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Two and a Half Men

Two and a Half Men

Genre: Sitcom

Chiropractor and single father Alan Harper lives in a beachfront house with divorced Internet billionaire Walden Schmidt, who bought the house following the untimely death of Alan's brother, Charlie. As they acclimate to their living arrangement, the tightly wound Alan finds himself taking on a mentor role with Walden, whose lifelong dependence on being taken care of has left him a bit naive. Despite his unsuccessful romantic history, Alan also tries to help Walden overcome his limited experiences with dating. Berta, a sharp-tongued, unapologetic housekeeper, is also featured in the series.
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    Avg. 2.5 (12,263 ratings)
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All Upcoming Times for Two and a Half Men

Episode Air Date Channel

Is There a Mrs. Waffles?

S05, E08  (First Aired: Nov. 12, 2007)
Charlie finds success as a children's singing star, which makes Alan miserable.
  • Fri 8/26
  • 10:30AM-11:00AM
  • 31
  • FX

Tight's Good

S05, E09  (First Aired: Nov. 19, 2007)
Charlie tries to resist an attraction to his soon-to-be stepsister (Jenny McCarthy).
  • Fri 8/26
  • 11:00AM-11:30AM
  • 31
  • FX

Kinda Like Necrophilia

S05, E10  (First Aired: Nov. 26, 2007)
Alan seeks revenge when he discovers that Charlie stole his high-school girlfriend.
  • Fri 8/26
  • 3:00PM-3:30PM
  • 31
  • FX

Meander to Your Dander

S05, E11  (First Aired: Mar. 17, 2008)
Charlie offers Alan pointers on how to break up with a woman.
  • Fri 8/26
  • 3:30PM-4:00PM
  • 31
  • FX

Dead From the Waist Down

S08, E11  (First Aired: Dec. 6, 2010)
Ashamed that he can't afford to buy a birthday present for Lyndsey, Alan gets creative.
  • Fri 8/26
  • 9:00PM-9:30PM
  • 6
  • KMTW

Don't Give a Monkey a Gun

S12, E14  (First Aired: Feb. 12, 2015)
When their divorce becomes official, Walden offers Alan a gift; Alan's impractical choice strains his relationship with Lyndsey.
  • Fri 8/26
  • 9:30PM-10:00PM
  • 6
  • KMTW

A Little Clammy and None Too Fresh

S05, E12  (First Aired: Mar. 24, 2008)
Rose comes back from England and takes care of sick Charlie in a very strange way.
  • Sat 8/27
  • 7:30AM-8:00AM
  • 31
  • FX

The Soil Is Moist

S05, E13  (First Aired: Mar. 31, 2008)
Alan's date, who happens to be a friend of his ex, reveals a secret about Judith's sex life.
  • Sat 8/27
  • 8:00AM-8:30AM
  • 31
  • FX

Winky-Dink Time

S05, E14  (First Aired: Apr. 14, 2008)
Charlie goes with Jake on a double date and sets up Alan with a prostitute.
  • Sat 8/27
  • 8:30AM-9:00AM
  • 31
  • FX

Rough Night in Hump Junction

S05, E15  (First Aired: Apr. 21, 2008)
Alan fears that Charlie's womanizing is getting out of control.
  • Sat 8/27
  • 9:00AM-9:30AM
  • 31
  • FX

A Little Clammy and None Too Fresh

S05, E12  (First Aired: Mar. 24, 2008)
Rose comes back from England and takes care of sick Charlie in a very strange way.
  • Sun 8/28
  • 1:31AM-2:01AM
  • 31
  • FX

The Soil Is Moist

S05, E13  (First Aired: Mar. 31, 2008)
Alan's date, who happens to be a friend of his ex, reveals a secret about Judith's sex life.
  • Sun 8/28
  • 2:01AM-2:31AM
  • 31
  • FX

Camel Filters and Pheremones

S01, E12  (First Aired: Jan. 5, 2004)
The housekeeper's beautiful granddaughter comes to work with her and attracts the attention of the men; Alan tries to convince Judith that Charlie's house is good for Jake.
  • Sun 8/28
  • 4:00AM-4:30AM
  • 6
  • KMTW

Sarah Like Puny Alan

S01, E13  (First Aired: Jan. 12, 2004)
Charlie sets his ailing brother up on a date, then drags him to a steam room to help him get rid of his flu symptoms.
  • Sun 8/28
  • 4:30AM-5:00AM
  • 6
  • KMTW

Winky-Dink Time

S05, E14  (First Aired: Apr. 14, 2008)
Charlie goes with Jake on a double date and sets up Alan with a prostitute.
  • Mon 8/29
  • 2:00PM-2:30PM
  • 31
  • FX

Rough Night in Hump Junction

S05, E15  (First Aired: Apr. 21, 2008)
Alan fears that Charlie's womanizing is getting out of control.
  • Mon 8/29
  • 2:30PM-3:00PM
  • 31
  • FX

Chocolate Diddlers or My Puppy's Dead

S08, E12  (First Aired: Dec. 13, 2010)
Depressed after his breakup from Courtney (Jenny McCarthy), Charlie goes to see his psychiatrist (Jane Lynch).
  • Mon 8/29
  • 9:00PM-9:30PM
  • 6
  • KMTW

Skunk, Dog Crap and Ketchup

S08, E13  (First Aired: Jan. 3, 2011)
Alan feels paranoid when Lyndsey becomes friendly with Charlie.
  • Mon 8/29
  • 9:30PM-10:00PM
  • 6
  • KMTW

Winky-Dink Time

S05, E14  (First Aired: Apr. 14, 2008)
Charlie goes with Jake on a double date and sets up Alan with a prostitute.
  • Tue 8/30
  • 10:00AM-10:30AM
  • 31
  • FX

Rough Night in Hump Junction

S05, E15  (First Aired: Apr. 21, 2008)
Alan fears that Charlie's womanizing is getting out of control.
  • Tue 8/30
  • 10:30AM-11:00AM
  • 31
  • FX

Look at Me, Mommy, I'm Pretty

S05, E16  (First Aired: Apr. 28, 2008)
Alan plans Evelyn's wedding; Charlie pursues his future stepsister.
  • Tue 8/30
  • 2:00PM-2:30PM
  • 31
  • FX

If My Hole Could Talk

S05, E18  (First Aired: May. 12, 2008)
Charlie discovers he is attracted to an older woman who writes self-help books; Jake and Alan fight over a school assignment.
  • Tue 8/30
  • 2:30PM-3:00PM
  • 31
  • FX

Looking' for Japanese Subs

S08, E14  (First Aired: Jan. 17, 2011)
Charlie begins stalking Rose (Melanie Lynskey); Alan becomes concerned when Eldridge and Jake begin videotaping dangerous stunts.
  • Tue 8/30
  • 9:00PM-9:30PM
  • 6
  • KMTW

Three Hookers and a Philly Cheesesteak

S08, E15  (First Aired: Feb. 7, 2011)
Charlie and Rose continue their affair; Alan's business becomes a Ponzi scheme.
  • Tue 8/30
  • 9:30PM-10:00PM
  • 6
  • KMTW

Look at Me, Mommy, I'm Pretty

S05, E16  (First Aired: Apr. 28, 2008)
Alan plans Evelyn's wedding; Charlie pursues his future stepsister.
  • Wed 8/31
  • 10:30AM-11:00AM
  • 31
  • FX

If My Hole Could Talk

S05, E18  (First Aired: May. 12, 2008)
Charlie discovers he is attracted to an older woman who writes self-help books; Jake and Alan fight over a school assignment.
  • Wed 8/31
  • 11:00AM-11:30AM
  • 31
  • FX

Taterhead Is Our Love Child

S06, E01  (First Aired: Sep. 22, 2008)
Charlie finds that one of his former girlfriends has a son who looks a lot like him.
  • Wed 8/31
  • 2:00PM-2:30PM
  • 31
  • FX

Pie Hole, Herb

S06, E02  (First Aired: Sep. 29, 2008)
Alan crosses a line when he tries to get back money that he lent Charlie.
  • Wed 8/31
  • 2:30PM-3:00PM
  • 31
  • FX

That Darn Priest

S08, E16  (First Aired: Feb. 14, 2011)
Rose discovers Alan's Ponzi scheme; Alan meets Rose's ``husband''; Charlie tries to get time alone with Rose.
  • Wed 8/31
  • 9:00PM-9:30PM
  • 6
  • KMTW

Pilot

S01, E01  (First Aired: Sep. 22, 2003)
Charlie's life turns upside down when his brother and nephew move in; at the supermarket, Charlie discovers he can use 10-year-old Jake to attract women.
  • Wed 8/31
  • 9:30PM-10:00PM
  • 6
  • KMTW

Taterhead Is Our Love Child

S06, E01  (First Aired: Sep. 22, 2008)
Charlie finds that one of his former girlfriends has a son who looks a lot like him.
  • Thu 9/1
  • 10:00AM-10:30AM
  • 31
  • FX

Pie Hole, Herb

S06, E02  (First Aired: Sep. 29, 2008)
Alan crosses a line when he tries to get back money that he lent Charlie.
  • Thu 9/1
  • 10:30AM-11:00AM
  • 31
  • FX

Damn You, Eggs Benedict

S06, E03  (First Aired: Oct. 6, 2008)
Charlie attempts to cook, Alan tries to date two women at the same time, and Jake samples beer.
  • Thu 9/1
  • 2:00PM-2:30PM
  • 31
  • FX

The Flavin' and the Mavin

S06, E04  (First Aired: Oct. 13, 2008)
Alan awaits disaster as Charlie romances Alan's sweet receptionist.
  • Thu 9/1
  • 2:30PM-3:00PM
  • 31
  • FX

Big Flappy Bastards

S01, E02  (First Aired: Sep. 29, 2003)
Charlie doesn't know how to discipline Jake for luring a flock of sea gulls into his room; Judith surprises Alan when he goes home to fix her sprinklers.
  • Thu 9/1
  • 9:00PM-9:30PM
  • 6
  • KMTW

Of Course He's Dead -- Part One

S12, E15  (First Aired: Feb. 19, 2015)
Details regarding Charlie Harper are revealed.
  • Thu 9/1
  • 9:30PM-10:00PM
  • 6
  • KMTW

Damn You, Eggs Benedict

S06, E03  (First Aired: Oct. 6, 2008)
Charlie attempts to cook, Alan tries to date two women at the same time, and Jake samples beer.
  • Fri 9/2
  • 10:00AM-10:30AM
  • 31
  • FX

The Flavin' and the Mavin

S06, E04  (First Aired: Oct. 13, 2008)
Alan awaits disaster as Charlie romances Alan's sweet receptionist.
  • Fri 9/2
  • 10:30AM-11:00AM
  • 31
  • FX

A Jock Strap in Hell

S06, E05  (First Aired: Oct. 20, 2008)
The guys run into Jake's former teacher (Alicia Witt) who became a stripper after a fling with Charlie; Charlie gives her a room and a job to try and help her out, but things get out of control.
  • Fri 9/2
  • 3:00PM-3:30PM
  • 31
  • FX

It's Always Nazi Week

S06, E06  (First Aired: Nov. 3, 2008)
When Judith kicks Herb to the curb, Alan comes knocking.
  • Fri 9/2
  • 3:30PM-4:00PM
  • 31
  • FX

Go East on Sunset Until You Reach the Gates of Hell

S01, E03  (First Aired: Oct. 6, 2003)
One drink too many emboldens the brothers to stand up to their controlling mother.
  • Fri 9/2
  • 9:00PM-9:30PM
  • 6
  • KMTW

Of Course He's Dead -- Part Two

S12, E16  (First Aired: Feb. 19, 2015)
Details regarding Charlie Harper are revealed.
  • Fri 9/2
  • 9:30PM-10:00PM
  • 6
  • KMTW

Best H.O. Money Can Buy

S06, E07  (First Aired: Nov. 10, 2008)
Alan tries to escape Judith's clutches as Charlie and Herb go on the prowl.
  • Sat 9/3
  • 8:00AM-8:30AM
  • 31
  • FX

Pinocchio's Mouth

S06, E08  (First Aired: Nov. 17, 2008)
Charlie has trouble adjusting when his new girlfriend asks him to spend the night at her place.
  • Sat 9/3
  • 8:30AM-9:00AM
  • 31
  • FX

The Mooch at the Boo

S06, E09  (First Aired: Nov. 24, 2008)
Charlie is left to cover when Jake disappears with the neighbor's daughter; Alan scores a hot date, thanks in part to Charlie's car.
  • Sat 9/3
  • 9:00AM-9:30AM
  • 31
  • FX

He Smelled the Ham, He Got Excited

S06, E10  (First Aired: Dec. 8, 2008)
When Evelyn offers to pay for Jake's college education, Alan wonders if he ever needs to work again.
  • Sat 9/3
  • 9:30AM-10:00AM
  • 31
  • FX

A Little Clammy and None Too Fresh

S05, E12  (First Aired: Mar. 24, 2008)
Rose comes back from England and takes care of sick Charlie in a very strange way.
  • Sat 9/3
  • 8:00PM-8:30PM
  • 6
  • KMTW

Winky-Dink Time

S05, E14  (First Aired: Apr. 14, 2008)
Charlie goes with Jake on a double date and sets up Alan with a prostitute.
  • Sat 9/3
  • 8:30PM-9:00PM
  • 6
  • KMTW

The Soil Is Moist

S05, E13  (First Aired: Mar. 31, 2008)
Alan's date, who happens to be a friend of his ex, reveals a secret about Judith's sex life.
  • Sat 9/3
  • 9:00PM-9:30PM
  • 6
  • KMTW

Rough Night in Hump Junction

S05, E15  (First Aired: Apr. 21, 2008)
Alan fears that Charlie's womanizing is getting out of control.
  • Sat 9/3
  • 9:30PM-10:00PM
  • 6
  • KMTW

Best H.O. Money Can Buy

S06, E07  (First Aired: Nov. 10, 2008)
Alan tries to escape Judith's clutches as Charlie and Herb go on the prowl.
  • Sun 9/4
  • 1:30AM-2:00AM
  • 31
  • FX

Pinocchio's Mouth

S06, E08  (First Aired: Nov. 17, 2008)
Charlie has trouble adjusting when his new girlfriend asks him to spend the night at her place.
  • Sun 9/4
  • 2:00AM-2:30AM
  • 31
  • FX

The Mooch at the Boo

S06, E09  (First Aired: Nov. 24, 2008)
Charlie is left to cover when Jake disappears with the neighbor's daughter; Alan scores a hot date, thanks in part to Charlie's car.
  • Sun 9/4
  • 3:30AM-4:00AM
  • 31
  • FX

If I Can't Write My Chocolate Song, I'm Going to Take a Nap

S01, E04  (First Aired: Oct. 13, 2003)
Alan offers to help get Charlie's cleaning lady back if Charlie can get Jake ready to go out to dinner with his mother.
  • Mon 9/5
  • 9:00PM-9:30PM
  • 6
  • KMTW

The Last Thing You Want Is to Wind Up With a Hump

S01, E05  (First Aired: Oct. 20, 2003)
Charlie and Alan meet several women while attending one of Jake's soccer games.
  • Mon 9/5
  • 9:30PM-10:00PM
  • 6
  • KMTW

The Devil's Lube

S06, E11  (First Aired: Dec. 15, 2008)
When one of Charlie's old partners in crime dies, Charlie re-evaluates his own reckless lifestyle.
  • Tue 9/6
  • 10:30AM-11:00AM
  • 31
  • FX

Thank God for Scoliosis

S06, E12  (First Aired: Jan. 12, 2009)
Charlie and Jake fight for the affections of a waitress, while Alan fights sexual tension with his receptionist.
  • Tue 9/6
  • 11:00AM-11:30AM
  • 31
  • FX

I Think You Offended Don

S06, E13  (First Aired: Jan. 19, 2009)
Judith is pregnant with a baby girl, and Alan is convinced he is the father; Jake is in a contentious mood, and Charlie thinks he knows why.
  • Tue 9/6
  • 2:00PM-2:30PM
  • 31
  • FX

David Copperfield Slipped Me a Roofie

S06, E14  (First Aired: Feb. 2, 2009)
Convinced that Alan is not appreciated by his family, Melissa asks him to live with her and her mother.
  • Tue 9/6
  • 2:30PM-3:00PM
  • 31
  • FX

Did You Check With the Captain of the Flying Monkeys?

S01, E06  (First Aired: Oct. 27, 2003)
After Evelyn's new beau dumps her, Charlie and Alan enlist Jake to cheer her up; Charlie teaches Jake a lesson about screening telephone calls from women.
  • Tue 9/6
  • 9:00PM-9:30PM
  • 6
  • KMTW

If They Do Go Either Way, They're Usually Fake

S01, E07  (First Aired: Nov. 3, 2003)
For a school assignment, Jake draws the tattooed buttocks of Charlie's female friend.
  • Tue 9/6
  • 9:30PM-10:00PM
  • 6
  • KMTW

I Think You Offended Don

S06, E13  (First Aired: Jan. 19, 2009)
Judith is pregnant with a baby girl, and Alan is convinced he is the father; Jake is in a contentious mood, and Charlie thinks he knows why.
  • Wed 9/7
  • 10:00AM-10:30AM
  • 31
  • FX

David Copperfield Slipped Me a Roofie

S06, E14  (First Aired: Feb. 2, 2009)
Convinced that Alan is not appreciated by his family, Melissa asks him to live with her and her mother.
  • Wed 9/7
  • 10:30AM-11:00AM
  • 31
  • FX

I'd Like to Start With the Cat

S06, E15  (First Aired: Feb. 9, 2009)
In an attempt to prove he has changed from his old self, Charlie agrees to go with Chelsea to couples counseling.
  • Wed 9/7
  • 2:00PM-2:30PM
  • 31
  • FX

She'll Still Be Dead at Halftime

S06, E16  (First Aired: Mar. 2, 2009)
Charlie rushes to get a half-naked woman out of his bedroom before Chelsea (Jennifer Taylor) arrives.
  • Wed 9/7
  • 2:30PM-3:00PM
  • 31
  • FX

Twenty-Five Little Pre-Pubers Without a Snoot-Ful

S01, E08  (First Aired: Nov. 10, 2003)
Charlie realizes Jake's classmates know the words to all of his jingles, and he is inspired to craft the fourth-grade musical with unusual results.
  • Wed 9/7
  • 9:00PM-9:30PM
  • 6
  • KMTW

Nice to Meet You, Walden Schmidt

S09, E01  (First Aired: Sep. 19, 2011)
After saying goodbye to the late Charlie Harper, Alan meets Walden Schmidt (Ashton Kutcher), a broken-hearted billionaire.
  • Wed 9/7
  • 9:30PM-10:00PM
  • 6
  • KMTW

I'd Like to Start With the Cat

S06, E15  (First Aired: Feb. 9, 2009)
In an attempt to prove he has changed from his old self, Charlie agrees to go with Chelsea to couples counseling.
  • Thu 9/8
  • 11:00AM-11:30AM
  • 31
  • FX

She'll Still Be Dead at Halftime

S06, E16  (First Aired: Mar. 2, 2009)
Charlie rushes to get a half-naked woman out of his bedroom before Chelsea (Jennifer Taylor) arrives.
  • Thu 9/8
  • 11:30AM-12:00PM
  • 31
  • FX

The Ocu or the Pado?

S06, E17  (First Aired: Mar. 9, 2009)
When Charlie swears his love to Chelsea (Jennifer Taylor), her response is nothing like what he'd expected.
  • Thu 9/8
  • 2:30PM-3:00PM
  • 31
  • FX

My Son's Enormous Head

S06, E18  (First Aired: Mar. 16, 2009)
Charlie fights the overwhelming urge to flee when Chelsea gets sick and he is forced to take care of her.
  • Thu 9/8
  • 3:00PM-3:30PM
  • 31
  • FX

Phase One, Complete

S01, E09  (First Aired: Nov. 17, 2003)
Jake and Evelyn befriend one of Charlie's one-night stands, causing her to stay longer than expected.
  • Thu 9/8
  • 9:00PM-9:30PM
  • 6
  • KMTW

People Who Love Peepholes

S09, E02  (First Aired: Sep. 26, 2011)
Walden's ex-wife, Bridget (Judy Greer), turns up.
  • Thu 9/8
  • 9:30PM-10:00PM
  • 6
  • KMTW