TV Listings

Print HELP
Cox Communications - Cable (67501)
Two and a Half Men

Two and a Half Men

Genre: Sitcom

Chiropractor and single father Alan Harper lives in a beachfront house with divorced Internet billionaire Walden Schmidt, who bought the house following the untimely death of Alan's brother, Charlie. As they acclimate to their living arrangement, the tightly wound Alan finds himself taking on a mentor role with Walden, whose lifelong dependence on being taken care of has left him a bit naive. Despite his unsuccessful romantic history, Alan also tries to help Walden overcome his limited experiences with dating. Berta, a sharp-tongued, unapologetic housekeeper, is also featured in the series.
  • Rate this show:
    2.5 / 5.0
    Avg. 2.5 (12,263 ratings)
  • Share

All Upcoming Times for Two and a Half Men

Episode Air Date Channel

Gorp. Fnark. Schmegle.

S07, E08  (First Aired: Nov. 16, 2009)
Chelsea tries to help her beautiful college roommate get over a bad breakup.
  • Thu 5/26
  • 11:00AM-11:30AM
  • 31
  • FX

Captain Terry's Spray-On Hair

S07, E09  (First Aired: Nov. 23, 2009)
Charlie discovers he has not been satisfying Chelsea; Alan attempts to cure his thinning hair without spending much money.
  • Thu 5/26
  • 11:30AM-12:00PM
  • 31
  • FX

That's Why They Call It Ball Room

S07, E10  (First Aired: Dec. 7, 2009)
Charlie discovers that Chelsea has not been completely honest about her finances.
  • Thu 5/26
  • 2:00PM-2:30PM
  • 31
  • FX

Warning, It's Dirty

S07, E11  (First Aired: Dec. 14, 2009)
Charlie coaches Jake on the art of infidelity while his girlfriend is away for Christmas.
  • Thu 5/26
  • 2:30PM-3:00PM
  • 31
  • FX

Kissing Abraham Lincoln

S04, E10  (First Aired: Nov. 27, 2006)
Charlie must choose between his girlfriend and his housekeeper; Alan looks to sell Kandi's condo, but sex keeps getting in the way.
  • Thu 5/26
  • 9:00PM-9:30PM
  • 6
  • KMTW

Cab Fare and a Bottle of Penicillin

S11, E15  (First Aired: Feb. 27, 2014)
Alan asks Lyndsey to choose between him and Larry; Jenny worries that she and Brooke are growing apart.
  • Thu 5/26
  • 9:30PM-10:00PM
  • 6
  • KMTW

That's Why They Call It Ball Room

S07, E10  (First Aired: Dec. 7, 2009)
Charlie discovers that Chelsea has not been completely honest about her finances.
  • Fri 5/27
  • 9:30AM-10:00AM
  • 31
  • FX

Warning, It's Dirty

S07, E11  (First Aired: Dec. 14, 2009)
Charlie coaches Jake on the art of infidelity while his girlfriend is away for Christmas.
  • Fri 5/27
  • 10:00AM-10:30AM
  • 31
  • FX

Fart Jokes, Pie and Celeste

S07, E12  (First Aired: Jan. 11, 2010)
Jake writes love songs to woo his ex-girlfriend; Herb and Alan hide their secret friendship from Judith.
  • Fri 5/27
  • 3:00PM-3:30PM
  • 31
  • FX

Yay, No Polyps!

S07, E13  (First Aired: Jan. 18, 2010)
Charlie undergoes a colonoscopy to avoid a trip to see Chelsea's bigoted parents, but he finds them in his living room when he returns home.
  • Fri 5/27
  • 3:30PM-4:00PM
  • 31
  • FX

Castrating Sheep in Montana

S04, E12  (First Aired: Jan. 8, 2007)
Berta learns that Alan has been dating her daughter (Sara Rue).
  • Fri 5/27
  • 9:00PM-9:30PM
  • 6
  • KMTW

How to Get Rid of Alan Harper

S11, E16  (First Aired: Mar. 6, 2014)
Walden thinks his girlfriend is cheating on him; Alan starts dating Larry's sister, Gretchen (Kimberly Williams-Paisley).
  • Fri 5/27
  • 9:30PM-10:00PM
  • 6
  • KMTW

Crude and Uncalled For

S07, E14  (First Aired: Feb. 1, 2010)
A bar fight lands Alan in jail; Charlie worries that Chelsea is interested in the lawyer who takes Alan's case.
  • Sat 5/28
  • 9:00AM-9:30AM
  • 31
  • FX

Aye, Aye, Captain

S07, E15  (First Aired: Feb. 8, 2010)
Charlie's relationship with Chelsea is threatened by his jealousy.
  • Sat 5/28
  • 9:30AM-10:00AM
  • 31
  • FX

Tinkle Like a Princess

S07, E16  (First Aired: Mar. 1, 2010)
After running off to Las Vegas, Charlie returns with a new wife.
  • Sat 5/28
  • 10:00AM-10:30AM
  • 31
  • FX

I Found Your Mustache

S07, E17  (First Aired: Mar. 8, 2010)
Charlie and Chelsea have a post-breakup one-night stand.
  • Sat 5/28
  • 10:30AM-11:00AM
  • 31
  • FX

City of Great Racks

S05, E04  (First Aired: Oct. 15, 2007)
Although Charlie is getting closer to Linda, he begins to see Rose's face wherever he looks.
  • Sat 5/28
  • 8:00PM-8:30PM
  • 6
  • KMTW

Putting Swim Fins on a Cat

S05, E05  (First Aired: Oct. 22, 2007)
Charlie has to entertain his girlfriend's 4-year-old son; Alan becomes a human guinea pig.
  • Sat 5/28
  • 8:30PM-9:00PM
  • 6
  • KMTW

Help Daddy Find His Toenail

S05, E06  (First Aired: Oct. 29, 2007)
Charlie's girlfriend is embarrassed to be seen with him; Jake sneaks out to go to a concert.
  • Sat 5/28
  • 9:00PM-9:30PM
  • 6
  • KMTW

Our Leather Gear Is in the Guest Room

S05, E07  (First Aired: Nov. 5, 2007)
Charlie and Alan butt heads over Alan's place in the house, prompting Alan and Jake to move in with Evelyn.
  • Sat 5/28
  • 9:30PM-10:00PM
  • 6
  • KMTW

Aye, Aye, Captain

S07, E15  (First Aired: Feb. 8, 2010)
Charlie's relationship with Chelsea is threatened by his jealousy.
  • Sun 5/29
  • 1:30AM-2:00AM
  • 31
  • FX

Tinkle Like a Princess

S07, E16  (First Aired: Mar. 1, 2010)
After running off to Las Vegas, Charlie returns with a new wife.
  • Sun 5/29
  • 2:00AM-2:30AM
  • 31
  • FX

I Found Your Mustache

S07, E17  (First Aired: Mar. 8, 2010)
Charlie and Chelsea have a post-breakup one-night stand.
  • Sun 5/29
  • 3:30AM-4:00AM
  • 31
  • FX

Don't Worry, Speed Racer

S04, E13  (First Aired: Jan. 22, 2007)
When Jake tells Charlie and Alan that he often overhears Judith and Herb (Ryan Stiles) making out, it triggers a repressed memory for Charlie.
  • Mon 5/30
  • 9:00PM-9:30PM
  • 6
  • KMTW

That's Summer Sausage, Not Salami

S04, E14  (First Aired: Feb. 5, 2007)
Charlie has second thoughts after setting Alan up with their new neighbor (guest star Brooke Shields).
  • Mon 5/30
  • 9:30PM-10:00PM
  • 6
  • KMTW

Ixnay on the Oggie Day

S07, E18  (First Aired: Mar. 22, 2010)
Charlie has a return engagement with Gail (Tricia Helfer), Chelsea's best friend; Alan has a surprising effect on a female patient.
  • Tue 5/31
  • 12:00AM-12:30AM
  • 31
  • FX

Keith Moon Is Vomiting in His Grave

S07, E19  (First Aired: Apr. 12, 2010)
Jake's new friend, Eldridge, is a bad influence; Alan likes Eldrigdge's attractive mother (Courtney Thorne-Smith).
  • Tue 5/31
  • 12:30AM-1:00AM
  • 31
  • FX

Ixnay on the Oggie Day

S07, E18  (First Aired: Mar. 22, 2010)
Charlie has a return engagement with Gail (Tricia Helfer), Chelsea's best friend; Alan has a surprising effect on a female patient.
  • Tue 5/31
  • 11:30AM-12:00PM
  • 31
  • FX

Keith Moon Is Vomiting in His Grave

S07, E19  (First Aired: Apr. 12, 2010)
Jake's new friend, Eldridge, is a bad influence; Alan likes Eldrigdge's attractive mother (Courtney Thorne-Smith).
  • Tue 5/31
  • 12:00PM-12:30PM
  • 31
  • FX

I Called Him Magoo

S07, E20  (First Aired: May. 10, 2010)
Alan tries for an intimate night at a hotel with his new girlfriend; Charlie tries his own approach to get the ``girlfriend experience.''
  • Tue 5/31
  • 2:30PM-3:00PM
  • 31
  • FX

Gumby With a Pokey

S07, E21  (First Aired: May. 17, 2010)
While Alan and Jake are away on a road trip, Charlie is visited by the ghosts of his ex-girlfriends.
  • Tue 5/31
  • 3:00PM-3:30PM
  • 31
  • FX

My Damn Stalker

S04, E15  (First Aired: Feb. 12, 2007)
Charlie must face his feelings when Rose announces she is moving to London; Alan fudges his online dating profile, only to wind up with a fellow profile-embellisher (Allison Janney).
  • Tue 5/31
  • 9:00PM-9:30PM
  • 6
  • KMTW

Young People Have Phlegm Too

S04, E16  (First Aired: Feb. 19, 2007)
A more mature woman (Morgan Fairchild) helps rebuild Charlie's ego after he becomes insecure about his age.
  • Tue 5/31
  • 9:30PM-10:00PM
  • 6
  • KMTW

I Called Him Magoo

S07, E20  (First Aired: May. 10, 2010)
Alan tries for an intimate night at a hotel with his new girlfriend; Charlie tries his own approach to get the ``girlfriend experience.''
  • Wed 6/1
  • 10:30AM-11:00AM
  • 31
  • FX

Gumby With a Pokey

S07, E21  (First Aired: May. 17, 2010)
While Alan and Jake are away on a road trip, Charlie is visited by the ghosts of his ex-girlfriends.
  • Wed 6/1
  • 11:00AM-11:30AM
  • 31
  • FX

This Is Not Gonna End Well

S07, E22  (First Aired: May. 24, 2010)
After Charlie's license is suspended, Jake becomes his driver; Alan plans to go to Chelsea's birthday party.
  • Wed 6/1
  • 2:00PM-2:30PM
  • 31
  • FX

Three Girls and a Guy Named Bud

S08, E01  (First Aired: Sep. 20, 2010)
Jake goes to live with Judith and Herb after learning that Alan has been dating Eldridge's mom; Charlie decides to cut back on his drinking.
  • Wed 6/1
  • 2:30PM-3:00PM
  • 31
  • FX

I Merely Slept With a Commie

S04, E17  (First Aired: Feb. 26, 2007)
Evelyn makes Charlie and Alan regret saying that she will not have any mourners at her funeral.
  • Wed 6/1
  • 9:00PM-9:30PM
  • 6
  • KMTW

It Never Rains in Hooterville

S04, E18  (First Aired: Mar. 19, 2007)
After realizing that Jake's childhood is almost over, Alan makes a last-minute try at father-son bonding; Kandi embarks on a new career.
  • Wed 6/1
  • 9:30PM-10:00PM
  • 6
  • KMTW

This Is Not Gonna End Well

S07, E22  (First Aired: May. 24, 2010)
After Charlie's license is suspended, Jake becomes his driver; Alan plans to go to Chelsea's birthday party.
  • Thu 6/2
  • 10:30AM-11:00AM
  • 31
  • FX

Three Girls and a Guy Named Bud

S08, E01  (First Aired: Sep. 20, 2010)
Jake goes to live with Judith and Herb after learning that Alan has been dating Eldridge's mom; Charlie decides to cut back on his drinking.
  • Thu 6/2
  • 11:00AM-11:30AM
  • 31
  • FX

A Bottle of Wine and a Jackhammer

S08, E02  (First Aired: Sep. 27, 2010)
When Lindsey asks Alan to move in with her, Charlie will do anything to get him to agree to it.
  • Thu 6/2
  • 3:00PM-3:30PM
  • 31
  • FX

A Pudding-Filled Cactus

S08, E03  (First Aired: Oct. 4, 2010)
After moving in with Lyndsey, Alan continues to have a rendezvous with Melissa at Charlie's house.
  • Thu 6/2
  • 3:30PM-4:00PM
  • 31
  • FX

Smooth as a Ken Doll

S04, E19  (First Aired: Apr. 9, 2007)
Charlie gets close to Herb's witty sister, as Judith and Herb's wedding nears.
  • Thu 6/2
  • 9:00PM-9:30PM
  • 6
  • KMTW

Welcome Home, Jake

S11, E17  (First Aired: Mar. 13, 2014)
Lyndsey finds out about Alan's relationship with Gretchen; Walden has a difficult time telling Barry to find his own place.
  • Thu 6/2
  • 9:30PM-10:00PM
  • 6
  • KMTW

A Bottle of Wine and a Jackhammer

S08, E02  (First Aired: Sep. 27, 2010)
When Lindsey asks Alan to move in with her, Charlie will do anything to get him to agree to it.
  • Fri 6/3
  • 10:00AM-10:30AM
  • 31
  • FX

A Pudding-Filled Cactus

S08, E03  (First Aired: Oct. 4, 2010)
After moving in with Lyndsey, Alan continues to have a rendezvous with Melissa at Charlie's house.
  • Fri 6/3
  • 10:30AM-11:00AM
  • 31
  • FX

Hookers, Hookers, Hookers

S08, E04  (First Aired: Oct. 11, 2010)
Lyndsey and Eldridge move into Charlie's house after their home burns down.
  • Fri 6/3
  • 3:00PM-3:30PM
  • 31
  • FX

The Immortal Mr. Billy Joel

S08, E05  (First Aired: Oct. 18, 2010)
Alan pretends to be Charlie when he goes out on the town; Charlie sneaks off for cosmetic surgery.
  • Fri 6/3
  • 3:30PM-4:00PM
  • 31
  • FX

Aunt Myra Doesn't Pee a Lot

S04, E20  (First Aired: Apr. 16, 2007)
Alan prepares Jake for Judith's wedding; Charlie continues his fling with Herb's sister.
  • Fri 6/3
  • 9:00PM-9:30PM
  • 6
  • KMTW

West Side Story

S11, E18  (First Aired: Apr. 3, 2014)
Walden's ex-girlfriend invites him to her boutique opening; Gretchen hopes to spend more time at Alan's home.
  • Fri 6/3
  • 9:30PM-10:00PM
  • 6
  • KMTW

Twanging Your Magic Clanger

S08, E06  (First Aired: Oct. 25, 2010)
Charlie has difficulty dealing with dating a slightly older woman.
  • Sat 6/4
  • 7:00AM-7:30AM
  • 31
  • FX

The Crazy Bitch Gazette

S08, E07  (First Aired: Nov. 1, 2010)
Charlie's girlfriend gets fed up with his stalker, Rose.
  • Sat 6/4
  • 7:30AM-8:00AM
  • 31
  • FX

Springtime on a Stick

S08, E08  (First Aired: Nov. 8, 2010)
Charlie and Alan try to set Evelyn up with the pharmacist, Russell.
  • Sat 6/4
  • 8:00AM-8:30AM
  • 31
  • FX

A Good Time in Central Africa

S08, E09  (First Aired: Nov. 15, 2010)
Charlie falls for the woman who replaces Berta on her days off; Alan thinks Lyndsey's ex-husband is stalking him.
  • Sat 6/4
  • 8:30AM-9:00AM
  • 31
  • FX

Is There a Mrs. Waffles?

S05, E08  (First Aired: Nov. 12, 2007)
Charlie finds success as a children's singing star, which makes Alan miserable.
  • Sat 6/4
  • 8:00PM-8:30PM
  • 6
  • KMTW

Tight's Good

S05, E09  (First Aired: Nov. 19, 2007)
Charlie tries to resist an attraction to his soon-to-be stepsister (Jenny McCarthy).
  • Sat 6/4
  • 8:30PM-9:00PM
  • 6
  • KMTW

Kinda Like Necrophilia

S05, E10  (First Aired: Nov. 26, 2007)
Alan seeks revenge when he discovers that Charlie stole his high-school girlfriend.
  • Sat 6/4
  • 9:00PM-9:30PM
  • 6
  • KMTW

Meander to Your Dander

S05, E11  (First Aired: Mar. 17, 2008)
Charlie offers Alan pointers on how to break up with a woman.
  • Sat 6/4
  • 9:30PM-10:00PM
  • 6
  • KMTW

Twanging Your Magic Clanger

S08, E06  (First Aired: Oct. 25, 2010)
Charlie has difficulty dealing with dating a slightly older woman.
  • Sun 6/5
  • 1:00AM-1:30AM
  • 31
  • FX

The Crazy Bitch Gazette

S08, E07  (First Aired: Nov. 1, 2010)
Charlie's girlfriend gets fed up with his stalker, Rose.
  • Sun 6/5
  • 1:30AM-2:00AM
  • 31
  • FX

Springtime on a Stick

S08, E08  (First Aired: Nov. 8, 2010)
Charlie and Alan try to set Evelyn up with the pharmacist, Russell.
  • Sun 6/5
  • 3:00AM-3:30AM
  • 31
  • FX

A Good Time in Central Africa

S08, E09  (First Aired: Nov. 15, 2010)
Charlie falls for the woman who replaces Berta on her days off; Alan thinks Lyndsey's ex-husband is stalking him.
  • Sun 6/5
  • 3:30AM-4:00AM
  • 31
  • FX

Ow, Ow, Don't Stop

S08, E10  (First Aired: Nov. 22, 2010)
Charlie goes on a spending spree for old fling Courtney when she shows up after being in prison for three years.
  • Mon 6/6
  • 2:00PM-2:30PM
  • 31
  • FX

Dead From the Waist Down

S08, E11  (First Aired: Dec. 6, 2010)
Ashamed that he can't afford to buy a birthday present for Lyndsey, Alan gets creative.
  • Mon 6/6
  • 2:30PM-3:00PM
  • 31
  • FX

No Episode Title

(First Aired: Sep. 22, 2003)
The social interactions of a group of misfits, including a divorcee and an Internet billionaire.
  • Mon 6/6
  • 9:00PM-9:30PM
  • 6
  • KMTW
  •  
  • 9:30PM-10:00PM
  • 6
  • KMTW

Ow, Ow, Don't Stop

S08, E10  (First Aired: Nov. 22, 2010)
Charlie goes on a spending spree for old fling Courtney when she shows up after being in prison for three years.
  • Tue 6/7
  • 11:00AM-11:30AM
  • 31
  • FX

Dead From the Waist Down

S08, E11  (First Aired: Dec. 6, 2010)
Ashamed that he can't afford to buy a birthday present for Lyndsey, Alan gets creative.
  • Tue 6/7
  • 11:30AM-12:00PM
  • 31
  • FX

Chocolate Diddlers or My Puppy's Dead

S08, E12  (First Aired: Dec. 13, 2010)
Depressed after his breakup from Courtney (Jenny McCarthy), Charlie goes to see his psychiatrist (Jane Lynch).
  • Tue 6/7
  • 2:00PM-2:30PM
  • 31
  • FX

Skunk, Dog Crap and Ketchup

S08, E13  (First Aired: Jan. 3, 2011)
Alan feels paranoid when Lyndsey becomes friendly with Charlie.
  • Tue 6/7
  • 2:30PM-3:00PM
  • 31
  • FX

No Episode Title

(First Aired: Sep. 22, 2003)
The social interactions of a group of misfits, including a divorcee and an Internet billionaire.
  • Tue 6/7
  • 9:00PM-9:30PM
  • 6
  • KMTW
  •  
  • 9:30PM-10:00PM
  • 6
  • KMTW

Chocolate Diddlers or My Puppy's Dead

S08, E12  (First Aired: Dec. 13, 2010)
Depressed after his breakup from Courtney (Jenny McCarthy), Charlie goes to see his psychiatrist (Jane Lynch).
  • Wed 6/8
  • 10:30AM-11:00AM
  • 31
  • FX

Skunk, Dog Crap and Ketchup

S08, E13  (First Aired: Jan. 3, 2011)
Alan feels paranoid when Lyndsey becomes friendly with Charlie.
  • Wed 6/8
  • 11:00AM-11:30AM
  • 31
  • FX

Looking' for Japanese Subs

S08, E14  (First Aired: Jan. 17, 2011)
Charlie begins stalking Rose (Melanie Lynskey); Alan becomes concerned when Eldridge and Jake begin videotaping dangerous stunts.
  • Wed 6/8
  • 2:00PM-2:30PM
  • 31
  • FX

Three Hookers and a Philly Cheesesteak

S08, E15  (First Aired: Feb. 7, 2011)
Charlie and Rose continue their affair; Alan's business becomes a Ponzi scheme.
  • Wed 6/8
  • 2:30PM-3:00PM
  • 31
  • FX