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Two and a Half Men

Two and a Half Men

Genre: Sitcom

Chiropractor and single father Alan Harper lives in a beachfront house with divorced Internet billionaire Walden Schmidt, who bought the house following the untimely death of Alan's brother, Charlie. As they acclimate to their living arrangement, the tightly wound Alan finds himself taking on a mentor role with Walden, whose lifelong dependence on being taken care of has left him a bit naive. Despite his unsuccessful romantic history, Alan also tries to help Walden overcome his limited experiences with dating. Berta, a sharp-tongued, unapologetic housekeeper, is also featured in the series.
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    2.5 / 5.0
    Avg. 2.5 (12,263 ratings)
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All Upcoming Times for Two and a Half Men

Episode Air Date Channel

Mmm, Fish. Yum

S07, E03  (First Aired: Oct. 5, 2009)
Alan cares for Judith's baby and her tipsy mother; Jake uses an incriminating picture to blackmail Charlie.
  • Sat 4/29
  • 9:00AM-9:30AM
  • 31
  • FX

Laxative Tester, Horse Inseminator

S07, E04  (First Aired: Oct. 12, 2009)
Alan takes a job working for Evelyn; Charlie must mend Chelsea and Jake's rocky relationship.
  • Sat 4/29
  • 9:30AM-10:00AM
  • 31
  • FX

For the Sake of the Child

S07, E05  (First Aired: Oct. 19, 2009)
After they embarrass him in public, Jake refuses to stay with Charlie and Alan.
  • Sat 4/29
  • 10:00AM-10:30AM
  • 31
  • FX

Give Me Your Thumb

S07, E06  (First Aired: Nov. 2, 2009)
Alan suggests that Chelsea get breast-reduction surgery, and Charlie kicks him out.
  • Sat 4/29
  • 10:30AM-11:00AM
  • 31
  • FX

Pilot

S01, E01  (First Aired: Sep. 22, 2003)
Charlie's life turns upside down when his brother and nephew move in; at the supermarket, Charlie discovers he can use 10-year-old Jake to attract women.
  • Sat 4/29
  • 8:00PM-8:30PM
  • 6
  • KMTW

Big Flappy Bastards

S01, E02  (First Aired: Sep. 29, 2003)
Charlie doesn't know how to discipline Jake for luring a flock of sea gulls into his room; Judith surprises Alan when he goes home to fix her sprinklers.
  • Sat 4/29
  • 8:30PM-9:00PM
  • 6
  • KMTW

For the Sake of the Child

S07, E05  (First Aired: Oct. 19, 2009)
After they embarrass him in public, Jake refuses to stay with Charlie and Alan.
  • Sun 4/30
  • 2:07AM-2:37AM
  • 31
  • FX

Untainted by Filth

S07, E07  (First Aired: Nov. 9, 2009)
Charlie and Alan wake up together in bed with a strange woman.
  • Mon 5/1
  • 2:00PM-2:30PM
  • 31
  • FX

Gorp. Fnark. Schmegle.

S07, E08  (First Aired: Nov. 16, 2009)
Chelsea tries to help her beautiful college roommate get over a bad breakup.
  • Mon 5/1
  • 2:30PM-3:00PM
  • 31
  • FX

Yay, No Polyps!

S07, E13  (First Aired: Jan. 18, 2010)
Charlie undergoes a colonoscopy to avoid a trip to see Chelsea's bigoted parents, but he finds them in his living room when he returns home.
  • Mon 5/1
  • 9:00PM-9:30PM
  • 6
  • KMTW

Crude and Uncalled For

S07, E14  (First Aired: Feb. 1, 2010)
A bar fight lands Alan in jail; Charlie worries that Chelsea is interested in the lawyer who takes Alan's case.
  • Mon 5/1
  • 9:30PM-10:00PM
  • 6
  • KMTW

Untainted by Filth

S07, E07  (First Aired: Nov. 9, 2009)
Charlie and Alan wake up together in bed with a strange woman.
  • Tue 5/2
  • 11:30AM-12:00PM
  • 31
  • FX

Gorp. Fnark. Schmegle.

S07, E08  (First Aired: Nov. 16, 2009)
Chelsea tries to help her beautiful college roommate get over a bad breakup.
  • Tue 5/2
  • 12:00PM-12:30PM
  • 31
  • FX

Captain Terry's Spray-On Hair

S07, E09  (First Aired: Nov. 23, 2009)
Charlie discovers he has not been satisfying Chelsea; Alan attempts to cure his thinning hair without spending much money.
  • Tue 5/2
  • 2:00PM-2:30PM
  • 31
  • FX

That's Why They Call It Ball Room

S07, E10  (First Aired: Dec. 7, 2009)
Charlie discovers that Chelsea has not been completely honest about her finances.
  • Tue 5/2
  • 2:30PM-3:00PM
  • 31
  • FX

Aye, Aye, Captain

S07, E15  (First Aired: Feb. 8, 2010)
Charlie's relationship with Chelsea is threatened by his jealousy.
  • Tue 5/2
  • 9:00PM-9:30PM
  • 6
  • KMTW

Tinkle Like a Princess

S07, E16  (First Aired: Mar. 1, 2010)
After running off to Las Vegas, Charlie returns with a new wife.
  • Tue 5/2
  • 9:30PM-10:00PM
  • 6
  • KMTW

Captain Terry's Spray-On Hair

S07, E09  (First Aired: Nov. 23, 2009)
Charlie discovers he has not been satisfying Chelsea; Alan attempts to cure his thinning hair without spending much money.
  • Wed 5/3
  • 10:30AM-11:00AM
  • 31
  • FX

That's Why They Call It Ball Room

S07, E10  (First Aired: Dec. 7, 2009)
Charlie discovers that Chelsea has not been completely honest about her finances.
  • Wed 5/3
  • 11:00AM-11:30AM
  • 31
  • FX

Warning, It's Dirty

S07, E11  (First Aired: Dec. 14, 2009)
Charlie coaches Jake on the art of infidelity while his girlfriend is away for Christmas.
  • Wed 5/3
  • 2:00PM-2:30PM
  • 31
  • FX

Fart Jokes, Pie and Celeste

S07, E12  (First Aired: Jan. 11, 2010)
Jake writes love songs to woo his ex-girlfriend; Herb and Alan hide their secret friendship from Judith.
  • Wed 5/3
  • 2:30PM-3:00PM
  • 31
  • FX

I Found Your Mustache

S07, E17  (First Aired: Mar. 8, 2010)
Charlie and Chelsea have a post-breakup one-night stand.
  • Wed 5/3
  • 9:00PM-9:30PM
  • 6
  • KMTW

Ixnay on the Oggie Day

S07, E18  (First Aired: Mar. 22, 2010)
Charlie has a return engagement with Gail (Tricia Helfer), Chelsea's best friend; Alan has a surprising effect on a female patient.
  • Wed 5/3
  • 9:30PM-10:00PM
  • 6
  • KMTW

Warning, It's Dirty

S07, E11  (First Aired: Dec. 14, 2009)
Charlie coaches Jake on the art of infidelity while his girlfriend is away for Christmas.
  • Thu 5/4
  • 10:30AM-11:00AM
  • 31
  • FX

Fart Jokes, Pie and Celeste

S07, E12  (First Aired: Jan. 11, 2010)
Jake writes love songs to woo his ex-girlfriend; Herb and Alan hide their secret friendship from Judith.
  • Thu 5/4
  • 11:00AM-11:30AM
  • 31
  • FX

Yay, No Polyps!

S07, E13  (First Aired: Jan. 18, 2010)
Charlie undergoes a colonoscopy to avoid a trip to see Chelsea's bigoted parents, but he finds them in his living room when he returns home.
  • Thu 5/4
  • 2:00PM-2:30PM
  • 31
  • FX

Crude and Uncalled For

S07, E14  (First Aired: Feb. 1, 2010)
A bar fight lands Alan in jail; Charlie worries that Chelsea is interested in the lawyer who takes Alan's case.
  • Thu 5/4
  • 2:30PM-3:00PM
  • 31
  • FX

Keith Moon Is Vomiting in His Grave

S07, E19  (First Aired: Apr. 12, 2010)
Jake's new friend, Eldridge, is a bad influence; Alan likes Eldrigdge's attractive mother (Courtney Thorne-Smith).
  • Thu 5/4
  • 9:00PM-9:30PM
  • 6
  • KMTW

I Called Him Magoo

S07, E20  (First Aired: May. 10, 2010)
Alan tries for an intimate night at a hotel with his new girlfriend; Charlie tries his own approach to get the ``girlfriend experience.''
  • Thu 5/4
  • 9:30PM-10:00PM
  • 6
  • KMTW

Yay, No Polyps!

S07, E13  (First Aired: Jan. 18, 2010)
Charlie undergoes a colonoscopy to avoid a trip to see Chelsea's bigoted parents, but he finds them in his living room when he returns home.
  • Fri 5/5
  • 10:00AM-10:30AM
  • 31
  • FX

Crude and Uncalled For

S07, E14  (First Aired: Feb. 1, 2010)
A bar fight lands Alan in jail; Charlie worries that Chelsea is interested in the lawyer who takes Alan's case.
  • Fri 5/5
  • 10:30AM-11:00AM
  • 31
  • FX

Aye, Aye, Captain

S07, E15  (First Aired: Feb. 8, 2010)
Charlie's relationship with Chelsea is threatened by his jealousy.
  • Fri 5/5
  • 3:30PM-4:00PM
  • 31
  • FX

Tinkle Like a Princess

S07, E16  (First Aired: Mar. 1, 2010)
After running off to Las Vegas, Charlie returns with a new wife.
  • Fri 5/5
  • 4:00PM-4:30PM
  • 31
  • FX

Gumby With a Pokey

S07, E21  (First Aired: May. 17, 2010)
While Alan and Jake are away on a road trip, Charlie is visited by the ghosts of his ex-girlfriends.
  • Fri 5/5
  • 9:00PM-9:30PM
  • 6
  • KMTW

This Is Not Gonna End Well

S07, E22  (First Aired: May. 24, 2010)
After Charlie's license is suspended, Jake becomes his driver; Alan plans to go to Chelsea's birthday party.
  • Fri 5/5
  • 9:30PM-10:00PM
  • 6
  • KMTW

I Found Your Mustache

S07, E17  (First Aired: Mar. 8, 2010)
Charlie and Chelsea have a post-breakup one-night stand.
  • Sat 5/6
  • 6:00AM-6:30AM
  • 31
  • FX

Ixnay on the Oggie Day

S07, E18  (First Aired: Mar. 22, 2010)
Charlie has a return engagement with Gail (Tricia Helfer), Chelsea's best friend; Alan has a surprising effect on a female patient.
  • Sat 5/6
  • 6:30AM-7:00AM
  • 31
  • FX

Keith Moon Is Vomiting in His Grave

S07, E19  (First Aired: Apr. 12, 2010)
Jake's new friend, Eldridge, is a bad influence; Alan likes Eldrigdge's attractive mother (Courtney Thorne-Smith).
  • Sat 5/6
  • 7:00AM-7:30AM
  • 31
  • FX

I Called Him Magoo

S07, E20  (First Aired: May. 10, 2010)
Alan tries for an intimate night at a hotel with his new girlfriend; Charlie tries his own approach to get the ``girlfriend experience.''
  • Sat 5/6
  • 7:30AM-8:00AM
  • 31
  • FX

The Last Thing You Want Is to Wind Up With a Hump

S01, E05  (First Aired: Oct. 20, 2003)
Charlie and Alan meet several women while attending one of Jake's soccer games.
  • Sat 5/6
  • 8:00PM-8:30PM
  • 6
  • KMTW

Did You Check With the Captain of the Flying Monkeys?

S01, E06  (First Aired: Oct. 27, 2003)
After Evelyn's new beau dumps her, Charlie and Alan enlist Jake to cheer her up; Charlie teaches Jake a lesson about screening telephone calls from women.
  • Sat 5/6
  • 8:30PM-9:00PM
  • 6
  • KMTW

Gumby With a Pokey

S07, E21  (First Aired: May. 17, 2010)
While Alan and Jake are away on a road trip, Charlie is visited by the ghosts of his ex-girlfriends.
  • Mon 5/8
  • 2:00PM-2:30PM
  • 31
  • FX

This Is Not Gonna End Well

S07, E22  (First Aired: May. 24, 2010)
After Charlie's license is suspended, Jake becomes his driver; Alan plans to go to Chelsea's birthday party.
  • Mon 5/8
  • 2:30PM-3:00PM
  • 31
  • FX

Three Girls and a Guy Named Bud

S08, E01  (First Aired: Sep. 20, 2010)
Jake goes to live with Judith and Herb after learning that Alan has been dating Eldridge's mom; Charlie decides to cut back on his drinking.
  • Mon 5/8
  • 9:00PM-9:30PM
  • 6
  • KMTW

A Bottle of Wine and a Jackhammer

S08, E02  (First Aired: Sep. 27, 2010)
When Lindsey asks Alan to move in with her, Charlie will do anything to get him to agree to it.
  • Mon 5/8
  • 9:30PM-10:00PM
  • 6
  • KMTW

Gumby With a Pokey

S07, E21  (First Aired: May. 17, 2010)
While Alan and Jake are away on a road trip, Charlie is visited by the ghosts of his ex-girlfriends.
  • Tue 5/9
  • 10:30AM-11:00AM
  • 31
  • FX

This Is Not Gonna End Well

S07, E22  (First Aired: May. 24, 2010)
After Charlie's license is suspended, Jake becomes his driver; Alan plans to go to Chelsea's birthday party.
  • Tue 5/9
  • 11:00AM-11:30AM
  • 31
  • FX

Three Girls and a Guy Named Bud

S08, E01  (First Aired: Sep. 20, 2010)
Jake goes to live with Judith and Herb after learning that Alan has been dating Eldridge's mom; Charlie decides to cut back on his drinking.
  • Tue 5/9
  • 2:00PM-2:30PM
  • 31
  • FX

A Bottle of Wine and a Jackhammer

S08, E02  (First Aired: Sep. 27, 2010)
When Lindsey asks Alan to move in with her, Charlie will do anything to get him to agree to it.
  • Tue 5/9
  • 2:30PM-3:00PM
  • 31
  • FX

A Pudding-Filled Cactus

S08, E03  (First Aired: Oct. 4, 2010)
After moving in with Lyndsey, Alan continues to have a rendezvous with Melissa at Charlie's house.
  • Tue 5/9
  • 9:00PM-9:30PM
  • 6
  • KMTW

Hookers, Hookers, Hookers

S08, E04  (First Aired: Oct. 11, 2010)
Lyndsey and Eldridge move into Charlie's house after their home burns down.
  • Tue 5/9
  • 9:30PM-10:00PM
  • 6
  • KMTW

Three Girls and a Guy Named Bud

S08, E01  (First Aired: Sep. 20, 2010)
Jake goes to live with Judith and Herb after learning that Alan has been dating Eldridge's mom; Charlie decides to cut back on his drinking.
  • Wed 5/10
  • 10:30AM-11:00AM
  • 31
  • FX

A Bottle of Wine and a Jackhammer

S08, E02  (First Aired: Sep. 27, 2010)
When Lindsey asks Alan to move in with her, Charlie will do anything to get him to agree to it.
  • Wed 5/10
  • 11:00AM-11:30AM
  • 31
  • FX

A Pudding-Filled Cactus

S08, E03  (First Aired: Oct. 4, 2010)
After moving in with Lyndsey, Alan continues to have a rendezvous with Melissa at Charlie's house.
  • Wed 5/10
  • 2:00PM-2:30PM
  • 31
  • FX

Hookers, Hookers, Hookers

S08, E04  (First Aired: Oct. 11, 2010)
Lyndsey and Eldridge move into Charlie's house after their home burns down.
  • Wed 5/10
  • 2:30PM-3:00PM
  • 31
  • FX

The Immortal Mr. Billy Joel

S08, E05  (First Aired: Oct. 18, 2010)
Alan pretends to be Charlie when he goes out on the town; Charlie sneaks off for cosmetic surgery.
  • Wed 5/10
  • 9:00PM-9:30PM
  • 6
  • KMTW

Twanging Your Magic Clanger

S08, E06  (First Aired: Oct. 25, 2010)
Charlie has difficulty dealing with dating a slightly older woman.
  • Wed 5/10
  • 9:30PM-10:00PM
  • 6
  • KMTW

A Pudding-Filled Cactus

S08, E03  (First Aired: Oct. 4, 2010)
After moving in with Lyndsey, Alan continues to have a rendezvous with Melissa at Charlie's house.
  • Thu 5/11
  • 10:30AM-11:00AM
  • 31
  • FX

Hookers, Hookers, Hookers

S08, E04  (First Aired: Oct. 11, 2010)
Lyndsey and Eldridge move into Charlie's house after their home burns down.
  • Thu 5/11
  • 11:00AM-11:30AM
  • 31
  • FX

The Immortal Mr. Billy Joel

S08, E05  (First Aired: Oct. 18, 2010)
Alan pretends to be Charlie when he goes out on the town; Charlie sneaks off for cosmetic surgery.
  • Thu 5/11
  • 2:00PM-2:30PM
  • 31
  • FX

Twanging Your Magic Clanger

S08, E06  (First Aired: Oct. 25, 2010)
Charlie has difficulty dealing with dating a slightly older woman.
  • Thu 5/11
  • 2:30PM-3:00PM
  • 31
  • FX

The Crazy Bitch Gazette

S08, E07  (First Aired: Nov. 1, 2010)
Charlie's girlfriend gets fed up with his stalker, Rose.
  • Thu 5/11
  • 9:00PM-9:30PM
  • 6
  • KMTW

Springtime on a Stick

S08, E08  (First Aired: Nov. 8, 2010)
Charlie and Alan try to set Evelyn up with the pharmacist, Russell.
  • Thu 5/11
  • 9:30PM-10:00PM
  • 6
  • KMTW

The Immortal Mr. Billy Joel

S08, E05  (First Aired: Oct. 18, 2010)
Alan pretends to be Charlie when he goes out on the town; Charlie sneaks off for cosmetic surgery.
  • Fri 5/12
  • 10:00AM-10:30AM
  • 31
  • FX

Twanging Your Magic Clanger

S08, E06  (First Aired: Oct. 25, 2010)
Charlie has difficulty dealing with dating a slightly older woman.
  • Fri 5/12
  • 10:30AM-11:00AM
  • 31
  • FX

The Crazy Bitch Gazette

S08, E07  (First Aired: Nov. 1, 2010)
Charlie's girlfriend gets fed up with his stalker, Rose.
  • Fri 5/12
  • 2:00PM-2:30PM
  • 31
  • FX

Springtime on a Stick

S08, E08  (First Aired: Nov. 8, 2010)
Charlie and Alan try to set Evelyn up with the pharmacist, Russell.
  • Fri 5/12
  • 2:30PM-3:00PM
  • 31
  • FX

A Good Time in Central Africa

S08, E09  (First Aired: Nov. 15, 2010)
Charlie falls for the woman who replaces Berta on her days off; Alan thinks Lyndsey's ex-husband is stalking him.
  • Fri 5/12
  • 9:00PM-9:30PM
  • 6
  • KMTW

Ow, Ow, Don't Stop

S08, E10  (First Aired: Nov. 22, 2010)
Charlie goes on a spending spree for old fling Courtney when she shows up after being in prison for three years.
  • Fri 5/12
  • 9:30PM-10:00PM
  • 6
  • KMTW

A Good Time in Central Africa

S08, E09  (First Aired: Nov. 15, 2010)
Charlie falls for the woman who replaces Berta on her days off; Alan thinks Lyndsey's ex-husband is stalking him.
  • Sat 5/13
  • 8:00AM-8:30AM
  • 31
  • FX

Ow, Ow, Don't Stop

S08, E10  (First Aired: Nov. 22, 2010)
Charlie goes on a spending spree for old fling Courtney when she shows up after being in prison for three years.
  • Sat 5/13
  • 8:30AM-9:00AM
  • 31
  • FX