie's old partners in crime dies, Charlie re-evaluates his own reckless lifestyle.
  • Wed 11/29
  • 9:30PM-10:00PM
  • 6
  • KMTW

Waiting for the Right Snapper

S05, E19  (First Aired: May. 19, 2008)
Charlie tries to resist temptation when he meets the daughter of the woman he's dating and realizes they've met before.
  • Thu 11/30
  • 11:30AM-12:00PM
  • 31
  • FX

Taterhead Is Our Love Child

S06, E01  (First Aired: Sep. 22, 2008)
Charlie finds that one of his former girlfriends has a son who looks a lot like him.
  • Thu 11/30
  • 12:00PM-12:30PM
  • 31
  • FX

Pie Hole, Herb

S06, E02  (First Aired: Sep. 29, 2008)
Alan crosses a line when he tries to get back money that he lent Charlie.
  • Thu 11/30
  • 2:00PM-2:30PM
  • 31
  • FX

Damn You, Eggs Benedict

S06, E03  (First Aired: Oct. 6, 2008)
Charlie attempts to cook, Alan tries to date two women at the same time, and Jake samples beer.
  • Thu 11/30
  • 2:30PM-3:00PM
  • 31
  • FX

Thank God for Scoliosis

S06, E12  (First Aired: Jan. 12, 2009)
Charlie and Jake fight for the affections of a waitress, while Alan fights sexual tension with his receptionist.
  • Thu 11/30
  • 9:00PM-9:30PM
  • 6
  • KMTW

Cab Fare and a Bottle of Penicillin

S11, E15  (First Aired: Feb. 27, 2014)
Alan asks Lyndsey to choose between him and Larry; Jenny worries that she and Brooke are growing apart.
  • Thu 11/30
  • 9:30PM-10:00PM
  • 6
  • KMTW

Pie Hole, Herb

S06, E02  (First Aired: Sep. 29, 2008)
Alan crosses a line when he tries to get back money that he lent Charlie.
  • Fri 12/1
  • 11:30AM-12:00PM
  • 31
  • FX

Damn You, Eggs Benedict

S06, E03  (First Aired: Oct. 6, 2008)
Charlie attempts to cook, Alan tries to date two women at the same time, and Jake samples beer.
  • Fri 12/1
  • 12:00PM-12:30PM
  • 31
  • FX

The Flavin' and the Mavin

S06, E04  (First Aired: Oct. 13, 2008)
Alan awaits disaster as Charlie romances Alan's sweet receptionist.
  • Fri 12/1
  • 3:30PM-4:00PM
  • 31
  • FX

A Jock Strap in Hell

S06, E05  (First Aired: Oct. 20, 2008)
The guys run into Jake's former teacher (Alicia Witt) who became a stripper after a fling with Charlie; Charlie gives her a room and a job to try and help her out, but things get out of control.
  • Fri 12/1
  • 4:00PM-4:30PM
  • 31
  • FX

I Think You Offended Don

S06, E13  (First Aired: Jan. 19, 2009)
Judith is pregnant with a baby girl, and Alan is convinced he is the father; Jake is in a contentious mood, and Charlie thinks he knows why.
  • Fri 12/1
  • 9:00PM-9:30PM
  • 6
  • KMTW

How to Get Rid of Alan Harper

S11, E16  (First Aired: Mar. 6, 2014)
Walden thinks his girlfriend is cheating on him; Alan starts dating Larry's sister, Gretchen (Kimberly Williams-Paisley).
  • Fri 12/1
  • 9:30PM-10:00PM
  • 6
  • KMTW

It's Always Nazi Week

S06, E06  (First Aired: Nov. 3, 2008)
When Judith kicks Herb to the curb, Alan comes knocking.
  • Sat 12/2
  • 6:00AM-6:30AM
  • 31
  • FX

Best H.O. Money Can Buy

S06, E07  (First Aired: Nov. 10, 2008)
Alan tries to escape Judith's clutches as Charlie and Herb go on the prowl.
  • Sat 12/2
  • 6:30AM-7:00AM
  • 31
  • FX

Pinocchio's Mouth

S06, E08  (First Aired: Nov. 17, 2008)
Charlie has trouble adjusting when his new girlfriend asks him to spend the night at her place.
  • Sat 12/2
  • 7:00AM-7:30AM
  • 31
  • FX

The Mooch at the Boo

S06, E09  (First Aired: Nov. 24, 2008)
Charlie is left to cover when Jake disappears with the neighbor's daughter; Alan scores a hot date, thanks in part to Charlie's car.
  • Sat 12/2
  • 7:30AM-8:00AM
  • 31
  • FX

Putting Swim Fins on a Cat

S05, E05  (First Aired: Oct. 22, 2007)
Charlie has to entertain his girlfriend's 4-year-old son; Alan becomes a human guinea pig.
  • Sat 12/2
  • 8:00PM-8:30PM
  • 6
  • KMTW

Help Daddy Find His Toenail

S05, E06  (First Aired: Oct. 29, 2007)
Charlie's girlfriend is embarrassed to be seen with him; Jake sneaks out to go to a concert.
  • Sat 12/2
  • 8:30PM-9:00PM
  • 6
  • KMTW